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Outing other people's affairs?

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20Hopeful16 posted 11/25/2013 08:15 AM

I know the general thought here is that you should let the OBS know about an affair in most, if not all, circumstances. That doesn't apply to me because OBS and I found out within a few minutes of each other.

However, I know that my WH and the MOW had at least two occasions (probably more) that they spent with another couple who are both married to other people. I don't have any proof that I could share, but I have friends that are encouraging me to tell the OBSs anyway. Neither of them are friends of mine, I have met them each once or twice and could find out how to contact them if I really wanted to. But, is it my place to say anything? It would be one thing if I had proof, but I am afraid that contacting them without proof wouldn't make a difference and could end up blowing back on me.

karmahappens posted 11/25/2013 08:18 AM

I understand your feelings of wanting to share what you think you know.

Truth is, you don't know anything for real and IMO you could do more damage than good.

After an A I believe it is difficult to not want to become the A police, but until there is truth and fact behind what you speak about it is only gossip.

TennisTC posted 11/25/2013 09:21 AM

For me personally, I think it would depend on my relationship with them. If they were friends then I would tell them. I don't think I would tell them if they were FB friends or acquaintances, because I don't think I would believe someone I barely know over my H of 11 years.

But, I remember reading a post recently from a BW on this site. She ran into her WH's boss' wife at the mall and the woman told her she was impressed by her non-jealously and that she would never be secure enough to allow her H to share a hotel room with a female coworker. The woman posting (sorry, don't know user name) had no idea her husband was having an A until then and was really grateful that the lady said something. Everyone on the post was commending the woman for her willingness to discreetly tip off the BW. But maybe the key there was that the wife only casually mentioned what she knew was factually true??

20Hopeful16 posted 11/25/2013 10:26 AM

After an A I believe it is difficult to not want to become the A police, but until there is truth and fact behind what you speak about it is only gossip.

Oh, there is truth and fact behind it. I just don't have physical proof I can show the OBS. For instance, this other couple went on a weekend trip with WH and MOW. It was supposed to be four friends/co-workers doing a race together that was far enough away so they needed to spend the night. I found out afterwards that instead of the sleeping arrangements being MOW/OMOW and WH/OMOM, it was MOW/WH and OMOW/OMOM. There was at least one other situation where the same sort of thing happened.

I don't really just run into either of the OBS so I wouldn't have an opportunity to work it into conversation the way the other poster's boss's wife did, or I would definitely try something like that.

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