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The fog might be lifting

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ButterflyGirl posted 11/26/2013 21:59 PM

Not really the fog like, "Man, I really messed things up with my wife. I'm a piece of shit. Can't believe I did this."

More like the fog of, "Holy shit. I'm gonna have to pay child support! Divorcing her is gonna hurt my wallet. Hmmm, maybe this wasn't such a bright idea."

Let's summarize the last year:

I filed D in November 2012.
Eight-week temporary orders from first mediation in March failed.
Second mediation in May failed after 20 minutes.
I got screwed at our first pretrial in August since the judge was working a double case load since another judge was out sick, and he told us to leave and go work it out.

And through all this, I've practically begged the FuckTard to work with me and compromise and try to get at least some things agreed upon to get things moving. But the dickface wouldn't even discuss holidays. Wouldn't file taxes jointly to save money (he will actually have to redo his taxes since he incorrectly claimed the kids). Wouldn't even discuss who gets what TV, what couch, any of the assets. Nothing. I would send him emails of suggestions, and he would write back, "Nope, don't agree." NEVER did he try to get me to agree on anything.

So after $14K in lawyer fees and OVER A YEAR of him dicking me and the kids around since there haven't been any rules in place regarding visitation or child support (meaning he's given me no money since June and a couple hundred bucks before that even though I have the kids 90% of the time), NOW suddenly the FuckTard wants to text me a bunch of times and try to call me tonight.

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that we have court tomorrow, and his lawyer withdrew a couple weeks ago. My lawyer and I demanded a 2-hour pretrial, and I'm not leaving that courtroom until we have at least a visitation schedule, CS, and exclusive use of the house rules in place.

So since the dumbass has no idea what he's doing and has to go unrepresented tomorrow, NOOOOOOW the douche wants to talk. NOOOOOOW he wants to start discussing things. NOOOOOOW he doesn't want a trial. NOOOOOOW he wants us to do this without lawyers. NOOOOOOW he's wondering why we can't just talk about things. NOOOOOOW he's texting me things like, "I saw a family together today, and it made me sad."

WTF-ever dude.

He also got into another huge fight with his mom yesterday, and she ended up texting me, apologizing, and asking if she could go through me to see her grandkids since she doesn't want to talk to FuckTard anymore.

I was in such a manipulative twilight zone before D-Day. Even though he was so cruel, I would have done anything for this guy to make him happy, help him, support him, love him, anything.

But sorry asshole, all of those feelings are long gone, and I got nothing left for you but a middle finger and a "blow me" while I kick your ass in court tomorrow.

With all of my evidence, I don't think a monkey could screw this up, but any positive thoughts you could send my way would be appreciated. Hoping to have an awesome update for everyone tomorrow night

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 10:01 PM, November 26th (Tuesday)]

Gemini71 posted 11/26/2013 22:05 PM

Positive thoughts coming your way.

Getting the popcorn ready for tomorrow. Kick his A$$!!

gonnabe2016 posted 11/26/2013 22:05 PM

His L withdrew??? My concern is that all of the issues that you hope to get resolved tomorrow are going to be put on hold while your stbx seeks new counsel......

Nature_Girl posted 11/26/2013 22:06 PM

IrishLass518 posted 11/26/2013 22:10 PM

You have tons of court mojo from me

LifeIsBroken posted 11/26/2013 22:16 PM

I would hope your atty would insist the judge do something to move this along, reviewing with the judge how many times you tried to get a response from stbx & stbx did not respond / move forward.... UNTIL last night. If your atty spells it all out, it may be the judge will see some wisdom in resolving this for you. I hope so. It appears your stbx may be seeing that HE screwed up the whole thing and is a little bit nervous. Good. Crickets to him until court tomorrow ! Wishing you the best; you've earned it.

ButterflyGirl posted 11/26/2013 22:17 PM

I can NOT get enough of your GIFs NG, lol. You have been fabulous lately!!

I worry about that too Gonna. It has definitely crossed my mind, but I swear. I am NOT leaving without some rules in place. The only way to deal with assholes like him are to have boundaries, and enforce them. I have enough evidence to prove I NEED boundaries. I just can't be dicked around by him any longer. It's hurting the kids, and the judge better see that.

I also left the house when we separated because I couldn't take his verbal abuse (and escalating violence) anymore, and he hasn't paid the mortgage since I left, which was over a year ago. It's been in foreclosure since March, and they sent us a summons about 2 weeks ago. I absolutely will not live there if he's allowed to go there whenever he wants, but he's not responsible enough to get it taken care of and try to save it. It's more than obvious that I should have it.

I see people here all the time suggesting to apply for exclusive use of the house, etc., right away. That's what I need. I don't care how long the actual divorce takes. I just need some rules in place. Like yesterday. Like last fucking year.

notmychoice posted 11/26/2013 22:17 PM

I hope that it all goes in your favour!

