SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Especially in relationship to emotional abuse/abandonment and NPD.
Thank you.

For NPD (also explains the emotion abuse & sudden abandonment well):
Narcissistic Lovers
You can read the first couple chapters on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/sitb/0882822837/ref=sib_dp_aw_pt

Thank you <3

I'm reading something called "Living and Loving after betrayal: How to heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity and Chronic Resentment". It's a good journey into your inner values, how to learn/relearn that behaving according to your values is worthwhile (and the awareness that WS hasn't). It's all about you and your healing.

Get a notebook and be prepared to do lots of Exercises. I've found them useful, though I'm not nearly as far as I should be..

In fact, now that S is upon me I'm switching gears. From "After the Affair" which focused on our relationship, to this one, which focuses on myself. And I recommend you do the same. Focus on what you can control.

In a very real sense, my journey has been one of focusing on less and less, more and more intensely. D-Day I was obsessed about OP for a bit. That came and went for a while, but then I decided to only worry about me and my WS. Then our relationship. Since S is coming, I'm choosing to focus on myself.

Hi L&P.
I have found the writings and work of Pema Chodron to be very helpful. She writes and speaks of mindfulness, and she's got a lot of free videos on youtube. She writes about calming, and stabilizing the mind. She talks about accepting impermanence, learning to manage emotions (a big one for me lately!). I definitely aspire to her way of thinking; it would do all of use good.

Another book i picked up recently is Turning the Mind into an Ally by Sakyong Mipham. Same general themes.

I was listening to Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder today in the car. It's got some practical tips, very practical tips, for someone in this situation but it totally stressed me out. I would recommend it, but NOT if you're looking for relief yet. If you want to be strategic, you might want it for reference. Amazon has it on Audio now for $3.99, a bargain.

I spent a lot of time looking into, researching, trying to figure my WS out. Nothing, nothing worked really. I just stayed confused. But when I really focus on my own healing, what i like, how i can manage my emotions (NOT repress, but accept "what is" and "let it be" I do A LOT better.

I've got more months under my belt than you do. When i was where you are, well i was still in shock and in fury and I don't think Pema Chodron's stuff would've helped much. But you have kids, so you might have that extra motivation!!!!

Good luck L&P. See you around
A.