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WH was crying

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SusanR posted 11/29/2013 15:59 PM

I went to my brother's house for Thanksgiving yesterday. First time in 20 years, not my MILs. my daughter and granddaughter went with WH for a visit but asked to be dropped off at my brother's house for the meal.

My daughter says WH was crying in the car. He didn't say why but I'm pretty sure that the reality that his A cost him more than just our marriage and affected far more people than just him and me was a little rough.

I started to feel sorry for him but then brought up all my "mind movies" to stir up my anger again.

It's actually so sad because I know he was remorseful after DDAY1 and DDAY2, when our family was still intact, he just couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

Now he has to live with the consequences that are over and above losing his wife.

sleepless34 posted 11/29/2013 16:26 PM

They just don't get it, do they?

Somehow they think this is just about their relationship with you, and that the kids, the extended family, the friends, that it doesn't make a difference. They can't accept it, it would make them feel too guilty. Denial usually works better for them.

Consequences are rough, and I am glad he was crying! FTG!

Skan posted 11/29/2013 16:26 PM

Karma's a bitch, isn't it, when all of the carrion birds come home to roost. Actions, meet consequences.

Do not feel sorry for him for one instant. He made his decision, he chose to walk this path, and he could choose to do better. He hasn't. His lesson to learn, nothing to do with you. (((hugs)))

Williesmom posted 11/29/2013 16:26 PM

Yeah. They can be sorry all day long, but it can never bring back that former life.

See my tag line for additional confirmation.

jemimapd posted 11/29/2013 18:49 PM

I love Williesmom's tag line and in the last few days it has been in my mind a lot.

Mine is now in a cheap hotel, the news is filtering out about our divorce which was finalized last Wednesday, I have been mega classy (even if I say so myself) because I am so happy and relieved to be rid of him.

He has lost his home, family, reputation - and me, his wife, friend, cheerleader, business partner and the person who loved and trusted him 100%.

He had many, many chances to do the right thing, in my case there was an 18-month long affair, on-going when I caught him. Then I gave him nearly a year to reconcile. All I got were lies. And more information about the others. He said the affair was a "mistake".

No, this was the mistake: He didn't believe I was strong enough to divorce him.

And there is still more to lose. The respect of everyone who knows him who has any morals; the chance to be part of a healthy family; his financial security when he blows the money he has left.

Gemini71 posted 11/29/2013 18:53 PM

Aw, poor baby cried once. How many times have you cried over WH's behavior? I bet it's a hell of a lot more than just once. He's just reaping what he has sown.

inconnu posted 11/29/2013 19:07 PM

He didn't say why but I'm pretty sure that the reality that his A cost him more than just our marriage and affected far more people than just him and me was a little rough.

in other words, he was feeling sorry for himself. aw, poor muffin.

Vulcanized posted 11/30/2013 00:19 AM

Fuck him!

Big deal, how many thousands of times did/do you cry? Fucking ass-goblin.

Nature_Girl posted 11/30/2013 00:45 AM

Crying in front of your daughter must stop. It must not happen again. It's emotional abuse. If you cannot tell him yourself, then have your lawyer send a letter.

SBB posted 11/30/2013 04:22 AM

Crying in front of your daughter must stop. It must not happen again. It's emotional abuse. If you cannot tell him yourself, then have your lawyer send a letter.

^^THIS.

Make no mistake - there's no reality here. He's feeling sorry for himself and is desperate for ego kibbles, from you, from your daughter. From anyone. Crocodile tears are the worst.

Remember his eyes as he lied to your face. Looked right into your eyes and lied to you.

It's actually so sad because I know he was remorseful after DDAY1 and DDAY2, when our family was still intact, he just couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

Gently, if he had true remorse you would not have had a DD2. Please read Regret vs Remorse in the healing library.

I had the tears, the suicide talk, the howling at the moon, the chest thumping - the full show. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Read my profile. Nothing had changed but his tactics.

They are sad because they have lost control of us, things have changed and they don't want things to change.

They want a wife/family AND their whores.

That's what you're seeing and feeling empathy for right now.

Redirect your empathy to your daughter. She shouldn't have to be subjected to this emotional abuse.

Snapdragon posted 11/30/2013 12:16 PM

As a 12 year old, I remember my dad crying and being all pitiful. The thing is, I knew that he was the reason my parents were divorcing! He was a cheater for years. My mom got her ducks in a row, went back to school so she was employable, and filed for divorce.

I was disgusted and so incredibly uncomfortable! It is freaky to a kid when their parents cry. This was just untenable as a 12 yr old. What did he want from me? Hugs? Comfort? An "it's ok, Dad"? Ugh...

Don't fall into the trap of feeling any pity for him. Use that energy on others that deserve your efforts and care.

SusanR posted 11/30/2013 22:22 PM

Just so you know....our daughter is 27 years old.

She tells me that she knows WH is trying to make people feel sorry for him and it has worked on some of our friends. Hasn't worked on her though.

If anything, she is more pissed at him than I am. She stays in contact because he is a good Grandpa to our granddaughter.
And he seems to be - most the time.

She told me a story about an outing she had with him recently, however, where he obviously didn't have a plan and expected them to follow him around aimlessly. He was oblivious to their discomfort and didn't communicate with her at all. That is so typically him. I don't miss that part of him at all. He was always self-centered and uncommunicative. Even before he started cheating.

I think he started cheating when I balked at his narcissistic behavior. He wanted someone that thought he was perfect, I think. He wanted a relationship he didn't have to work for.

My fog is lifting. I appreciate the insight I get here.

Nature_Girl posted 11/30/2013 23:18 PM

Okay, that changes things! Thanks for clearing that up.

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