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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: Please explain bullying to me...
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Angry  Posted: 3:06 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because apparently I have no idea what it is.

WTF!!!

I sent my son to get DD7 at the bus stop. This is the first time he's done by himself since the whole thing started with L (L is the girl at the bus stop claiming my kids are bullying her).

I told him to walk DD7 down the other sidewalk of the condo community (Down the main entrance there's two sidewalks before you get to a little intersection) because the cars don't stop for the the stop signs (4 way stop) and I don't want them to get hurt. The added benefit to that is to keep them away from her, but it's not the sole purpose.

L yells at them from across the street saying that they are bullying her because they are walking on the other sidewalk. WTF!!!

My two came home scared again! They think they are doing something wrong.

She needs to keep whatever issues she has away from my family.

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 3:10 PM, November 25th (Monday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if I missed the backstory here or not...

Sounds like L is an attention seeking little twit (based on what I've read here)

It also sounds as if she is the aggressor.

I suggest, if at all possible, that you be at the bus stop everyday with your phone ready to video tape anything.

Because it's a school bus stop the school does have jurisdiction... I would involve them, if they are not already involved.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24672 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I called them before when L first claimed my two were bullying her because they were running down the sidewalk. They were running because my daughter had ballet class that night and didn't want to be late, even though it wasn't until 6:15 that night. I was worried that if she's making this up then maybe she'll got to the principal, so I called her the next morning.

Then things changed at the bus stop and the mom's who would talk about L saying how she makes up stories etc... were now coddling her and ignoring my daughter. Which is something I still don't understand.

I just text on of the mom's at the bus stop, again to find out what happened, and she's tell me to go to her L's home and talk to her parents.

I'm not sure which is the right "road" to go down because I don't want this to get worse. I just want her to stop making this stuff up and leave my kids alone.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
heartbroken0903
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read your other thread before. Sounds like this "L" is a crazy little brat. (Was that too direct? ) Seriously, I really feel badly saying something like that about a child, but come the F on. She obviously needs help.

Go talk to her mother. Tell her exactly what happened, what L said, and tell her directly that she needs to make L stop.

[This message edited by heartbroken0903 at 6:41 PM, November 25th (Monday)]


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

We remarried in 2014.


Posts: 2319 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like this "L" is a crazy little brat.
Ahhhh...HB beat me to it.
Seriously this L sounds like a classic manipulator, accusing other kids of being a bully (i.e. being mean to her) by not doing what she wants them to do.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4101 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, sounds like bullying by means of accusing someone of bullying...

Sorry nothing helpful to add, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4166 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it

I don't understand it. They're were friendly before. The morning this all started L called out to DD7 from the mailboxes (across the little intersection) to say good morning, she told us how everyone in her family is sick, and she walked with us to the bus stop. Then that afternoon she accuses them off bullying her for running home. Now this!

If she's not getting attention at home she needs to find a better way of getting it.

I agree, she's being a brat and I wish she would leave my kids alone.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
jrc1963
♀ 26531
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SD - Can I add that you should be very careful how you approach this because Crazy Little Brats don't fall far from their Crazy Big Parent Tree!

In all seriousness... This is what we in the special needs community call "Three Sides of Bat Shit Crazy". This little girl probably has some serious issues, psychological issues.

I could tell you stories... I see kids like this every year in my classrooms.

I have one right now, a young man, age 11... He has serious issues, not the least of which is diminished intellectual functioning and probably falls somewhere on the Autism Spectrum... He will sit right there and tell bold face lies and believe them with his whole heart.

He said to me today "Ms. JRC, why are you yelling at me?" I hadn't even opened my mouth.

These kids are scary... especially if they have idiot people believing them.

Same kid, another story...
He went home and told his mother that I cursed at him. His mother came marching back into the school to confront the principal about me cursing at him. My principal questioned this child in front of his mother. She asked him what I had said.... He says "Ms. JRC said to 'sit your ass down'. She asked him when I had said this... he said "Today". He then changed his story under questioning and said, well "Ms. JRC didn't say it to me, she said it to C." And I had apparently said it during 6th period.

