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A Childhood with Cheating

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Ashland13 posted 11/26/2013 06:16 AM

There is a young boy I know who has become one of my best friends. We support each other as he watches us go through the same thing his parents did.

Somehow, this young boy still has a sensitivity that's rare to find in life anymore, while his brother has lost this part of himself.

Sometimes he says things that stay in my mind for many days later and I put them on Si in hope of bringing anyone else the comfort they bring me.

So, that being said with my lengthy writing, here is the latest:

"The step mom will never, ever be the mom." His father has had an OW for many moons and he was flung into the back and forth life that DD now faces.

Oftentimes, I question what will become of DD and I as Fatty attempts to get closer to her.

And so I work even harder, while searching for strength, to be a good parent and to continue to solidify a relationship with her that already was not easy.

These words were said very innocently and warmed my heart, which is not an easy feat nowadays. He then told me, "you're lots like my mom and I'm glad she has rules, so I know what to do. OW has no rules and just yells at us."

ETA that I've called him "bittersweet boy" in previous writing, because the things he has to say are just that...both bitter...and sweet.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:19 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

Thefly559 posted 11/26/2013 07:01 AM

Lovely post. Often the children are so resilient and so much smarter than us. My children also say such mindful things. They are like sponges and absorb all but you just keep providing the stability and guidance that you always have and you will see the results

Ashland13 posted 11/26/2013 08:21 AM

Thank you, Fly. I sure try.

sleepless34 posted 11/26/2013 14:24 PM

Your daughter will realize someday when she is older what a strong, capable, honorable loving mom you were during these hard times. She will see it all how it is when she is old enough to get it. You will make sure she turns out to be a strong, happy, healthy person.

One of my BFFs Dad was a cheater and her mom finally kicked him out when she was 9. Her mom died last year, but she now looks back and sees how well her mom handled a really bad situation, how strong she was, what a great mom she was. Her Dad actually fathered another child with a single woman while he was married to her mom, and that half brother contacted her a few years ago. He got adopted and grew up in the next town...she could have dated her half brother and never knew it!! Her Dad is old and wrecked now. She forgave him eventually, but she never respected him.

I know I am the rock for my kids. We were already really close before and this horrific situation is only making us closer. I was and am the center of our family, so if he thinks he is going to have a more satisfying relationship with his kids separately without me, I think he is in for a big surprise. They will never feel the same way about him. It may get to "okay" but the trust and respect and image of that perfect Daddy is gone, gone, gone.

I know I will have to be the one and only that will do all the heavy lifting when it comes to raising these girls. I will have to teach them values, self esteem, spirituality, honesty and about love, family and commitment. They won't get much from my STBX, he isn't capable or deep enough. He can be there in their lifes, but it will be on the surface. They already feel that, it always has been me, he was just in the background, and I know I will have to be even stronger and work even harder in the future as a single mom.

Fatty will never have anything on you with your DD!

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