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Waiting periods prior to D being official...

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7yrsflushed posted 11/26/2013 10:03 AM

I guess I am one of those people that won't feel normal again until the D is actually final. I have detached, seperated, filed for D, and I am 8 months away from the 1 year waiting period being over for the D to be finalized. I spend time doing things I want to do and in general have started moving on with my life. I am happy and doing okay. My concern is while I am moving forward with my life I still feel like something is holding me back or things are on hold. I "think" it's because the D is not final yet. I have been on a few dates but honestly I don't even want to date until I am officially divorced. I feel like something is missing or I am missing something and I am pretty sure it's the fact that I am still legally M to my STBXWW that is holding me back from truly enjoying myself. The official D decree is the last piece of the puzzle that completely separates me from her. I can't truly move forward until it's officially over or at least that's how I feel. It's like this cloud that follows you around and it won't go away until the D is finalized. Anyone else feel that way?

Also whatever idiot lawmakers in my state came up with waiting periods should be beaten repeatedly by the Wiggles, Barney, DJ LANZ and the Teletubbies. Rhetorical question but if I can walk into the County/City office sign a piece of paper and be married in about 5 minutes, why the fudge do I have to wait a year to get a D....

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 10:04 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

Pass posted 11/26/2013 10:19 AM

Dude, I hear you. In my province (Ontario, Canada), we also have to wait a year. I am so ready!

Gemini71 posted 11/26/2013 13:07 PM

Also whatever idiot lawmakers in my state came up with waiting periods should be beaten repeatedly by the Wiggles, Barney, DJ LANZ and the Teletubbies.

Love it!!

PhoenixRising88 posted 11/26/2013 13:18 PM

A YEAR?? You have to wait a YEAR???

MAN - that blows. Here I was upset that I have to wait 61 days....I'll take 61 days and not complain anymore ever about it!

ExhaustedWhat2do posted 11/26/2013 13:30 PM

1 year is crazy, we have a 3 month "cooling" off period. I think A's should go to the front of the line and be expedited, because once you file what is the point. It's over. I don't need to think about any longer. Thinking is done, complete 180, move on, and disconnect all things that tied us together.

nowiknow23 posted 11/26/2013 13:33 PM

My state's waiting period is 90 days. It was just about right, in my mind, as we had mandatory parenting classes and mandatory mediation (1 session minimum) that had to be completed before we could finalize.

Sending you strength, 7yrs.

7yrsflushed posted 11/26/2013 13:40 PM

A YEAR?? You have to wait a YEAR???
Yep, because you know the institution of marriage is so sacred that we must make sure you actually WANT to get out of it. And this is after we have agreed on EVERYTHING and the documents are signed. Custody determined, CS determined, property settlement agreement in place with signatures but I still have to wait a year. Time is going by pretty fast but still I just want to be legally no longer tied at all to this person.

ETA: just venting, I'm one of those people that needs finality to something before I can move on and it's becoming obvious to me that I won't be able to really let go of it all until she is officially no longer my W. I'm at the indifference part on most things but I still have some anger when I think back over years. Still working through that and the decree will definitely help.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 1:44 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

Brandon808 posted 11/26/2013 20:52 PM

In my state it is 1 year for no-fault, 3 months for fault D. My lawyer was a genius and managed to make the evidence I gave her work and got my D done 4 months after I moved out. Not only did I get my D faster but it is a matter of record that xww's cheating is the cause for the D.

AussieMum posted 11/26/2013 21:02 PM

Here in Australia it's a year... It's gone very quickly for me though and now I am only 8 weeks away from being able to file for divorce. Cannot wait.

PurpleBirch posted 11/26/2013 21:05 PM

I feel the same way. When I talk about WH, I still feel like I should say "my husband" -even though we are separated and will be divorcing. When people see me with the kids and say "blah blah your husband", I always say that I'm separated. But I still kinda think of him as my husband, since he legally is. Does that make sense? I don't think of him as my husband in the full sense of the word. Just a paper thing. Ugh. The year cannot end fast enough.

Nature_Girl posted 11/26/2013 21:11 PM

I totally get what you're saying. I felt a tangible change the instant I knew the judge had signed the final decree.

stronger08 posted 11/26/2013 21:56 PM

Mine took almost a year and there is no waiting period in my state. After we finally came to an agreement we both signed off and filed it with the court. Just needed a judge to sign off on it. The judge did not like the wording of a certain part and rejected it. Had to have it reworded, signed off by both parties and refiled. Then when it was to the judges liking I still had to wait many months just to get notified that I was D. I have to say that was the longest year of my life. Seemed to go on longer then the actual negotiations. And trust me negotiating with a remorseless, psycho, NPD person is no easy task. But in hindsight it was all worth the time and effort to finally be free again.

trumanshow posted 11/26/2013 22:13 PM

My state requires a year-but it's been over 2 1/2 years-can't wait until it's done

badnewsbears posted 11/26/2013 22:26 PM

7 years- i feel you , it truly does feel like a cloud looming over you all the time.... and i am only in the beginning stages of my filing . you feel as if you are still married to them, yet seperated at the same time - crazy mix of emotions!

i personally have the hardest time not saying "we", or "us" , and even worse is referencing him as my "husband" ( insert fork in eyeball :/ )

hopefully as time moves forward it will get slightly easier. luckily in my state its only a 60 day waiting period, i really shouldn't complain!

Jayne Doe posted 11/27/2013 13:47 PM

I'm with you about the feeling of being held back by this divorce.

I hired my attorney in January and I am still not officially divorced. And we have no waiting period here! It just has taken this long. Don't even get me started about how much it has cost

It's like a dead weight that you have to carry with you. I cannot wait until it is over. I've moved on, but everytime I get an email or a phone call from the attorney, it just reminds me that I am STILL legally married.

Here's to the endings that let us start our new beginnings.

SBB posted 11/27/2013 14:07 PM

We have a 12m wait too. It sucks. I think I'll enjoy the actual D more now that I am a year out.

I read stats on here about DD Jan, S Feb, D Mar and a part of me is jealous and the other part of me thinks 'Holy Shit - I didn't even know what day it was 3m out, how the hell did they get through that?".

I do think its strange that you only have to wait 30 days from applying for a marriage certificate to being granted one. Maybe because a lot can change in a few months? i.e.: Gunshot Wedding.

Who knows. All I know is it will be worth the wait. Apparently the sad clown took no time to blow up his M but wants to take his sweet time ending the fraud. WTF-ever dude.

I don't feel held back by it. I'm no longer his wife in word, thought or deed. I am no longer being cheated on. That to me is worth more than any piece of paper saying we are either M or D.

I've dated casually and a little more seriously - its not the D holding me back, its the fact that I'm not yet ready, not healed. I think I need to be ready first rather than meet the guy and then be ready, IYKWIM?

You're adjusting to a new normal. I doubt you would feel normal if you were already D'd now. Sure, its another brick in the wall of healing but its not the wall.

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