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megs56 posted 11/27/2013 19:15 PM

I wrote this last night because I couldn't sleep. I'm not sending it to my WBF, but I thought I would post it on here. It's just what I was thinking about last night when I couldn't sleep and was having a hard night....

YOU

You never considered me when you decided to cheat.
You never considered the damage it would cause.
You never considered the pain it would cause me.
You never thought about the consequences of your actions.
You never thought about how your betrayal would affect me.
You never thought about how your decisions could cause you to lose me.
You never considered the hurt your actions would cause.
You never considered that your actions would break my heart.
You never considered the future.
You never considered us when you decided to cheat.
I could go on and on, but really all it boils down to is that you never considered me or my feelings.

You never considered or thought about any of those things because in the end the only thing that mattered to you was YOU!

And because of that you will never know or understand:

The amount pain you caused me.
What it feel s like to have someone you trust more than anything in the world break that trust.
What it feels like to constantly worry and wonder.
What it feel s like to feel the need to check someone else’s electronics.
What it feels like to be stuck in limbo trying to figure out what the best thing to do is.
You will never understand the kind of hurt and pain I have gone through.
You will never understand how many tears I have cried.
You will never understand how lonely I have felt.
You will never understand how I felt laying on the bathroom floor hysterically crying.
You will never understand how it feels to still love someone who has so deeply hurt and betrayed you.
You will never understand how hard this has been for me.
You will never understand how hurtful it is to have someone tell you that they think you should be over it by now.
You will never understand what it is like to be deeply depressed and in a world in pain all caused by someone else’s selfish actions.
You will never understand what it feels like to have a broken heart like mine and you will never understand how hard it is to put all the broken pieces back together.

[This message edited by megs56 at 7:16 PM, November 27th (Wednesday)]

AML04 posted 11/27/2013 19:35 PM

That really is the hardest part for me, he will never understand. God that hurts.

(((megs56)))

megs56 posted 11/27/2013 19:51 PM

Thank you. That's one of the hardest parts for me as well. And yes that hurts so much. I'm sorry you are dealing with this as well.

(((AML04)))

Gr8Lady posted 11/27/2013 21:36 PM

This brought tears to my eyes.

Isn't it amazing that another BS ( that you never meet ) can feel your pain, yet the WS (that should know you intimately) doesn't understand.

Powerful statement!

Hugs

megs56 posted 11/27/2013 22:07 PM

I never really thought of that, but it's so true and it really is amazing. Such a powerful statement.

Thank you Gr8Lady! Hugs!!

NoAnswers37 posted 11/28/2013 05:39 AM

(((Megs)))

megs56 posted 11/29/2013 15:11 PM

(((NoAnswers))) :)

Gotmegood posted 11/29/2013 19:47 PM

Thank you for sharing that which kept you from sleeping last night. I feel you. Wonder why you have decided not to give it to HIM? Does he belittle your feelings? So sorry you couldn't sleep...I've been there intermittently for weeks.

Pawpatch posted 11/29/2013 19:57 PM

I knew during the 13 years I was with H that everything was about him. Whether it was what to buy, what color to paint, where to go, what temp to have the heat on, what TV show to watch etc. it was always his self centered ways. When it came to the A it was no different. I asked him if he gave any thought to how hurt I would be to which he replied "I wasn't happy". I told him how hurt I was, he saw some of my tears. I never told him how many times I felt sick to my stomach over his cheating, or how I had to go on anxiety medication. I felt all the things you wrote and still do. It's only been 3 months since I told him to leave our home. I know I will never tell him again what he did to me. I will survive. I never want to see or speak with him again but if I do he will only see that I'm happy being back to me.

megs56 posted 11/30/2013 16:35 PM

Thank you for your post Gotmegood. I guess I just never had the intention of giving it to my WBF when I wrote it. I wrote it for myself. I have thought about giving it to him recently though, but I am not sure how helpful it would be. I have already said a lot of those things to him. But I will think about it and maybe give it to him. He does not belittle my feelings. And he no longer thinks I should "just get over it". At least he understand how hard this is for me now and that it will take a long time for me to feel better.

I am sorry that you are having trouble sleeping as well. I hope that gets better for both of us soon!

megs56 posted 11/30/2013 16:37 PM

Thank you for your post Pawpatch. You sound very strong. I am sorry that you had to deal with someone like that and you had so much hurt, but you are right, you will survive. I will survive as well. And I am so happy that you will never have to deal with your ex again and that you know you will be happier without him.

(((Pawpatch)))

megs56 posted 12/2/2013 18:57 PM

Gotmegood - now I am starting to think I should give it to him. I mean - what can it hurt? I did read it in IC and that was helpful, but I think he should see my pain in writing.

Any thoughts on me giving this to my WBF?

surviving1963 posted 12/2/2013 19:04 PM

You put so perfectly into words what a BS feels. It is so hard- so unfair. I don't know if they ever feel it. Some justice would really be nice.

I told my WH whore that I wish they could both feel that pain they have caused me. She said she would NEVER wish pain on someone else. What?! Deep as a mud puddle.

Give him the list.

megs56 posted 12/2/2013 19:45 PM

Thank you for your reply surviving. It is very hard and extremely unfair. :( I don't think a WS could ever really understand how much pain they have caused.

That is so horrible!! Her actions caused you pain!! I don't understand some people.

I definitely think I am going to give it to my WBF now.