Any ideas on what i should do and how i should do it. I need to talk to him tonight, im going to explode!
Thank you for your help xxx
First, I take it you're not married as you referred to him as your partner. Also not sure how long you've been together. If you're not married, you really need to ask yourself "Is this the person I want to be with". If he broke your trust, confidence, lied to you, deep down, you know. Let me ask another way. If you had a friend in a similar circumstance, or maybe even a daughter, what advice would you give? Personally, and it is a simple persons opinion, I'd be giving him a lot more than a "little" space. I mean a lot, like, "I deserve better than this" kind of space.
As far as confronting him. Perhaps start out by saying how much the relationship and he means (or meant) you know it wasn't "right", but was compelled to. You had suspicions, he knew you had suspicions... You checked and your suspicions were confirmed. If he denies, call him out on it. If he wants to keep the relationship alive with you, be prepared for his "rationalization" of his cheating. You were distant, cold, he didn't feel loved, she came on to him, he was weak, it wasn't his fault, it was your fault... the list could go on and on. Then, YOU HAVE to be prepared with what YOU, YOU, YOU want and expect. If you and he want the relationship to continue, YOU set the demands.
You'll receive a lot better advice that what I can give from others here. Much wiser than I. However, I do have two daughters. One young adult, the other late high school. If either of them were in a similar situation, I would so try to convince them that there are other men, better men, who worship their partner and would NEVER do anything to hurt them, emotionally or otherwise. They deserve better, as you do.
I know it's hard when you love someone. Please take time to thing what you want for yourself and make that happen-whether it's with this person or not. Best wishes!
Then you wait to see how he responds. Either he will realise you mean business and confess which would be the most positive thing, or he will deny and get defensive in which case he is not ready to be with you.
Stay strong, this is going to be a really difficult conversation.
This isnt how i wantd to spend my lead up to Christmas
If he lies blatantly to my face again then I'll have to come clean.
NO sweetie, YOU do not have to come clean. He does.
What you will need to do is, prior to confronting, come up with YOUR requirements for R. Know what YOU will accept from today forward.
All you have to keep repeating is "I KNOW" to all of his gas-lighting, blame-shifting shit. YOU do not have to explain anything. YOU KNOW.
Please think of postponing your wedding. Now is not the time to hitch your wagon up to a lying POS.
IF, and that's a big if, HE does the work then you can always set a new date.
My H cheated on me when we were teenagers. I wish I had never taken him back! In looking back over the last 40 yrs I now see clearly he has always had poor boundaries, and since I couldn't have imagined my life without him, he got away with a lot more shit than I should have had to eat! How stupid was/am I??? Of course we can make it without them!! We just need to dig down deep within ourselves sometimes.
This is mind-blowing for all of us. But SI has a closet full of women's bitch boots, (not sure what the men have ). We can fit you for your pair any time you're ready!
Sending strength. We are here for you any time.