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jemimapd posted 11/27/2013 21:05 PM

It's over.
He's out.
The backlash has begun.

The dissolution hearing lasted maybe two minutes. I felt no sadness, just incredible relief that I have secured my financial future and that I am no longer married to this lying, fake apology for a man.

He moved out with a bag this morning after I had stayed at a hotel for 2 days and my attorney made the situation very clear to him. All his stuff is here, he has 30 days to get it out.

I endured 50 days of in-house separation with the support of you people. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This place is really special.

(((Skan)))
(((TripleTrouble)))

It does end. There were times when I thought it never would.

Now I am here with my two children. DD6 is irritable and out of sorts. The idiot came over to talk with me to her this afternoon. (By the way, he walked straight in and through my bedroom to my ensuite bathroom even though there is a guest bathroom off the hallway.)

We explained the situation, she didn't want to talk. She knows something is wrong and has done for a long time. She didn't want to talk to him on his own when he suggested that.

Then he had a total meltdown at the door on the way out. I asked him what time he wanted to take DD6 to his family tomorrow.

He gave me the death glare. "Whenever."

I repeated the question very calmly.

He exploded. "Just say what time you want. Everything is your way."

So I said, "How about 2pm?"

He stormed outside. Then he started ranting about my good friend who told me yesterday that he once made a pass at her. Honestly it was on the level of 'aliens are sending sound waves at me': my friend is, according to him, actually conspiring against me, she is not my friend, she will call CPS and try and take DD6. She has been saying things about him to DD6. Then he said DD6 could never see her again.

I know she hasn't said a word.

The anger was red hot. Wow. Then he left.

After that, we had a lovely meal, made a fire, watched TV, my son has some friends over. The whole atmosphere is lighter. I have a new energy. It is so nice without him here! I know I need to grieve but right now all I feel is freedom.

IrishLass518 posted 11/27/2013 21:10 PM

So happy for you. Let the healing begin for you and your babies

tryingagain74 posted 11/27/2013 21:10 PM

Yay! So happy for you! Enjoy a Thanksgiving where the only turkey you'll be dealing with is the one you'll serve with stuffing!

HurtsButImOK posted 11/27/2013 21:12 PM

So very relieved for you that the dissolution went through. ((Hugs)) for the mourning that may follow as you find your new normal.

PurpleRose posted 11/27/2013 21:15 PM

So happy this part is over for you! Enjoy your calm home! I still remember how relaxed we all felt after the Dooosh left. Like a big black cloud was finally removed.

jemimapd posted 11/27/2013 21:29 PM

I still remember how relaxed we all felt after the Dooosh left. Like a big black cloud was finally removed.

Yes! I once referred to him in an email to a friend as the "Human Black Cloud" and the name stuck in my head. He has been this brooding, toxic presence for so long. Like chronic toothache, you don't realize how bad it is until it's gone.

nowiknow23 posted 11/27/2013 21:32 PM

New. Locks. ASAP.

Congratulations on your freedom!

Skan posted 11/27/2013 21:35 PM

I'm so happy that he's gone. Please do tell me that you have a way to lock him out, block him out of the house until you can get all of the locks changed! And I would also send him an email, so you have it on record, that he is NOT to set food inside the house unless YOU, not your children, specifically go to the door and invite him in. You need to cut that behavior off right now he doesn't get to come and go at will into YOUR house.

(((hugs))) Enjoy the evening with the kids and have a wonderful morning tomorrow.

jemimapd posted 11/27/2013 21:39 PM

What I need to do is reset the garage door opener, that's how he comes and goes. I've already Googled it, doesn't look hard.

I will get the locks done Friday.

LifeIsBroken posted 11/27/2013 21:41 PM

Good for you, Jemima ! Peace on Earth for you and your kiddos. Look forward and know you can move forward with grace and dignity, that you didn't give up as easily has did he.

