I have found the writings and work of Pema Chodron to be very helpful. She writes and speaks of mindfulness, and she's got a lot of free videos on youtube. She writes about calming, and stabilizing the mind. She talks about accepting impermanence, learning to manage emotions (a big one for me lately!). I definitely aspire to her way of thinking; it would do all of use good.
Another book i picked up recently is Turning the Mind into an Ally by Sakyong Mipham. Same general themes.
I was listening to Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder today in the car. It's got some practical tips, very practical tips, for someone in this situation but it totally stressed me out. I would recommend it, but NOT if you're looking for relief yet. If you want to be strategic, you might want it for reference. Amazon has it on Audio now for $3.99, a bargain.
I spent a lot of time looking into, researching, trying to figure my WS out. Nothing, nothing worked really. I just stayed confused. But when I really focus on my own healing, what i like, how i can manage my emotions (NOT repress, but accept "what is" and "let it be" I do A LOT better.
I've got more months under my belt than you do. When i was where you are, well i was still in shock and in fury and I don't think Pema Chodron's stuff would've helped much. But you have kids, so you might have that extra motivation!!!!
Good luck L&P. See you around