So... my principal calls me at home to ask about this... because she has to... she'd already told the parent that she knew I hadn't done it. Well... the child I supposedly cursed at that day wasn't even in school.

Anyway... this kid in my class is delusional and lives in a fantasy land... He's also been severely abused in his young life and wants to control every situation... to the point of making up ridiculous stories.

Sounds like your little brat.... although she might not have as much going on as the student... she could still be BSC.

[This message edited by jrc1963 at 8:58 PM, November 25th (Monday)]


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24672 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
helpingmenow
♀ 23152
Member # 23152
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi SD- this is bullying behavior:
1. negative action towards someone- physical, rumors, gossip, mean looks(girls are really good at doing this),excluding another person from activities etc...
2. repetitive -does not happen just once
3. unequal power in a relationship.. can look like: older student with younger, one child of one race looking down on another race, one child rallying others to gang up on one child, adult with child,etc. If a child can't stand up for themselves they are not on equal footing
Our school is using a Bullying Prevention program -its a great program a lot of work needs to be taught to teachers, parents and kids in order for it to be effective but so worth the time. The bystanders play a huge role in bullying they just don't know it..

It is happening to your children and should be reported to the school and you should say "this is bullying behavior and it is effecting my children on their way to school and from school"-your school should have a policy about school bus behavior or the bus company will. I wouldn't necessarily go to the child's parents unless you think it would help. That child is harassing them (bullying behavior)and needs to be taught that is what she is doing and why she is going to stop or consequences

Sorry thats a book -I am very involved in my school with the program so want to give parents ways to deal with it.


Me:BS
Him:FWS
Married: 20 yrs; dated for 3 yrs
4 children

DDay: Nov. 19/2003


Posts: 94 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: new york
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, I've been reading your posts about this little girl and there really is something wrong with her. Something is going on in her home that isn't good or she needs more attention or something. Unfortunately, in this day and age, bullying talk gets lots and lots of attention and the school administrators HAVE to deal with it if an accusation is made. So, I have a couple of suggestions.....
1. Be a presence at the bus stop for pick-up and drop-off. Little L will be less likely to cause trouble if there is an adult there.
2. Call the principal and request a meeting between you/your kids and little L/her parents because of the accusations and issues that you have been having. Hash it out so that everyone has all of the information and can be on the same page....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8185 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
StrongerOne
♀ 36915
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreeing with the folks who say that something is wrong with this child and/or something is wrong with her homelife. I would follow helpingmenow's advice about contacting the school and also gonnabe's suggestion for you to be at the bus stop.

I would also call child protective services to report suspected abuse. You can do that anonymously in most places.

You have to protect your children, but I think you also have an obligation to help this child to the extent you can. Calling CPS is a good way to do that.

BTW, I would not continue to share with the other moms. They either do not know what to do, or don't care, or are going to start seeing you as "that crazy mom who goes overboard at the smallest thing" or even "that crazy mom who picks on a small child." That's not who you are, but that's what will happen. Cut off that drama before it ramps up.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 887 | Registered: Sep 2012
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I just got off the phone with principal. She told me that her and the guidance counselor talked to L when the first incident happened. They thought it was settled until now. She assured me that she knows that DD7 isn't doing anything and that there has been anything reported to her about DD7 and any other student. She told me that they (her and the guidance counselor) will talk to L again. She told me that DD7 has her support and if it happens again to let her know.

When she said that she thought it was settled before I told her that's only because I was at the bus stop every day except yesterday.

I'm going to make sure that I'm at the bus stop every day from now on. It's a shame, really. My son enjoyed getting his sister off the bus. He said it made him feel like a bigger kid.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
sullymeishadomi
♀ 16305
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

instincts tell me this kid is not a true meanie; she has developmental issues.

Why is she screaming bully now? She got a reaction. She got attention. This isnt about dd7. Its about her

Not all kids like this are from abusive homes.

Nor does L's behavior mean her family is crazy

Dont go calling cps/dyfus unless you have proof the kid is abused.