Gr8Lady posted 11/27/2013 21:49 PM

Congratulations. Have a blessed Thanksgiving.

jemimapd posted 11/27/2013 21:53 PM

Thank you

LIB, I could never understand why people said that the wayward hurts themselves the most. But now I am beginning to get it. He has lost so much self-respect. He really has disappointed so many people and himself. He is now alone, more broken than he was before.

I am not perfect but I did give 100% to try to reconcile and I was loyal to him all the way. He cannot say either of those two things.

Now I feel safe, there is more room for me to let go of my anger.

Lola7 posted 11/27/2013 23:11 PM

Yeah for divorce and the removal of your black cloud, I'm so happy for you ! I cannot wait to be rid of my husband. It's going to be such a relief!

dmari posted 11/28/2013 01:04 AM

This was a lovely post to read on Thanksgiving Eve. I'm relieved to hear that you stayed at the hotel for a couple of days and that you stayed safe. Continue to be alert and start to heal, rebuild and move forward. I am so happy for you (and a tiny bit jealous )!!

Tripletrouble posted 11/28/2013 06:46 AM

Oh this is great news!! So happy you and your kids can live with peace now, and finally truly start healing. (((JPD)))

SBB posted 11/28/2013 07:03 AM

50 days of in-house S - the rest is going to feel like a cakewalk.

Once they realise they can no longer control us the displays are quite shocking.

I, like you, look back in wonder at how I tolerated this shit for so long.

Farewell eggshells, farewell joy sucker, farewell moods, farewell tension, farewell drama.

I remember when I noticed my breathing had changed. I had been shallow-breathing for almost a decade. I didn't even notice - I DID notice when it stopped. It was a few days after moving into my own place, away from him.

The frog boiled slowly is no longer being boiled. Hallelujah!

jemimapd posted 11/28/2013 07:13 AM

I woke up this morning and relief flooded me that he was gone.

He spent the night at some cheap hotel. That is where his behavior took him.

And he blames me for his situation.

Wow, he showed me a tantrum yesterday. In a way it helps: it shows me how far in the fog he is and how fruitless it was to try to reconcile with someone who has the emotional age of a toddler. I'm just going to stay calm, set boundaries, get the house secured.

It's real consequence time and he is finally feeling it. All that angst before about my pain was just fake. His real emotion is reserved for himself.

SBB, last night I noticed a new energy. I was no longer moving like a zombie. I am reclaiming my home!

Williesmom posted 11/28/2013 07:34 AM

Awesome post. I'm stunned that he doesn't have anywhere to go. Poor planning for sure.

IrishLass518 posted 11/28/2013 09:47 AM

So glad to hear that you are adjusting to your new freedom well Enjoy your holidays

jemimapd posted 11/28/2013 14:09 PM

I'm stunned that he doesn't have anywhere to go. Poor planning for sure.

Williesmom, there is some backstory to that.

Ex found a house when we agreed the separation agreement. Lets call it house 1. That was two months ago. Signed a contract, paid a deposit. People were living there so it was livable if tired. It did need work but would only have needed new paint and carpet on move-in. Then he could have updated the rest bit by bit.

Then another house, a foreclosure, came on. Same size, same neighborhood, but a "better" street. So he drops house 1, loses his deposit and spends the next six weeks messing around with the bank buying house 2. Closes last week.

House 2 is a wreck, empty for a long time, basement covered in mold, septic not working (!), a total rehab needed. He is a contractor but the point is he can't live there right now, and he went over his budget - hence coming to me asking for more money.

Now it is poor me, I'm broke. Well yes, thanks to his ego. He wanted the upmarket street. House 1 was in a perfectly nice road btw. He would have been far better off buying house 1. But he just went for what he wanted with zero thought to the consequences. That is is whole life.

I spent our entire marriage talking sense into him and holding him back from numerous financial mistakes. Of course, he resented it for me and had his tantrum affairs. Well now he's free to run his life exactly how he likes which is why he woke up in a cheap hotel this morning.