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Am I second string?

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Yakamishi posted 11/29/2013 14:10 PM

Forgive yet another post from my insecure mind. Does anyone else feel like they are just a replacement for the AP?

WW would tell me how she loved the attention and excitement of the A. Our marriage has certainly changed and we are arguably doing very well. The times we share together are terrific. But lately I can't help feel that I'm only giving WW what she got from the A.m.

I know its sounds messed up. But I feel like a second string quarter back that only got put into the game because the starter got injured.

eachdayisvictory posted 11/29/2013 16:48 PM

I hear ya. It's not true though. We are the first string, the APs are not even on the roster. They are the 'underground' players. They are nothing in your M from here on out. Impossible to believe, but the fact that I have to keep repeating in order to move forward. The AP needs to get out of our marriages, including those of us who keep them here by remaining focused on them and comparisons. Trust me, I often am the one who brings her back in. The thing is, I want to limit it, but I don't fear it anymore. If my H wakes up tomorrow and says, 'nope, that's real love, I'm leaving', I will help him pack his bags. I would know that after 10 months of work, reflection, de-fogging, growth and communication, we would not share the same belief in love, relationships or family, and I would walk away with my head held high. I sometimes push this subject too far and am almost trying to provoke this response from him so that I know I am not being a fool in this relationship. When I feel good, I start to fear that I'm being nave or accepting too much shit from my fWH by even staying here. Then we talk it out, I talk to my IC, and I calm down. I put the AP down and keep walking down the road of my marriage without her, and goddamit that feels better!

Yakamishi posted 11/29/2013 17:38 PM

I would know that after 10 months of work, reflection, de-fogging, growth and communication, we would not share the same belief in love, relationships or family, and I would walk away with my head held high. I sometimes push this subject too far and am almost trying to provoke this response from him so that I know I am not being a fool in this relationship. When I feel good, I start to fear that I'm being nave or accepting too much shit from my fWH by even staying here. Then we talk it out, I talk to my IC, and I calm down. I put the AP down and keep walking down the road of my marriage without her, and goddamit that feels better!

Exactly!^

BaxtersBFF posted 11/30/2013 10:50 AM

From a WH...there is no real replacement for the AP, and there shouldn't be. The AP allows the WS to live in la-la land and also is complicit in destroying M and lives. The AP enables the WS to run from their own problems and continue to live a life of lies.

The BS represents a life of truth.

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