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Contact AP BS?

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Shocked2believe posted 11/25/2013 13:23 PM

So after much reading on SI, it seems to be a consensus that you should tell the BS of the AP.

The other day I told my WH that at one stage I considered confronting AP (not anymore though as I have no time to lower myself to her level). He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished. Still protecting her????

Now I have the AP's BS fb email address. Should I out her to him as I'm so angry about the damage she's done without any consequences and they can still remain 'friends' whilst I'm "happily" accepting 'nothing' is wrong? I want to do it annoumously at first with the evidence I have. Should I or am I just being unnecessarily vengeful?

KeepCalm_CarryOn posted 11/25/2013 13:31 PM

I would be contacting her so fast their heads would spin! Just remember to do it with kindness and compassion as the OBS may have no idea what's coming!

heartbroken2012 posted 11/25/2013 13:33 PM

I gave an ultimatum. I told my WH to tell the OW that she had 4 days to tell her BH, or I would. AND that I wanted to talk to him on the phone to confirm that she actually told him.

She told him, and wanted me to call her phone while she was with him and talk to him. Yeah right.

I found his cell phone number, and called him while she was at work, and talked for about an hour confirming stories.

Not surprisingly the whore bag didnt tell him a lot....and told him half truths.

Im glad I did it.

Skan posted 11/25/2013 17:17 PM

He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished. Still protecting her????

Oh hell yes, he's still protecting her (and himself). That little statement would have me on the road to total tell-all in warp speed!

JustWow posted 11/25/2013 17:28 PM

You definitely tell the OP's BS. With evidence and compassion. Without any warning to either your WS or the AP. Do it. Do it. Do it.

And be kind. The other BS is likely to be as hurt as you are, and there really is no better cure for uniorn farts than exposure to daylight.

painfulpast posted 11/25/2013 17:28 PM

Why are they still friends? That doesn't work.

I told. I was told that if I did, we'd be through. I didn't care. If OBS had found out and not told me, I'd be very upset. OBS deserved to know, much more than my lying cheating WH deserved to save face or to have less people find out, and far more than WH deserved to protect OW.

Surprisingly, he didn't leave. It's just more bullshit from a cheater.

Again, why are they friends? Why would you accept that?

Dreamland posted 11/25/2013 19:16 PM

Oh no you tell the BS now before the OW spins some lies about you or intercepts your emails...try to call their home and ask for him. The OW will do everything to minimize their role.
He is protecting her and himself. My WH did the same thing but I called her them out..no BS in my case as she was single but kept lingering on..
Oh and after you tell the BS call that OW and give her a piece of your mind and tell her that you have informed her husband.
Good luck.

bobf posted 11/25/2013 19:22 PM

I am planning on contacting the BOW about my wife's OEA with her husband after the Thanksgiving Holiday. I feel it is the right thing to do, though I worry it will bring the OM back in contact with my wife. She won't talk to him, she will observe NC I am certain. But it will be stressful.

[This message edited by bobf at 7:29 PM, November 25th (Monday)]

greengiant posted 11/25/2013 19:40 PM

You should tell her, she deserve to know. At the time the A was going on between my WW and her COW, if anyone had told me I would have been forever grateful. Just do it respectfully and not for vengeance, but as a good action you will be doing for her.

sadinlex posted 11/27/2013 11:45 AM

He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished.


This pisses me off. My immediate reaction was how dare he threaten you with that.

I spent six months agonizing whether to tell the OW BS despite all the advice of the wonderful members here. All the same dilemmas, would I be doing it for the right reasons, would I be destroying another life. When I finally told him I realized how right they were. It has nothing to do with revenge, even if it seems like it at the time.


hugs sweetie xxx

MOTG posted 11/27/2013 11:54 AM

I'd tell the BS and confront her. They are still "friends" that doesn't work for me. IMO if the WH want to make it work even if it's just an EA they still need to cut off the AP. They are spending all their emotional reserves there instead of working on the marriage. BS deserves to know as well, I'd want someone to tell me. When my WH had a PA in front of everyone I know not one person told me and I was angry with a lot of people for a long time. I wished someone, anyone told me.

Lalagirl posted 11/27/2013 12:01 PM

I found his cell phone number, and called him while she was at work, and talked for about an hour confirming stories.

Good for you!!

He told me that if I had done so, that we would have been finished. Still protecting her????

Oh, he is definitely protecting her - and himself. Selfish a**.

So, given this recent turn of events and your WH's threats...did he leave?

And the fact that they're still friends - you are a stronger woman than I. When FWH initially refused to go NC because "there's no reason I can't have female friends" - I was gone. This is when the extraction of his head from his ass began.

Hugs...

jackson posted 11/27/2013 13:18 PM

Abosolutely tell. If that is the thing that makes your WH leave the M then you are better off finding out now rather than later. You deserve more. Tell because it is the right thing to do.

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