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They affair down because we are awesome.

They are tired of feeling like we are better than them, and so they go and find someone that they feel superior to.
Ego strokes.
We are so much better that we threaten them with our greatness.
So they find someone who does not. An it makes them feel better about themselves.

That's my theory anyway. Too harsh?

Edited for spelling.

[This message edited by TheAmazingWondertwin at 6:09 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

I actually don't think that's too far off.

My H always said he thought I could have done better than him. He didn't feel worthy of me - or at least felt like everyone we knew felt like I could have done better. He definitely was drawn to someone who made him feel better about himself. Since he was a lying, deceiving, cheating, poor excuse of a husband, he had to go pretty low down to find someone who could look up to him. Bottom feeder.

LOL - "bottom feeder".

I actually feel like I solved the riddle of the sphinx.
I think it is that fucking simple.

Your story about your H and how you were better? Ditto here.

It just makes sense. And then they throw a tantrum for attention (i.e. go and fuck another woman) and call it a mistake.
You didn't fucking knock over the cookie jar asshole- you stole my goddamned life.
Grow the fuck up. Everyone just needs to grow the fuck up. APs and WSs alike.

Wow. Not sure where that came from.
Pardon the language.

so they go and find someone that they feel superior to.

that's what I finally figured out about ex.

Well, I don't feel awesome.

But MrH has said he put me on a pedestal. That I am a good person, a smart person, one of the best people he knows.

So maybe you're idea has merit.

(Totally not channelling Jafar talking to Iago there )

I think this is true in my case. I actually have always had self-esteem issues and have never thought very highly of myself, but I think my ex had a hard time with me being "better" than him...

I never looked at it that way, but I had the better education, I had the better career, I had more money, I had a lot of things I accomplished that he probably never would...

I think he started to feel inferior. OW was less educated than him, OW had a shittier job than him, OW had less money than him... I think she made him feel successful and superior and that was good for his ego.

Thank you for the ego boost! Seems your theory applies in my case after A#1 when I became a stronger, healthier, and more confident person through IC while he went underground into greater perversion.

H actually also said he thought she was mousey and lacked confidence. A real low-risk target. He thought she was desperate enough that he wouldn't get shot down.

He actually told her - during the A while he was explaining something to her - that she really could have been anybody...... guess that didn't go over well -

I don't think it really has anything to do with us one way or another, sorry to say.

No Jana- I know.

It's just hard when nothing makes sense anymore.

That is absolutely what happened with us. When I was a messed up drug addict who kept blowing our life up every other year, he could rescue me and save the family and feel superior. But when I got sober and started getting healthier, he did not like it one but. He needed someone to feel superior to, and I'll be damned if he didn't hit the crack-whore crypt-keeper looking redneck white trash jackpot. I don't think he could have found someone more unattractive in every possible way if he went off on some mythical ugly monster quest.

It is true it has NOTHING to do with us but this theory is makin' me feel better

I'd like to go with it, but....

Part of wh affair behavior with chickie was making damn sure he criticized every blooming thing he could think of about me. Sadly, after hearing it for 3 years, some of it stuck and the stupid part of me wonders if chickie really is as amazing as he can make her sound

Well, Stunned, of course they have to criticize the BW to their little side pieces. I mean, if he sat around talking about how wonderful I was, why would he be looking for a side piece? It's all part of the fantasy world. It wouldn't be very romantic if he said, "I feel so inferior to my wife and you are pretty much scum of the earth so could I bonk you?"

Nope. So instead, ow gets to hear about big, bad, bitchy BW who can't ever be satisfied, gained too much weight after the babies, doesn't like sex, only cares about her career... Blah, blah, effing blah. And the panties just fall off.

In a way I want to laugh at your conclusion, but I will say that WH claimed that one of the main attractions to OW was that she was a disaster. He was going through the lowest point in his life, questioning his ability to be a husband/father due to health/mental health issues, and she was unattractive, had chronic diarrhea issues (she carried a roll toilet paper around with her and one time had poop on her pants from a slight accident that he was afraid to point out), unemployed (never had a true job her entire 37 years of her life), lived with her mother, and had no idea how to function in the real world. He claimed that I was "perfect" in every way, and he's never felt good enough for me. And so in turn, he felt like Superman standing next to Queen Failure.

That's what happened to me. Even before the "a" he said he wasn't good enough for me.
It pisses me off cause I told him, no one is better. If one of us has success we share in it equally because we r partners. We are there for,each other.
He took that as a "I should go fuck some ditch pig for 4 years. Ummm ok

*slow clap*

Amen.

PurpleBirch, you beat me to it!
Amen, Amen and Amen ( with some clapping)

LOL with the OW and tp and doo doo stains!! I really am LOLing, thanks for sharing that one!

Love you guys!!

Too harsh? Nope.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

My WH just told me this week, "You should have had drinks with me the night we met and then walked away."

Yep. I was always too good for him. Oh well. I have two wonderful children from him. I can never regret that.

They are tired of feeling like we are better than them,

Dunno about that. I think my XH just got tired of taking me for granted.

and so they go and find someone that they feel superior to.

Yup. This part absolutely. XH grumbled about my IQ being higher than his. OW's IQ is hovering around borderline-house plant. So, XH prolly feels REAL superior to it. XH wanted to be the king of dog-shit mountain. Now he is.