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Lola7 posted 11/25/2013 17:18 PM

This is easily the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced in my life. But there is just no way to fix it. He even said there is no way I’d trust him again, that we’d never rebuild after this, and he’s right. And especially since he’s not willing to fight for us, I certainly can’t fight for this marriage on my own. I give up. I’ve tapped out. There’s nothing more I can do. Lord knows I tried last night. When we talked on the phone, the first time in 3 weeks, he finally started to fall apart; It made me feel kind of good. I actually had to force out my waterworks to match him, just to see if he’d keep it up. And he did. Lol

He cries for himself. Not for me or what he’s done to me. I realize this now. He is only trying to manipulate me and somehow control the flow of the divorce. I can’t allow him to do this to me.

In less than three weeks since my DDay, I have managed the following:
• I’m still breathing and upright
• I moved all his shit out of our room and made it mine the very night I found out.
• I packed his shit and had it ready for him and he has completely moved out within the first week.
• Outted the affair to the OW's husband.
• I secured a lawyer, a therapist, Xanax, and Prozac.
• I managed to get back to work and am improving every day.
• I am floored by the kindness and sweet words of complete strangers here, and just on the street when I make small talk and tell them “Hi. I’m getting divorced!”
• I sleep as much as my body wants and I drink plenty of water.
• I ask for help, something I’ve never done in my entire life.
• I am so very grateful for the friends I have who have literally saved my life that first week.

I might lose the house, but I don't know if I even care anymore. The truth is, I swim in it, but I'll make up my mind later if I want to stay. I don't have to make that decision now.

So all is not lost; obviously today is a good day. This man has brought me the single greatest heartbreak of my entire life. But one thing I know, I’ll never have to worry about him doing it to me again.

[This message edited by Lola7 at 5:42 PM, November 25th (Monday)]

sunsetslost posted 11/25/2013 17:31 PM

Embrace the good days. Drink in the kindness of friends and family. Even strangers. Keep taking care of yourself. Always remember this process takes time. Legal and emotional. You don't have to do it all at once.

You're off to a great start. Embrace the wins, remember this feeling when you have downturns on the roller coaster.

We'll get through this together.

(((lola7)))

nowiknow23 posted 11/25/2013 19:28 PM

(((lola)))

I ask for help, something I’ve never done in my entire life

gypsybird87 posted 11/25/2013 19:49 PM

What an incredible post. You are doing GREAT! Be proud of yourself during the good, strong moments, and be easy on yourself during the down, sad moments. It really is a rollercoaster, so stay prepared. You can be up one day and down the next. I don't mean to rain on your awesome sunny post, lol... I just want you to know it happens and it's normal. When I hit a downward swoop, after riding pretty high, I thought I was failing, or breaking... or going backwards in some way. But I wasn't and you won't either. So if that "feeling" hits you, don't panic.

You're doing great and you will be okay.

SBB posted 11/26/2013 05:48 AM

This is amazing. Just amazing. I cried rivers of tears when I reached this place. Acceptance was enormously painful.

The silver lining?....

I’ll never have to worry about him doing it to me again.

^^THIS. Such a simple little sentence. This is what comforted me in my darkest days. The Dr Phil-ism "The only thing worse than wasting X years in a bad marriage is wasting X years and 1 day in a bad marriage."

((Lola7)) You've so got this honey. Keep doing what you're doing. Ride the troughs and bask in the sunshine of the highs. This damned roller coaster is a bumpy ride sometimes but its all worth it when you catch glimpses of the future. At first they are just little glimpses but then the picture widens.

WeepingBuddhist posted 11/26/2013 08:48 AM

Thanks for posting this! I needed to read "I'll never have to worry about him doing it to me again".

PurpleRose posted 11/26/2013 09:04 AM

You've already come so far. Good for you!!

Lola7 posted 11/26/2013 10:22 AM

It really is a roller coaster. But I have to believe this has happened as it did for a reason. I feel like God/Universe has a plan for me so I don't need to do anything but just Be Still and allow it to all untangle itself.

Of course I don't like that the plan left me curb-stomped and feeling incapacitated, but I'll just have to push through it. I know I'll have good days and bad, but each day gets a tiny, tiny bit better.

sleepless34 posted 11/26/2013 14:31 PM

Good for you Lola. You are doing great, getting things done. The therapy is a lifesaver as is the Xanax and Prozac :)

Maybe he will regret it someday and realize what an ass he was, but you will be long gone.

That is great emotional progress in 3 weeks! I was still in shock wandering around enjoying the xanax and prozac wonderng when the aliens were going to return my husband or when I would wake up from the nightmare...

hexed posted 11/26/2013 14:42 PM

Go Lola! Amazing to do so much in so little time.

peridot posted 11/26/2013 14:45 PM

(((Lola)))

PurpleBirch posted 11/26/2013 21:33 PM

((Lola))

Sounds like you're on the right track.