LifeIsBroken posted 11/26/2013 22:17 PM

I would hope your atty would insist the judge do something to move this along, reviewing with the judge how many times you tried to get a response from stbx & stbx did not respond / move forward.... UNTIL last night. If your atty spells it all out, it may be the judge will see some wisdom in resolving this for you. I hope so. It appears your stbx may be seeing that HE screwed up the whole thing and is a little bit nervous. Good. Crickets to him until court tomorrow ! Wishing you the best; you've earned it.

PurpleBirch posted 11/26/2013 22:22 PM

Sending positive thoughts your way. Best of luck!

PurpleRose posted 11/26/2013 23:39 PM

You got this! Mojo coming at ya!

Housefulloflove posted 11/26/2013 23:45 PM

I was in such a manipulative twilight zone before D-Day. Even though he was so cruel, I would have done anything for this guy to make him happy, help him, support him, love him, anything.

But sorry asshole, all of those feelings are long gone, and I got nothing left for you but a middle finger and a "blow me" while I kick your ass in court tomorrow.


<3 This!

Good luck in court tomorrow! I hope you will be practically skipping out of the court room!

nowiknow23 posted 11/27/2013 00:09 AM

Fingers and toes crossed, mojo sent, and breath held. Really REALLY hope you get something - ANYTHING - in place tomorrow.

(ps - a whole year with ZERO progress? that's insane)

SBB posted 11/27/2013 02:34 AM

You scared the everliving shit out of me with your subject line.

I thought.... OMFG - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

But sorry asshole, all of those feelings are long gone, and I got nothing left for you but a middle finger and a "blow me" while I kick your ass in court tomorrow.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

You bang on those bars until they do something mamma bear. This shit is just not on.

Sending you Court Mojo.

SusanR posted 11/27/2013 04:27 AM

my arrorney tells me things could be really good or really bad depending on the judge we draw. There are 5.

It shouldn't be like that! Pisses me off.

i recall from my divorce 25 years ago and the subsequent battles over clild support and visitation that the system favors the scofflaw. I got screwed over and over again for years. I had to pay thousands to get supervised visitation even though the police had his house under survelliance for drugs and prostitution. My daughter reported drugs to me and the fact that Daddy's girlfriend was a "dancer". Sweet girl thought that meant she was a ballerina.

Since his income was primarily from drug sales and pimping (unreported), the child support was lowered and the judge made it "retroactive" basically wiped-out any arrears.

Karma is sweet, however. The man is now dead.

With everything that has happened to me recently, I am wondering what I did to deserve this! I am trusting that karma will eventually win out. You can't trust the legal system to help you. In hindsight, I should have taken my Mom's offer to have him bumped off. As she says, she would have been out of prison years ago!

I wish I could be just as pissed and indignant with my current WH. He is basically a good man with a terrible flaw. Maybe the courts will have less sympathy for him!


SusanR posted 11/27/2013 04:32 AM

My attorney tells me things could be really good or really bad depending on the judge we draw. There are 5.

It shouldn't be like that! Pisses me off.

I recall from my divorce 25 years ago and the subsequent battles over child support and visitation that the system favors the scofflaw. I got screwed over and over again for years. I had to pay thousands to get supervised visitation even though the police had his house under survelliance for drugs and prostitution. My 6 year old daughter reported drugs to me and the fact that Daddy's girlfriend was a "dancer". Sweet girl thought that meant she was a ballerina.

Since his income was primarily from drug sales and pimping (unreported), the child support was lowered and the judge made it "retroactive" basically wiped-out any arrears.

Karma is sweet, however. The man is now dead.

With everything that has happened to me recently, I am wondering what I did to deserve this! I am trusting that karma will eventually win out and balance this. You can't trust the legal system to help you. In hindsight, I should have taken my Mom's offer to have him bumped off. As she says, she would have been out of prison years ago!

I wish I could be just as pissed and indignant with my current WH. He is basically a good man with a terrible flaw. Maybe the courts will have less sympathy for him!


hexed posted 11/27/2013 07:01 AM

sending all the good vibes I can to you today!

ButterflyGirl posted 11/27/2013 08:37 AM

Oh SBB, I'm so glad to have friends on here. You've listened and supported me so long, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

Even if I just thought about going back to FTFred.. Hmmm. Not only would I feel the wrath of you and many others on here, and lots of IRL family and friends, I think my own leg would find a way to kick my ass if I did that.

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 8:38 AM, November 27th (Wednesday)]

ButterflyGirl posted 11/27/2013 19:24 PM

UPDATE!!!

I am going to have a VERY THANKFUL and HAPPY Thanksgiving.

House? Exclusively mine. Douche needs to be out by the 18th. And he is required by the judge to sign ANYTHING I need him to get it caught up.

Visitation? He gets EOW (THANK THE HEAVENS!!). And if I'm nice (this is NOT required of me), I can be flexible if he has the time free from his job and let him pick the kids up from school and return them to me at 8 p.m.

Child support? Oh yeah. Garnished. And with arrears until he's caught up.

HEY FTFRED!! ,,i,, BLOW ME!!

caregiver9000 posted 11/27/2013 19:35 PM

YAY!!!

It is about damn time!

so happy for this update, and the hope it gives to all those fighting to get there.

Happy Thanksgiving, BG.

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