Question I have is: where are the kids parents. Why is she walking to the bus Ialone? Back in the 70's, 80's and even 90's walking alone was okay. Hell, in the mid 70's I walked alone 6 blocks to school in 1st grade. That was then 2013 is not a safetime for kids to be alone

Someone does need to talk to the parents. Maybe they can shed light on L's behavior or work to curb it. Just talking to a 9 yr old isnt enough. I will tell you, if my kid did something like this and I wasnt told, I would be pissed.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8471 | Registered: Sep 2007
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have to protect your children, but I think you also have an obligation to help this child to the extent you can. Calling CPS is a good way to do that.

I don't see any signs of abuse, so I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that.

All I feel comfortable saying is that she's looking for attention any way she can and that is an issue, and it's an issue that she needs to keep away from kids.

Sully, you make some valid points. However, my fear in going to the parents is if they truly feel L is being bullied I don't them to start accusing me and my two of lying or anything else. I can see this getting ugly really fast. I've met the parents in the past when L, DS10, DD7 were getting along. We were even going to have a family picnic over the summer, but now that she saying this stuff who knows what their attitudes will be like towards me and the kids.

Going forward I'm going to make sure that my two are not alone at the bus stop because she doesn't say anything when I'm there and if she does end up saying something I'll go to the school again and at the time request a meeting with everyone. I'd feel more comfortable talking in the principal's office with her and the guidance counselor as "witnesses" so no one can come back and make up any more stories.

I feel bad for my kids and I just want her to leave them alone.

Question I have is: where are the kids parents. Why is she walking to the bus Ialone? Back in the 70's, 80's and even 90's walking alone was okay. Hell, in the mid 70's I walked alone 6 blocks to school in 1st grade. That was then 2013 is not a safetime for kids to be alone

This is something that I've been asking myself. Her step-dad used be there every day when they first moved here, now he's not. Her mother was only at the bus stop once on her first day when they moved here. Now they are not there at all. If my kids came home saying someone was bullying them I'd be all over that bus stop trying to figure out what was going on and to "protect" my kids if needed.

Someone does need to talk to the parents. Maybe they can shed light on L's behavior or work to curb it. Just talking to a 9 yr old isnt enough. I will tell you, if my kid did something like this and I wasnt told, I would be pissed.

I agree with this, unfortunately, not everyone is rational when it comes to situations like this and that's what I'm afraid of. Not of them doing something to me, but accusing my kids of something they didn't do and not listening to reason. For all I know they could be the kind of parent that thinks "Not my little L, she's an angel and does nothing wrong." We all know there are parents like that out there.

I'm just at a loss.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SD, you need to go to the bus stop with the kids. Period. They are obviously upset by this whole thing, and they don't have adult coping mechanisms (hell, some adults don't have adult coping mechanisms.)

Just go, make small talk with the other adults and keep an eye on the situation. Don't address L at all; if she starts to mess with your kids, just call them over to you, give them a hug and go on with your conversations. I think your presence alone with defray the conflict.

I don't think you son will balk at your taking away his adult activity. You can always assign him another duty. This is all too stressful for him.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20453 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sad. That's exactly what I'm going to do. When I'm there she never says or does anything. Also, like one of the other posters said, I'm not going to talk to the other mother's about this situation anymore. I'll just make small talk.

He is a little upset about it, but he understands.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
sullymeishadomi
♀ 16305
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Considering they have not been at the bus. stop with their kid in ages, I doubt they are paying attention to L's accusations.

, I totally get your apprehension at speaking with the parents. There are so. many parents out there who Iignore their kids, but if another parent voices concern about absent parents kid, absent parent grows three heads that spin. Its not that they actually care, but they found opportunity to drama.

That said, having a sit down with the parents must happen. You and your kids cant live hostage under a black cloud. Maybe a mediator can be found to help out. If the parents do drama then little Miss L is banned from the bus; she has to be driven to school. You and your kids cant live in fear of L or what a parent may or may not say

Or you can make your presence known for the next few months and see if little missy changes her tune. If not, see above.

It truly sucks where one parent cannot conversate with another parent regarding kid concerns. I miss the old days.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 7:11 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)]


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8471 | Registered: Sep 2007
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