The house I live in that was once home takes many, many resources and is rather...manual in upkeep. So as X pulls further away and now refuses to help in ways previously done, I have to call on other people for things I physically cannot do.
I hate this. It's a feeling of lost pride that is so hard to get back nowadays. Each phone call for help is a set back and another way that I am still trying to stand tall and on my own.
Still I remember the day that X asked for my hand and I'm trying to delete it from memory. I don't think of it often but when I do, it's with an ironic slant in that he gave me back to my father, who I call on a lot lately.
This is also hard because of the personality my father has...just as controlling, so I have to pick and choose to exhaustion the phone calls and explanations that I make.
I cannot wait 'til this feeling of being returned goes away.
[This message edited by Ashland13 at 9:19 AM, November 29th (Friday)]
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
It's hard, but you will find a new equilibrium. Maybe a future move to an easier to maintain home. Maybe you'll find a cute handyman. Either way, no one should own you. Not your STBXH, and not your parents.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.
But Gemini is so right. We are our own operators, and belong to ourselves. I for one really needed that reminder. I also am trying to remind myself to be thankful that I have family to reach out to at all. Hugs to you all. The holidays are proving to be hard, just like I worried they would.
I just keep thinking I'm gonna look back and say wow that was a really crappy year. Or two. DS and I have a bright future, we just have to get some help right now until we get there.
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 9:22 PM, November 29th (Friday)]