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Holidays suck

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lisaloo posted 11/28/2013 17:41 PM

So let's just ignore the fact that today sucked...It was weird and awkward and I (and DD) very much felt the absence of asshat (WH). And even though we were with my parents and my brother, it just sucked, because their pity was palpable...I started drinking wine about 20 minutes before noon.

The wine helped some

Around 2:30, asshat sends me a text that says "Happy Thanksgiving. Please tell DD I love her and miss her."

Um...Eff you. It's not my effing job to deliver messages to your daughter. It's YOUR job to maintain that relationship. I will work with your sorry self for DD's sake, but I'm not doing the leg work for you. Be an effing man and pick up the phone and CALL YOUR DAUGHTER! I mean seriously?? You cant even be bothered to CALL your own kid. Happy freaking Thanksgiving indeed you turd.

Ugh...where's the wine?

careerlady posted 11/28/2013 18:10 PM


It's an awful time to be in the beginning of divorce. This too shall pass and next year will be happier cause we have a whole year to turn things for the better!

nowiknow23 posted 11/28/2013 18:15 PM


lisaloo posted 11/28/2013 18:40 PM

Ugh...I caved...I texted back. Told him that if he wanted to maintain a relationship with his daughter then HE needed to do it, because I am DONE telling her to call him.

Also, WH mentioned to DD on the phone that he was somewhere he could ONLY be if his family members know what is going on...two days ago he said that NO ONE in his family knew, and he wasnt going to tell them, because he didnt want to "repeat the same mistakes."


jemimapd posted 11/28/2013 18:53 PM

I'm sorry. Big hugs. The holidays do magnify everything.

You say that you felt the absence of WH. But in his affairs, he has been absent for a long time. Part of the process is coming to terms with the truth. Unfortunately, that may mean lowering expectations of what the wayward will do as a parent.

In my case, we didn't really feel ex's absence because he has been emotionally absent for so long. I could hardly ever get him to do anything as a family. I did most things alone with DD. He came over in the afternoon, took her to his family and was back less than 3 hours later.

You will be OK.

tara1110 posted 11/28/2013 19:15 PM

I can totally relate... After my dday there were so many events we used to celebrate together... His bday on 9/7; our anniversary ( from when we started dating) 9/29; my son's bday on 11/1; my bday on 11/10 and now thanksgiving... Then comessage Christmas.. etc. It never got easier for me... They all sucked... I'm sorry i'm venting too... You're not alone... My WH is such a dick I just wish I could wake up and not have feelings for him anymore...


lisaloo posted 11/28/2013 19:16 PM

I know I WILL be ok eventually...but right now I need to get a handle on my anger and emotions, because WH has NO emotions, and I am going to make myself look like a bitch to whatever judge ends up overseeing this texts are becoming less than pleasant and WH is all overtly polite in his-which of course just pisses me off more, because he was never this polite before. I'm just in a foul mood tonight.

Gemini71 posted 11/28/2013 19:38 PM

I spent Thanksgiving with my family for the first time in a long time. The kids were with STBXH and his family. The hardest part was seeing my sister with her husband and kids, the happy family I used to think I had. For me it wasn't real.

But NEXT year. I will have the kids. The divorce will be final (hopefully). And I will have my happy family, WITHOUT POS STBXH. We will all be better next year.

Thefly559 posted 11/28/2013 19:39 PM

be careful with the text thing I let my anger out with the text sarcasm and she gave the phone to the judge to read aloud in court it is hard in the beginning because the anger is consuming but if I can give you any advice at all it is NO CONTACT at all!!!! please

Lola7 posted 11/28/2013 20:09 PM

I'm right there with you. Me and DD went to a family members' house, and while they were sweet and tried very hard to make it nice and normal, I had a huge weight on my chest. I only welled up with tears once and then they knew that I couldn't handle anymore questions. Who wants some pumpkin pie?!

I know future X is with his family and cares nothing for me, and it's so hard to come to terms with that.

Still, at least we got through it. I've got to believe next year will be better. Thinking of you . . .

soveryweary posted 11/28/2013 20:10 PM

I feel your pain.
I am glad you had your daughter today.
I hope each day gets easier for you.

suckstobeme posted 11/29/2013 05:34 AM

It gets better, I promise you that. It will always be different, but it will not always be like this first one.

My ex moved out in October of 2010. I honestly don't remember much about that first holiday season. It was like I was outside of myself, watching this sad, heart broken woman sitting around trying to put on a good face but dying on the inside. That first Christmas was at my house - my mother handled everything having to do with dinner. I cried the entire time I spent shopping and wrapping gifts for the kids. Watching the kids unwrap without their father there was almost more than I could handle.

Three years later, there is a world of difference. I'm more present and more in charge of how my holidays go. I don't have lots of family around but have a great group of friends, many of whom spend the holidays with us at my house. This year, I cooked thanksgiving dinner and actually got excited to decorate the house for Christmas. I no longer dread this time of year and, over time, have created a new comfort for us around the holidays.

Be kind to yourself now - this is all very fresh. I minimized or eliminated a lot of what I felt was unnecessary to cut down on the stress and the sadness. I made sure to surround myself with people who love me and were able to help me get through.

It will always be a little strange, I think. Old memories sometimes come back still. But, that now feels like a true past life. It's much farther off in my rear view mirror.

You will get here too. There's no doubt. In the meantime, NC is best. When he asks you to relay a message to your DD, "ok" is the best answer. Among my other favorites that I use on a regular basis, "yep", "sure" and "fine". He's really not worth much more.

Spelljean posted 11/30/2013 19:09 PM

OMG WH sent me a text on Thanksgiving that said nearly the same thing. As though texting just to me covers all bases.

He didn't text or call DD! It pissed me off. I don't need his "holiday cheer" one little bit. He needs to talk to his daughter though. I'm about to say something to him. He's such a child.

In my opinion, even if your kid doesn't reply right away or at all, you keep calling and telling them you love them. I'd be leaving daily "i love you's" on my daughters voicemail if I had no other choice.

He does things like that for a few weeks, then stops. Only when I give him hell for literally anything, does he reach out to her at all. Makes no sense, if I picked a fight over something unrelated, he will start sending DD texts about hanging out together.


ruinedandbroken posted 11/30/2013 19:37 PM

I AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The holidays can KISS MY ASS!

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