SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

knightsbff posted 11/25/2013 15:36 PM

This situation has me totally crazy stressed out. I’m having nightmares about it. I’m sorry this is sooooo loooong. Please help.

BH and I found out last week that my mother’s husband broke into our trailer (that we use for storage) and stole one of BH’s guns. Of course BH is pissed. We reported it to the police.

Side note: when we were talking to a cop friend of ours about it for advice he said: “We’re southern men. I’ll let you borrow my truck and you can even pet my dog, but don’t mess with my wife and don’t mess with my gun.” Yeah, it’s been trigger city around here lately.

Step monster: While dating my mom told her he has a master’s degree and is a retired teacher who went to the Olympic trials for track and field in the 60s. Told her he owns a home and a bunch of land and cattle, blah, blah, blah. Rushed her to marry him. She is gullible and has zero self esteem but is the CEO of her organization, is well known and well liked in the community, and is too kind for her own good. Once they were married and he showed up with a few trash bags of ratty clothes and some woman called and told him to bring her truck back that her had borrowed mom discovered that he had, no degree, no retirement, no property, no vehicle, and had not had a J-O-B in decades. He lives off the women he cons. He has done a lot of crazy scary stuff since he slinked onto the scene which I will spare you, most of it is impossible to believe unless you saw it anyway.

So step monster is a sociopath, NPD, serial cheater. We used to live out in the woods next door to my mom on a big hunk of land that has been in my family for centuries. BH, BIL, and the kids used to hunt out there. We used to have all family holidays out there. But since mom has married this guy and after much family drama and an intervention involving all the sibs and spouses, and a 6 foot dry erase board with the litany of insane and toxic behavior we can no longer expose ourselves and our families to, we moved into town and no one will go to my mother’s house. We welcome her (alone) to our homes as often as she would like but we all refuse to deal with him.

So we left a bunch of our stuff in a 3BR trailer that we bought and we also left our travel trailer out there. Step monster moved our travel trailer without our permission and screwed it up. We asked that he not touch any of our property.

Last week my housekeeper who also cleans my mother’s house said that she was told by this 90 year old guy (we will call him Mr. C.) who hangs out with the step monster that step monster had gone with Mr. C and Mr. C’s two teenage grandsons to our trailer, broke the door with a crowbar, gone through our stuff, stolen BH’s gun and left the door hanging open. It is very humid here so all of our property is covered with mildew and ruined. Oh well, I knew I should have gotten our stuff away from there but just haven’t gotten to it yet. Step monster didn’t want to keep the gun in his possession either because my mom would notice or because it’s stolen so he convinced Mr. C to take it home with him. Mr. C is just lonely and want’s someone to talk to.
Mr. C was uncomfortable having the gun at his house so he talked to housekeeper about the situation. She advised him not to keep it and not to let his grandson’s use it because it is stolen. He brought it back to step-monster then step monster gave the gun to one of step-monster’s brother’s to keep for him.

Housekeeper relayed this to us after a few weeks and we have relayed it to the police. Detective is talking to all involved but he asked us if gun is recovered would we be willing to drop charges as an incentive to return the gun. BH would like step-monster to go to jail as would I since mother is still in denial that there is anything wrong with the guy. But I feel so bad for Mr. C and the teenage boys who will also be dragged down in this mess.

I’m having anxiety attacks again. I love my mom but I so want to move far away from here and never come back.

Any thoughts?

Aubrie posted 11/25/2013 15:44 PM

My vote? Don't drop the charges. If there is a way to nail his but to the wall legally, I would totally take that path. I would love to have an opportunity like this with my FOO crap going on. You mean I can press charges and he has to face consequences??? Suuuuure officer. Let me help you!

Course take anything I have to say at this moment in time with about about 4 gallons of salt.

I understand that Mr. C in the middle kind of muddles things up. *sigh* I dunno.

Sorry you're having nightmares and anxiety over this. I can relate allll too well.

[This message edited by Aubrie at 3:44 PM, November 25th (Monday)]

knightsbff posted 11/25/2013 15:58 PM

My nightmares and anxiety about this mess are all about my mom really. We are pretty sure step-monster and mom don't know anything yet because housekeeper said she hadn't been contacted as of last Friday.

I wonder what my mom's reaction is going to be when her pos H is dragged to the sheriff's office and questioned or possibly arrested… I hate causing my mother pain and anxiety.

…But I guess I didn't really cause it did I?

Thanks Aubrie, I feel like that's probably the right answer because this guy NEVER has consequences. He always slithers right out of it. ALWAYS.

20WrongsVs1 posted 11/25/2013 16:04 PM

((kbff)) Holy. Crap! I had an anxiety attack just reading your post. So sorry y'all are going through that.

Could the detective offer Mr. C an immunity deal, or plead to a hand-slap, since he was the informant? And just press charges against step-douche and douche-juniors? Just wondering. What a shitty situation.

toomanyregrets posted 11/25/2013 17:48 PM

Drop the charges on the gun, but get him, and his kids, on breaking and entering.

knightsbff posted 11/25/2013 20:07 PM

I don't think the police will let me choose the charges, will they?

The kids are Mr. C's grand kids, I don't really think they knew what he was dragging them along for. I think step monster wanted to make sure there were others with him in case he got caught.

20WrongsVs1 posted 11/25/2013 20:24 PM

Misunderstood who the GC were. Ugh. I say let the cops arrest the lot. If in their statements Mr. C and his GC all consistently corroborate that step-asshole lied to them, e.g., it was his trailer and he lost the key and needed their help b/c he's too dumb to operate a crowbar, hopefully the law will go easy on them.

Again, wow. So sorry you're going through this.