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Just need to get it out of my heart

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lisaloo posted 11/27/2013 13:30 PM

I'm leaving WH...I know this intuitively, because he is completely unremorseful, he has moved out to God knows where, he has made it abundantly clear that he doesnt want me, and he's just being an all-around asshat lately...And I dont really want to be married to who he has become anyhow. So WHY THE HELL does it still CUT TO THE BONE to have him send an email and end it by saying "Tell DD I love her and hope she has fun. -WH"??

The absence of "I love you" happened in about 10 days...WH moved out with a freaking quickness...I mean, who makes decisions about destroying their family that fast? It's just nuts...And, no matter how bad I want to be blase about it, it is killing me...To top this whole mess of a situation off, WH mentioned (in a text, he wont actually speak to me-probably because that might make me a "real person" and I am pretty sure it suits his agenda right now for me to be the fictitious bitch he has created in his mind) that he hasn't told any of his family members that he left us...said that "it didn't work out well for him last time and he is trying not to repeat the same mistakes..." Um...WTF??? He cant actually think that there is a chance in hell that he can come back home, can he?

What is up with the weird mind games...I know he's been to see a lawyer...WH says he hasnt filed and isn't going to-he just wanted to protect himself during the separation (which I dont really believe, because he saw an attny 4 days before he moved out and, really, most of what comes out of his mouth is a lie). WH swears that he is going to continue to support DD and I...He even announced this to the elders of our church...but we have no freaking clue where he is! This is just nuts...and I'm TRYING to 180, but failing miserably, because this whole situation sucks and it doesn't make ANY SENSE.

It just doesn't add up...And not having all the missing pieces is eating me up inside.

Sorry...just needed to get it all out somewhere.

MovingUpward posted 11/27/2013 13:52 PM


nowiknow23 posted 11/27/2013 14:04 PM

((((lisaloo)))) I'm glad you're getting all this out, lisa. Of course it doesn't add up. He's reading out of his own script right now, honey. It won't make sense to you - you don't have the dubious benefit of his justifications and twisted thought processes to help you understand what he's doing and/or feeling. Don't even try to make sense of it. It's quite literally crazymaking to do so.

Sending you strength, honey.

caregiver9000 posted 11/27/2013 14:09 PM


I hope you can find some peace in the decision. Having a direction and a purpose can be empowering. Sure beats living with an unremorseful spouse!!

StillLivin posted 11/27/2013 14:14 PM

Honey, right now you need to give as much focus on you and your DD as you can.
Don't even try to make sense of crazy. That's pretty much him right now, crazy and delusional.
Yes, the not having all the facts is a huge mindf...!
Don't expend too much energy on the sleuthing, everything will come out eventually anyway. Say give, maybe 20%. Just know you may be spinning your wheels.
Only a crazy person does what they do.
Get your ducks all in a pretty, neat row. Get your rifle out, and ready, aim, fire.

KJac posted 11/27/2013 14:37 PM

lisaloo - I can so relate to this. My STBX very quickly went from [false]R to "done". Cold, cruel, callous and I also have no idea where he's even living.

Acts like he's all concerned about the kids but it's just for show. Lots of calls and texts to them/about them but in reality spending next to zero actual time w/them and paying no CS.

I truly hate him right now. But yet I completely understand when you say it cuts to the bone. The fact that he can be so cold and callous to me after everything he has done absolutely cuts to the bone. I wish I had some sage advice to make you feel better but can only offer that I know how you feel and you are not alone. The people on this site are absolutely amazing.

It has been my experience (read: learned the hard way, repeatedly) to trust absolutely nothing that comes out of STBX's mouth. I say this about him because it is so fitting "you know how you can tell if STBX is lying? his lips are moving"

One last tidbit from my personal experience - it has been 3 weeks since my STBX blindsided me, my IC and his IC in our first MC session w/the fact that he "thinks" this is a waste of time and he's "done" - since then he has made MANY comments about not rushing into the D, let's come up w/a temporary arrangement (CS, etc.), we don't need lawyers/let's try a mediator - but don't be fooled - he blindsided me yesterday by having me served another helping of what another BS called his "shit sandwich" - yup he served me w/ divorce papers - from HIS LAWYER.

It took my STBX 1 DAY, yes exactly 1 day to drop the "i luv u's" from his texts. Shows me how much he meant it

It still hurts though. And it SUCKS that it hurts. ((((hugs to you)))

lisaloo posted 11/27/2013 15:35 PM


he blindsided me yesterday by having me served another helping of what another BS called his "shit sandwich" - yup he served me w/ divorce papers - from HIS LAWYER.

THIS is what I am petrified is going to happen as soon as we get back from Disney...and I know the divorce is coming, so it's not so much that, I just need a little more time to prepare myself...and to get DD to a place where SHE can process it too...and to say goodbye to the freaking dream house that I designed from the floor to beautiful light fixtures that I will no longer get to live in...I'm REALLY going to miss that house

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