This is just all so raw right now. I've read some of the emails to/from the one he got involved with. The other was a one nighter. From what he tells me, the men pay for everything on that site - membership, hotels obviously, and such. Doesn't that qualify these "women" as prostitutes? And what they write is ridiculous, like they are writing a 50 shades novel.
Anyway, he says he has cut off ties, especially after she looked him up on FB and tried to follow ME on twitter and that he always felt guilty. We are talking about it, but sometimes he'll say we have to stop and I told him that's insensitive. We agreed to set certain times to delve in. I'm okay with that because otherwise, it would be all consuming and I would lose focus on my girls.
I just wanted to say that I'm grateful for this site because it's kept me afloat since I found it last week. And I'm grateful to have a place to come vent and get advice. I'm giving thought to the 180, but I'm having trouble applying it be used we are trying and also because my complete independence is what started our path or unhappiness. I used to refer to him as my third child rather than my partner. One of the few people who know said I practically drew him a map to the A. That kills me because I have to admit its true.
Thank you to all of you. I'm sorry you're here, I'm sad I'm here and I cannot fathom that this is my new reality. I'm trying to remember though that I'm blessed because so many people have been through worse. Praying and sending positive thoughts to everyone here.
Listen. You may have been a total crank. You may have taken your WH for granted, you may have not shown him the respect due to your spouse, you may have left the kids with him every night while you went out with your girlfriends and danced until dawn. You may have been a bad wife, a negligent partner, and an indifferent spouse.
But your WHs affair was a decision that he made. His totally f'ed up choice.
He had choices. He could have confronted you. He could have talked to you. He could have laid down the law and said that things needed to change or he was walking. He had all kinds of choices as to what he could have done to convey the fact that he wasn't happy with his marriage. All of these choices are akin to calling out the termite service when he found that the front porch was rotten.
What he chose to do was to call in a nuclear strike on the house of your marriage, and blow it up into nuclear waste. Now both of you are left standing in radioactive hell, trying to survive long enough to be able to consider if you can decontaminate the land.
It's fine to own your part in the problems in the marriage. But the adultery is all on him. His choice, his decision.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Try to remember..you don't have to decide everything right now, when you're still absorbing what has happened to your life. It's not a race, and even though it's terrifying..you don't need to add pressure to yourself to decide ANYTHING right now.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:49 PM, January 20th (Monday)]
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys