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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: Waiting periods prior to D being official...
7yrsflushed
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I am one of those people that won't feel normal again until the D is actually final. I have detached, seperated, filed for D, and I am 8 months away from the 1 year waiting period being over for the D to be finalized. I spend time doing things I want to do and in general have started moving on with my life. I am happy and doing okay. My concern is while I am moving forward with my life I still feel like something is holding me back or things are on hold. I "think" it's because the D is not final yet. I have been on a few dates but honestly I don't even want to date until I am officially divorced. I feel like something is missing or I am missing something and I am pretty sure it's the fact that I am still legally M to my STBXWW that is holding me back from truly enjoying myself. The official D decree is the last piece of the puzzle that completely separates me from her. I can't truly move forward until it's officially over or at least that's how I feel. It's like this cloud that follows you around and it won't go away until the D is finalized. Anyone else feel that way?

Also whatever idiot lawmakers in my state came up with waiting periods should be beaten repeatedly by the Wiggles, Barney, DJ LANZ and the Teletubbies. Rhetorical question but if I can walk into the County/City office sign a piece of paper and be married in about 5 minutes, why the fudge do I have to wait a year to get a D....

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 10:04 AM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1943 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude, I hear you. In my province (Ontario, Canada), we also have to wait a year. I am so ready!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also whatever idiot lawmakers in my state came up with waiting periods should be beaten repeatedly by the Wiggles, Barney, DJ LANZ and the Teletubbies.


Love it!!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2098 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
PhoenixRising88
♀ 35214
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A YEAR?? You have to wait a YEAR???

MAN - that blows. Here I was upset that I have to wait 61 days....I'll take 61 days and not complain anymore ever about it!


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 434 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
ExhaustedWhat2do
♂ 40947
Member # 40947
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1 year is crazy, we have a 3 month "cooling" off period. I think A's should go to the front of the line and be expedited, because once you file what is the point. It's over. I don't need to think about any longer. Thinking is done, complete 180, move on, and disconnect all things that tied us together.


BS(Me) 42
WW 43
DD 9/27/13
Married 6 1/2yrs; together 8
Going through Divorce, heading toward freedom

Posts: 35 | Registered: Oct 2013
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My state's waiting period is 90 days. It was just about right, in my mind, as we had mandatory parenting classes and mandatory mediation (1 session minimum) that had to be completed before we could finalize.

Sending you strength, 7yrs.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26516 | Registered: Aug 2011
7yrsflushed
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A YEAR?? You have to wait a YEAR???
Yep, because you know the institution of marriage is so sacred that we must make sure you actually WANT to get out of it. And this is after we have agreed on EVERYTHING and the documents are signed. Custody determined, CS determined, property settlement agreement in place with signatures but I still have to wait a year. Time is going by pretty fast but still I just want to be legally no longer tied at all to this person.


ETA: just venting, I'm one of those people that needs finality to something before I can move on and it's becoming obvious to me that I won't be able to really let go of it all until she is officially no longer my W. I'm at the indifference part on most things but I still have some anger when I think back over years. Still working through that and the decree will definitely help.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 1:44 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1943 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Brandon808
♂ 35619
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my state it is 1 year for no-fault, 3 months for fault D. My lawyer was a genius and managed to make the evidence I gave her work and got my D done 4 months after I moved out. Not only did I get my D faster but it is a matter of record that xww's cheating is the cause for the D.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4118 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
AussieMum
♀ 36579
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here in Australia it's a year... It's gone very quickly for me though and now I am only 8 weeks away from being able to file for divorce. Cannot wait.


Me 47
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 183 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
PurpleBirch
♀ 39170
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way. When I talk about WH, I still feel like I should say "my husband" -even though we are separated and will be divorcing. When people see me with the kids and say "blah blah your husband", I always say that I'm separated. But I still kinda think of him as my husband, since he legally is. Does that make sense? I don't think of him as my husband in the full sense of the word. Just a paper thing. Ugh. The year cannot end fast enough.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally get what you're saying. I felt a tangible change the instant I knew the judge had signed the final decree.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10153 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine took almost a year and there is no waiting period in my state. After we finally came to an agreement we both signed off and filed it with the court. Just needed a judge to sign off on it. The judge did not like the wording of a certain part and rejected it. Had to have it reworded, signed off by both parties and refiled. Then when it was to the judges liking I still had to wait many months just to get notified that I was D. I have to say that was the longest year of my life. Seemed to go on longer then the actual negotiations. And trust me negotiating with a remorseless, psycho, NPD person is no easy task. But in hindsight it was all worth the time and effort to finally be free again.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5905 | Registered: Nov 2007
trumanshow
♀ 25624
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My state requires a year-but it's been over 2 1/2 years-can't wait until it's done


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
badnewsbears
♀ 41254
Member # 41254
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, November 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7 years- i feel you , it truly does feel like a cloud looming over you all the time.... and i am only in the beginning stages of my filing . you feel as if you are still married to them, yet seperated at the same time - crazy mix of emotions!

i personally have the hardest time not saying "we", or "us" , and even worse is referencing him as my "husband" ( insert fork in eyeball :/ )

hopefully as time moves forward it will get slightly easier. luckily in my state its only a 60 day waiting period, i really shouldn't complain!


Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2013
Jayne Doe
♀ 32664
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you about the feeling of being held back by this divorce.

I hired my attorney in January and I am still not officially divorced. And we have no waiting period here! It just has taken this long. Don't even get me started about how much it has cost

It's like a dead weight that you have to carry with you. I cannot wait until it is over. I've moved on, but everytime I get an email or a phone call from the attorney, it just reminds me that I am STILL legally married.

Here's to the endings that let us start our new beginnings.


Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1457 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a 12m wait too. It sucks. I think I'll enjoy the actual D more now that I am a year out.

I read stats on here about DD Jan, S Feb, D Mar and a part of me is jealous and the other part of me thinks 'Holy Shit - I didn't even know what day it was 3m out, how the hell did they get through that?".

I do think its strange that you only have to wait 30 days from applying for a marriage certificate to being granted one. Maybe because a lot can change in a few months? i.e.: Gunshot Wedding.

Who knows. All I know is it will be worth the wait. Apparently the sad clown took no time to blow up his M but wants to take his sweet time ending the fraud. WTF-ever dude.

I don't feel held back by it. I'm no longer his wife in word, thought or deed. I am no longer being cheated on. That to me is worth more than any piece of paper saying we are either M or D.

I've dated casually and a little more seriously - its not the D holding me back, its the fact that I'm not yet ready, not healed. I think I need to be ready first rather than meet the guy and then be ready, IYKWIM?

You're adjusting to a new normal. I doubt you would feel normal if you were already D'd now. Sure, its another brick in the wall of healing but its not the wall.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5735 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 16

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