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3 years ago....at this very moment...I was curled up on my bedroom floor holding a handgun and wanting to just stop the pain. 3 times I put it in my mouth.....The third time I almost did it....I felt the trigger move and it was like a sonic boom went off in my head (no...not the handgun) and scared me almost straight. From that moment on...I was angry and went after them and their fantasy world. I succeeded after a non stop assault in which I exposed them to the world in all fashions. I didn't care.....

3 years later.....at least tonight that is....I feel like I should have just walked away....moved to my dream city....took that big job...and started clean. It's nothing she has done....it's just the memories are flooding today. Little things....etc....I am more angry today than the last 2 11/26s.....

normal?

[This message edited by Long Gone at 9:55 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

I am so sorry you got to that point.

I would say the anger you're feeling at 3 yrs out is normal. I know how I felt at that time. I think that's because you're a little further out and seeing things with a slightly different perspective. I know it was like that for me, anyway.

Sending you strength to get though this tough time.

I'm glad you didn't harm yourself that night!!! At 3 years out I was still angry and had a lot of triggers, but that continues to fade as time goes by. I also wish I'd done things differently. Normal as far as I'm concerned. (((LongGone)))

Normal. I'm in the anti-window and I'm talking myself into staying every other day. I know deep down that things will be better when I get out of this headspace.

Sending huge hugs and hoping tomorrow is better.

(((Long Gone)))

Sorry to say this here. But I feel a little relieved. Knowing I'm not the only one who is 3 years out and still a mess. Apparently there is light at the end if the tunnel. Not sure how line this tunnel is.

But I hope you find the help you need from the people here.