She called my a P*%%y for running away and not dealing with this. She also said to give her months so she can find another guy and she will forget about me.
Does this stuff ever stop? I know I hurt her with having an EA, I'm trying to understand it more.
The biggest mistake you can make is running away. When you do this, you reject and abandon her all over again. I get it, it's tough to be there in the room with an emotional person, but THESE ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR CHOICES. She didn't do this to herself.
Read the book, "How To Help Your Spouse Heal From an Affair."
Short, sweet and direct.
[This message edited by scaredyKat at 8:51 AM, November 28th (Thursday)]
I think the name calling is a normal reaction to an extent and we have to let them get it out and deal with their anger and hurt.
Hang in there
I know it can kill the soul when its been said to you, and you will internalize it, it can break you if you let, don't use it, learn from it, make it so you never ACT or BE that person again. Your actions your cheating are the words she calls you, but they do not have to define you.
Best of luck today.
Quick tips. Dont get defensive. When the anger comes out, dont smile even if its hilarious. Dont walk out. Ever. Dont dictate. Unless it gets physical, continue to express your commitment. And for gods sake be 100% truthful and honest. BS's have a lie detector that will eat you alive. Even a half truth will cost you months of spinning backward.
Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013
This betrayal is crazymaking.
Keep in mind that there is a distinct difference between whether it is ever appropriate to call someone hurtful names (No) and understanding why it is happening right now.
Imagine pain and humiliation physically manifesting itself as hot lava that is jogging through your BS's veins right now. It takes time to cool.
Something that helps is having more compassion for the BS than pity for yourself. Check the ratio, and try to be her rock right now as she scrambles for solid ground. It will pay off when she is able to receive a hug from you again in months, and can look at her own behavior objectively again. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. COMPASSION. TIME. This will make it stop, when she's ready.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:51 PM, November 28th (Thursday)]
“I can see the sun, but even if I cannot see the sun, I know that it exists. And to know that the sun is there - that is living.” - Dostoyevsky
betrayal is crazymaking
This is more true than most of us can believe until we have gone through this.
Each of us BS's bring our own baggage to this event.
Each of us are hurt in our own unique way.
Name calling is a form of abuse, and abuse begets abuse. The affair is abuse, the name calling is abuse, neither are constructive.
However, many of us, after being devastated by the disclosures, are just f'ing crazy at times.
I think, that when the crazyhead stops, the name calling can stop, if it is happening. Better if it never starts.