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First Holiday since DDay

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Lola7 posted 11/27/2013 15:11 PM

Right now, my entire office is buzzing about Thanksgiving. Everybody is hanging out discussing their plans, I'm sitting her with an imaginary protection bubble around me, typing on SI.

If you would have told me 3 weeks ago I'd be in this position, I never would have believed it. He's going to be telling his family how this divorce is the best thing for us, he'll lie and say he was unhappy for years, he'll get hugs and "atta-boys", I get to walk into my house alone and feel like shit.

Tomorrow I get to break the news to my family and most of them haven't heard. I'm dreading it. I just want the holidays over with.

StillLivin posted 11/27/2013 16:07 PM

Oh, Honey! I'm so sorry. I peeked at your profile.
Go to your family. Let their genuine love help heal you. Let them support you as much as you need. You will be surprised at the healing in familial love and support.

20Hopeful16 posted 11/27/2013 16:13 PM

Hugs Lola!

First holiday here too. Except my WH isn't with his family, he's with his MOW's family. How messed up is that?

I agree with StillLivin, go to your family and let them support you. If you don't feel up to telling everyone tomorrow, consider telling someone tonight and asking them to tell people for you. I did that a few times when I just couldn't bring myself to say the words.

NewMom0220 posted 11/27/2013 16:18 PM

I agree with everyone. Go to your family. Talking helps...and talking more...and then talking more. Talk until you don't want to talk anymore.

Also, listen. It's hard when things are so fresh..but sometimes, especially in the beginning, my family could see things I wasn't ready to see or say things I wasn't ready to hear but it helped in the long run.

Sending you lots of hugs. I just read your story and so many of the things that happened to you also happened to me and many others on this site. I swear that Wayward handbook they talk about must really exist because a lot of us have heard the same words, justifications, and have experienced the same mind games.

Just know it gets better as time goes on. I hope you are No Contact. I hope tomorrow you have moments where you laugh and find some joy in being around those who truly love and support you.


phmh posted 11/27/2013 17:05 PM


I'm glad you'll be with family. The support I received was amazing, even from relatives I'd never expect it from. Please let them be there for you.

It's OK to cry, it's OK to feel whatever you feel. Let them be there for you. I promise this doesn't last forever.

I found out in early December, and that first Christmas, I felt like my head was filled with cotton. I still don't know how I got through it. Actually, much of that Christmas was spent making up excuses so I could run into the bedroom I was staying in, check the laptop for SI, and receive encouraging messages from people telling me I'd be OK, even though I didn't believe them at the time. But they were right!

It gets better, I promise. You'll get through this.

Lola7 posted 11/27/2013 17:24 PM

I just have to push through it. I already gave them the heads up that I might not stay too long if I was feeling drained, and I did ask them to tell others in the family so I won't be met with the deer-in-the-headlights type stares. They don't mean to make me feel bad, I'm feeling bad all on my own.

I was just thinking about the Christmas decorations which I normally put up right after Thanksgiving. A lot of those are special; One's we picked up together that signified something to us. I'm trying to decide whether to be "nice" and give him his, or if I should just accidentally drop them down the stairs.

It could happen; I'm very clumsy.

prowoman posted 11/27/2013 17:34 PM

((Lola7)) I'm going to dinner without WH but no news to break yet. Sending you strength and good thoughts to get through it. It's new it's fresh healing takes time... this is the beginning of a new a great chapter for you. Surround yourself and embrace the people who will be there to help and support and make you a better person.

sunsetslost posted 11/27/2013 20:25 PM


I'm hurting for you. Let your family take care of you. Support systems are so important during these times. I'm focusing on what I won't miss

Dragging a huge tree into the house. Tree falling down (at least twice ). Picking sap out of my hands for a week. Cleaning up pine needles. Arguing about putting real candles in live garland decorations. Perhaps it was fate: last year when the tree fell we had already hung "our" ornament, a bride and groom with our wedding year. It was shattered.

Hang in there.

Lola7 posted 11/28/2013 07:21 AM

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. I'll be thinking of you guys here, and that helps me get through it.

sunsetslost posted 11/28/2013 08:28 AM

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