She was in a relationship five weeks after I moved out (that I know of, probably WAY sooner of course). She introduced him to the kids six weeks later, and then broke up with him shortly after that, making a joke to the kids about how this guy wasn't very happy with her anymore. When this introduction happened, I was pissed off because she wasn't following the (admittedly, pretty strict) rules she created. When I brought it up with her, she said she had "forgotten" all about that. I suggested we revise the rules (mostly because I really don't want to meet these arseholes she's banging), and just give each other a heads up whenever we're introducing someone to the boys, so that neither one of us hears about it from the boys; since I have the boys every weekend (when normal people date), that made sense to me. She said that sounds good, and she hopes I will do the same for her.
I don't know when she met Rig Pig, but it was a few weeks ago that she told me he is taking her to Cuba over the Xmas holidays.
I texted 10 tonight just to see what he's up to. He said he was bowling. I asked who he was bowling with, and he said Rig Pig, Mom, and 13. Since I am trying not to give her any ego kibbles (although with her, EVERYTHING is an ego kibble), I just texted back, "Have fun!"
So once again, she has broken the rule. I'm going to say NOTHING about this to her. She isn't worthy of my anger. Of course I'm pissed, but I keep telling myself she's not worth it. Just going to try to release the anger and let her think I don't give a shit.
Would you like another example of how rules don't apply to her? Shortly after she nicely informed me that she was back on birth control pills, I suggested to her that she could get an STD. Her response: "I won't get an STD."
That's right, y'all. STDs are for stupid people who don't know how to dodge the diseased bits of the cocks that are being pounded into them. She is WAY too smart to get an STD! The best part: She is a grade eight teacher, and teaches sex ed to her class!
Stupid fucking twat. Pardon me if I don't want to share my drink with you.
[This message edited by pass at 9:06 PM, November 28th (Thursday)]
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
Ms. Princess spouts those rules off to you b/c she's trying to show to you that she's a good moral person, as in she's not the bad person you think she is.
We all know she is of course and her unwillingness not to fuck with her kids' heads by constantly introducing them to new men proves it. But it's interesting she's attempting to throw this facade up to you.
Pass? She wanted those rules to control YOU, honey. They were never for her to follow, they were to ensure you were kept tied up in pretty little knots, because she knows as well as we do that you are honorable and would... well... honor the agreement. But her? Pssh - she doesn't need to be told what to do.
You are SO well rid of her.
This is it. The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let's see what we're made of, you and I.
― The Doctor
I see her going ballistic when you have a serious relationship...and when she does, you will have the last laugh!
^^^^ yep, this
How'n fuck was I in blind, stupid love with this miserable, controlling, whore for so long?
It's like a buddy said after I told him my full story: She did me a favour by finally pushing me too far. Her cheating was the final straw, and it was the first step to me eventually getting over her.
But it's been a long, hard road - and I'm not near my destination yet. As 10 has been known to ask (repeatedly), "How much longer until we get there?"
But why am I amazed? These asshats didn't follow the simple rules of marriage, why in the hell would they follow complex rules of dating as a single parent?
This isn't a slam on you pass, just out loud thinking and proof that you aren't the only faithful partner out there who still wonders Where am I and how did I get in this handbag?
It's OKAY to be scared.
Being scared means you're about
to do something really, really brave.
Where am I and how did I get in this handbag?
Ha! That sums up my feelings perfectly, Rose! One year + one week ago! I thought I had the perfect family life. I was wrong, of course - even if she hadn't been screwing around - but I do miss that blissful ignorance sometimes.
she wants to have total control over me
Really have to wonder...maybe her approach is simply to peg you into 'being the bigger person' and following these strict yet reasonable rules while she gallivants around town with 'Sancho the Wonder Dude'? Could it be just another form of manipulation, using your integrity against you?
Just a thought.
Until, of course, it wasn't.
Could it be just another form of manipulation, using your integrity against you?
Dude, you nailed it there. This is her specialty. Once I discovered she was a cheating whore, all that did was step up the manipulation. By expressing my displeasure (understatement of the year) I was getting uppity; she felt like she was losing control. I can't imagine why she feels the need to control me now, but so much of what she has done over the last 20 years just defies reason. I need to stop trying to figure her out.
I was living blindly, though, for so long while he screwed his married COW behind my back.
Yep, Rose. My entire marriage is suspect now. I can look back to the first year of marriage (1995/1996) and find suspicious incidents. I was talking to my parents about that, and they were shocked. My mom asked, "But if she were doing that, why would she go ahead and have a family?" Once again, I need to stop trying to figure her out.
NIK said it best:
You are SO well rid of her.
I know this (off and on!). Whenever I try to figure her out, I eventually get around to, "She's just fucked up and broken; you can't expect to understand." It takes me a long time to get there, though. I still keep thinking there must be some way for this to make sense.
I mean, I'm broken too: I have depression, social anxiety, ADHD, epilepsy, sleep apnea (I'm the full package, ladies!) AND I'm recovering from being treated like shit for a couple decades, as well as the trauma of being cheated on. But I'm a good person. I would never treat someone the way she treated me. She took advantage of the love that I gave so freely. Did I mention that she's fucked up and broken?
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
pass, don't agree to follow any more rules from her.
Dude, I'm all about that now. I'm not even going to mention her latest "infraction". That'll just encourage her to dictate a revised rule that she won't follow. I make my own rules now.
Get out and do something fun. Or stay here and get verbally abused by me!!!!!
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
I wouldn't say anything about the bowling incident. I know it's hard, but she doesn't deserve to know she's affecting you. I wouldn't make any more deals/agreements with her either. Obviously, she never has any intention of following them. Just go completely dark on her and don't acknowledge her existence unless it is absolutely necessary in regards to kids. She's selfish and clueless and I hope she gets some kind of itchy, crotch STD!
Get out and do something fun.
My kids are here now. We just finished watching Doctor Who, and eating chips. Life is good for a while.
No need to feel sorry for yourself Pass. Any woman who's been through the hell of being married to a cheater would gladly take a faithful loving man no matter what the baggage.
Thanks, Gem. Here's hoping!
She's selfish and clueless and I hope she gets some kind of itchy, crotch STD!
If you had told me 13 months ago that I'd be wishing for my wife to get a nasty infection "down there", I'd have thought you were crazy. Now? I keep watching the skies for more falling stars to wish on.