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Not sure how to keep the mama bear claws retracted

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ButterflyGirl posted 11/29/2013 11:17 AM

So I had a great court date on Wednesday for temporary relief. I got child support (garnished) plus retroactive, the schedule I want (EOW), and exclusive use of the house, which he's been living in, and he has to be out by the 18th. The fucker hasn't paid the mortgage for 13 months, so not sure why he's surprised.

We had originally planned for him to take the kids Wednsday night after court and keep them for the first half of Thanksgiving, giving them back to me at 5 p.m.

So in the 24 fucking hours he has them, what does he do? Blames the hell out of me, tells them how horrible I am, tells them I'm trying to take them away from him, AND TELLS MY SIX-YEAR-OLD HE WILL NOW BE LIVING IN A TENT.

This guy knows NOTHING about parenting. You don't tell a kid that shit! That is NOT my CHILD'S stress to bear.

And his stupid fucking whore bragged to me a couple months ago how she has a 5-bedroom house and no roommates. Where he lives is NOT my problem, other than ensuring it's safe for the kids, but what the fuck is he so worried about?? Go live with your fucking whore you asshole! And STOP telling the kids everything and trying to get them to feel sorry for you and getting them mad at me and stressing them out!!

I don't want their father to abandon them. I don't want them to never see him. I just want him to be a good fucking dad!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

betrayedfriend posted 11/29/2013 11:59 AM

Wow! You need to take that to your lawyer immediately! Have them send him a cease and desist letter, that's parental alienation and incredibly stressful for your kids. Do you have them in counseling? If not please get them in counseling ASAP.

PurpleRose posted 11/29/2013 12:08 PM

Holy hell he is an idiot!! I had it in my temp orders that he could not disparage me in front of the kids. (Went both ways, but hello.. I'm not the one doing horrible things and needing to "get the kids on my side" you know?)

No way would that fly here. A judge would hand him his ass on a platter.

ButterflyGirl posted 11/29/2013 13:17 PM

Yeah, the kids and I are in counseling. They really are doing surprisingly well. Perfect grades, in gifted, no behavior problems at school..

I guess having them 12 out of 14 days is really helping since I have the majority of time with them, therefore the majority of influence over them, and I provide them with a lot of support and structure. And we are Christians, so I've been trying hard to not just make them follow my rules, but to understand why and give them independence and get them to *want* to follow the rules.

But this is bullshit.. The best evidence I've had of alienation so far is text messages FTFred sent my older son when he had bought him phone. He sent him all kinds of terrible stuff like I'm a bitch, I can't be trusted, to not listen to me, told them "I'm not talking to your mom," "Tell mom XYZ," "Ask mom XYZ," and he told my son that if I want to talk to him, "Tell her to send me a letter."

I took screenshots of all of those, printed them out, and my lawyer and I filed contempt charges, and these were shown to the judge at our first temporary relief hearing a couple months ago, but we got nothing accomplished at that hearing. FuckTard did get a "talking to" from the judge, who told him it was "terrible parenting" and to cut it out. But STBX doesn't respect anyone, his mom, me, his boss, his (former) lawyer, the judge, cops, no one. He just doesn't give a shit. He's the type to do whatever the heck he wants, maybe get caught, and then just take the consequences if he has to, complaining the whole time how it's somehow not his fault.

Sometimes I feel like this is just how cheaters are, they are selfish, they are dickheads, they aren't great parents. But other times I feel like I'm really dealing with a sociopath, an abusive monster with no conscience and serious mental problems.

I've already sent my lawyer an email this morning about it, but I don't know what can be done. I have a whole list of disparaging and alienating things he's done, but it never seems to matter. Like I said, I don't want the kids taken away from him, I just want him to be a good fucking dad!! But maybe he needs supervised visitation till he can stop doing this. I don't know if there's a way to get that, but this shit just has to stop..

Nature_Girl posted 11/29/2013 15:57 PM

This is not a situation for your claws to be retracted. This is a situation for you to be swiping at his fucking head.

Do not let this kind of poison & parental alienation & psychological abuse go unchallenged by you. You need am immediate "emergency" session or two with the child/family counselor. The sooner the better. You need to counter every one of those lies. Your kids may not show it, but he just eviscerated them.

You contact your lawyer immediately & tell him to go for the jugular. This must NEVER fucking happen again. If you can get supervised visits, good. If he can't see the kids at all until he completes a parenting class, better.

My EX engaged in all-out mind fuckery of my kids, and in fact still is. The damage he's done is permanent and will still be coming to the surface for years. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOUR KIDS! My first lawyer didn't do ANYthing about this. Not until I got my 2nd lawyer did things slightly improve. Even with the weight of this impressive lawyer (frequent GAL, judge pro temp, superlawyer status), EX still fucked with the kids because that was how he was going to win. But at least with my 2nd lawyer we could document my attempts to protect the children.

Remember, with a narc their ONLY fucking goal is to win, which means to hurt YOU. They do not view people as human. They do not recognize humanity. They do not recognize that they are fucking their children over because they don't "see" the humanity inside their children. Children are ONLY tools. A means to an end.

You keep those claws out, Mama. You sharpen those suckers & paint them bright red.


That's enough links for now, but trust me, I have many more. I also want to add that for narcissists, the one thing they cannot abide is "narcissistic injury". When he was publicly spanked on Wednesday, he suffered a terrible narc injury. All narcs have to retaliate. There is no such thing as learning a lesson, self-reflection, humility, "getting it", deep thought. That doesn't happen. Their only thought is to punish, humiliate & destroy. Again, they don't see children as living souls. Children are only tools to be used to destroy their target.

A guy on YouTube, Sam Vaknin, has some eye-opening videos. Check him out.

There is no co-parenting with a narc. They do not learn. There is no parallel parenting with a narc. There is only re-parenting.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 4:09 PM, November 29th (Friday)]

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