The dissolution hearing lasted maybe two minutes. I felt no sadness, just incredible relief that I have secured my financial future and that I am no longer married to this lying, fake apology for a man.
He moved out with a bag this morning after I had stayed at a hotel for 2 days and my attorney made the situation very clear to him. All his stuff is here, he has 30 days to get it out.
I endured 50 days of in-house separation with the support of you people. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This place is really special.
(((Skan))) (((TripleTrouble)))
It does end. There were times when I thought it never would.
Now I am here with my two children. DD6 is irritable and out of sorts. The idiot came over to talk with me to her this afternoon. (By the way, he walked straight in and through my bedroom to my ensuite bathroom even though there is a guest bathroom off the hallway.)
We explained the situation, she didn't want to talk. She knows something is wrong and has done for a long time. She didn't want to talk to him on his own when he suggested that.
Then he had a total meltdown at the door on the way out. I asked him what time he wanted to take DD6 to his family tomorrow.
He gave me the death glare. "Whenever."
I repeated the question very calmly.
He exploded. "Just say what time you want. Everything is your way."
So I said, "How about 2pm?"
He stormed outside. Then he started ranting about my good friend who told me yesterday that he once made a pass at her. Honestly it was on the level of 'aliens are sending sound waves at me': my friend is, according to him, actually conspiring against me, she is not my friend, she will call CPS and try and take DD6. She has been saying things about him to DD6. Then he said DD6 could never see her again.
I know she hasn't said a word.
The anger was red hot. Wow. Then he left.
After that, we had a lovely meal, made a fire, watched TV, my son has some friends over. The whole atmosphere is lighter. I have a new energy. It is so nice without him here! I know I need to grieve but right now all I feel is freedom.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
I still remember how relaxed we all felt after the Dooosh left. Like a big black cloud was finally removed.
Yes! I once referred to him in an email to a friend as the "Human Black Cloud" and the name stuck in my head. He has been this brooding, toxic presence for so long. Like chronic toothache, you don't realize how bad it is until it's gone.
Congratulations on your freedom!
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön
(((hugs))) Enjoy the evening with the kids and have a wonderful morning tomorrow.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I will get the locks done Friday.
LIB, I could never understand why people said that the wayward hurts themselves the most. But now I am beginning to get it. He has lost so much self-respect. He really has disappointed so many people and himself. He is now alone, more broken than he was before.
I am not perfect but I did give 100% to try to reconcile and I was loyal to him all the way. He cannot say either of those two things.
Now I feel safe, there is more room for me to let go of my anger.
Once they realise they can no longer control us the displays are quite shocking.
I, like you, look back in wonder at how I tolerated this shit for so long.
Farewell eggshells, farewell joy sucker, farewell moods, farewell tension, farewell drama.
I remember when I noticed my breathing had changed. I had been shallow-breathing for almost a decade. I didn't even notice - I DID notice when it stopped. It was a few days after moving into my own place, away from him.
The frog boiled slowly is no longer being boiled. Hallelujah!
He spent the night at some cheap hotel. That is where his behavior took him.
And he blames me for his situation.
Wow, he showed me a tantrum yesterday. In a way it helps: it shows me how far in the fog he is and how fruitless it was to try to reconcile with someone who has the emotional age of a toddler. I'm just going to stay calm, set boundaries, get the house secured.
It's real consequence time and he is finally feeling it. All that angst before about my pain was just fake. His real emotion is reserved for himself.
SBB, last night I noticed a new energy. I was no longer moving like a zombie. I am reclaiming my home!
I'm stunned that he doesn't have anywhere to go. Poor planning for sure.
Williesmom, there is some backstory to that.
Ex found a house when we agreed the separation agreement. Lets call it house 1. That was two months ago. Signed a contract, paid a deposit. People were living there so it was livable if tired. It did need work but would only have needed new paint and carpet on move-in. Then he could have updated the rest bit by bit.
Then another house, a foreclosure, came on. Same size, same neighborhood, but a "better" street. So he drops house 1, loses his deposit and spends the next six weeks messing around with the bank buying house 2. Closes last week.
House 2 is a wreck, empty for a long time, basement covered in mold, septic not working (!), a total rehab needed. He is a contractor but the point is he can't live there right now, and he went over his budget - hence coming to me asking for more money.
Now it is poor me, I'm broke. Well yes, thanks to his ego. He wanted the upmarket street. House 1 was in a perfectly nice road btw. He would have been far better off buying house 1. But he just went for what he wanted with zero thought to the consequences. That is is whole life.
I spent our entire marriage talking sense into him and holding him back from numerous financial mistakes. Of course, he resented it for me and had his tantrum affairs. Well now he's free to run his life exactly how he likes which is why he woke up in a cheap hotel this morning.
