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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: Being Returned
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As divorce looms closer and things in life get harder, there is a feeling that I have been returned to my parents by X.

The house I live in that was once home takes many, many resources and is rather...manual in upkeep. So as X pulls further away and now refuses to help in ways previously done, I have to call on other people for things I physically cannot do.

I hate this. It's a feeling of lost pride that is so hard to get back nowadays. Each phone call for help is a set back and another way that I am still trying to stand tall and on my own.

Still I remember the day that X asked for my hand and I'm trying to delete it from memory. I don't think of it often but when I do, it's with an ironic slant in that he gave me back to my father, who I call on a lot lately.

This is also hard because of the personality my father has...just as controlling, so I have to pick and choose to exhaustion the phone calls and explanations that I make.

I cannot wait 'til this feeling of being returned goes away.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 9:19 AM, November 29th (Friday)]

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 10310
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ashland13))) Think about as the opportunity to belong to you; to find what makes you happy & go for it

Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3667 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel that my wxh returned myself to me. It will get better.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9168 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh! I understand completely. Due to financial and mental health issues, DKs and I have moved in with my parents. For me it's not so much 'being returned' to my parents, as I feel like I'm 'regressing back to childhood'.

It's hard, but you will find a new equilibrium. Maybe a future move to an easier to maintain home. Maybe you'll find a cute handyman. Either way, no one should own you. Not your STBXH, and not your parents.

One day
I'm gonna forget your name,
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain. - "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 3391 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♀ 40564
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ashland, I completely relate. I am reaching out to my parents for many things my ex used to help with. It's just another frustrating example of life not turning our how we expected and wanted it at this time. I thought I would be creating my own family, not moving back into my old role with my parents.

But Gemini is so right. We are our own operators, and belong to ourselves. I for one really needed that reminder. I also am trying to remind myself to be thankful that I have family to reach out to at all. Hugs to you all. The holidays are proving to be hard, just like I worried they would.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 39036
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can totally relate. I'm living with my parents. The upside is that I'm spending more time with my immediate family. I haven't lived in the same town as my family in 13 years. Although I came home often, I still had a buffer being a few hours away. Now I'm living in their house. STBX and I shared all holidays, weekends, families...virtually everything with each other for the last 9 years. Now I'm back at home and they all are helping me carve out a new life. I know I won't be living here forever, but it's a little ironic that I'm actually living in their house again.

I just keep thinking I'm gonna look back and say wow that was a really crappy year. Or two. DS and I have a bright future, we just have to get some help right now until we get there.

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 9:22 PM, November 29th (Friday)]

Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 418 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ 40268
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep that head up ! I know the feeling well , I am in this boat with you and have been following your story, you are strong beyond your thoughts . Sometimes we have to take a step back before moving forward. Stay strong. Caio!

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

Posts: 1028 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Topic Posts: 7

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