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Rabecca posted 11/25/2013 19:07 PM

Is there a point where divorce is too soon? My WH is in an EA. He has moved out and is living with his brother. When I have asked him why he hasn't filed if he is so sure our marriage is over he says because of taxes. Today I say in a packet he left at our house that he has started to fill out divorce paperwork. I contacted my legal plan to get a list of attorney's in my network but it all feels so wrong. My gut just aches. I know I need to get my legal head on but I am on the fence. I is almost like the thought of divorce hurts worse than the infidelity. I have strong moments where I just don't care and I just want it over with. Other moments I am paralyzed with fear of the future. I just want the pain to stop.

Thefly559 posted 11/25/2013 19:15 PM

The pain stops when you allow it to. He moved out, he is filling out paperwork,( Gently )it sounds like he is making the decision for you. Get a lawyer asap and get yourself prepared for the worst , nobody wants this but you need to arm yourself please. I wish you luck and strength

Take2 posted 11/25/2013 19:22 PM

Rabecca - I don't know your story, but it wouldn't hurt to at least consult an atty. just for information purposes, and it might take some of the fear out of what seems to be looming. Get your financial info together and ask some questions (find a lawyer who give free consults).

Tax purposes... sounds like a bs line, but then so does the EA. I've heard rumors of WS leaving the marriage for an EA - but it is usually just that - a rumor. Later it is revealed that a PA is in full swing... Course living with his brother is nice cover, and it isn't like you are going to pack 3 kids in the car and follow him... But if you have a good friend willing to do that - I'd tap them.

I'm not trying to make things worse hon, but making a decision on false information is never advised -- and I find it hard to believe he packed up and left for a "friend".

mandan66 posted 11/25/2013 19:42 PM


(Thefly)is right; whether or not you think its too soon, he obviously doesn't. Protect yourself, starting first thing tomorrow morning. You are dealing with someone who thought so little of you they cheated; once they cross that line, cheating you financially is no biggie either.
Its all business now---and you and the kids need to come first. Sending you strength and hugs!

gypsybird87 posted 11/25/2013 20:00 PM


So sorry you're in this position. The limbo land of knowing that it's over, but still not quite acceptingthat it's over, is an agonizing place to be.

I don't know about the tax issues etc but I tend to agree with the posters who are calling bull on that. And I also agree (gently) with those who say that your ex is making his intentions clear. Sad, tragic, hurtful... but clear.

For those of us that love with our whole hearts, and thought that our marriages were forever, divorce is always too soon. Someone much wiser than me posted on here somewhere that divorce is not what we want, but it is sometimes what is necessary.

Meeting with an attorney, protecting yourself and staying pro-active in the process is the best way to help yourself get through it. I know it's a shaky, scary bridge to walk across, but try to remember that healing lives on the other side.

Big hugs to ((you)).

Lost15 posted 11/25/2013 21:23 PM

Please go get legal counsel. I didn't right away because I didn't know about the MOW until later. Up until then I truly thought our marriage would be saved and even after finding out about her. He had a lawyer weeks before ever filing, he was just waiting for the "right time" to file and have me served. So many people told me to get a lawyer from day 1 but I didn't and again was blindsided. Now I'm going through a divorce that never wanted and had no choice in. Something that should have been fairly easy has turned into a nightmare and he has become a hateful person. I did not want this divorce in the beginning and some days I'm still not sure, but my gut knows that this is for the best. He isn't the man I married 15 years ago. Don't let him make the decision for you. At least talk to an attorney so you know what your rights are.

Rabecca posted 11/26/2013 13:25 PM

I contacted my legal plan and they will be sending me out information. I didn't tell him that I had seen the paperwork but he brought up that he saw my notes on the table and asked if I was filing. I told him I was reviewing my options. He said he was glad because the paperwork was too complicated for him and didn't want to mess things up. He wants to make sure me and the kids are well taken care of. He said that if I file it probably will go better for me because of course everyone is going to be on my side given the circumstance. California is a no-fault state so I don't get his logic. Why should I have to be the one to file if he is the one that doesn't want to be married anymore? I get really tired of that kind of crap. My neighbor suggested legal separation for a year because as he puts it 'a lot can change in a year'. He is fairly certain my WH whole world is going to come crashing down. I just wish I felt as confident. I know I am not supposed to believe what I see and hear but it is really hard not too.

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