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Survivor9582 (original poster member #41388) posted at 4:23 AM on Saturday, November 30th, 2013
I'm kind of all over the place tonight...asking questions in the divorce forum and here...I just need to know all sides of the story. I would like to reconcile with WS but long story short, he's got a lot of personal issues that he needs to deal with before we can start on us. My therapist says he's not ready and I'm okay with that for now. But how did you start? How did you know when the time was right? How did you find the right therapist or program?
Me:BW-42
Him:WH-40 (EA)
He left when confronted with the EA, refuses to talk about it, but cannot give me answers to my questions because he "doesn't know" anything.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 12:01 PM on Saturday, November 30th, 2013
I think your H starts with IC and starts to work on his issues. With that is full transparency on his part (obviously). IC for you is if you feel you need it, to deal with the crap that this process brings.
As he goes along, you watch his actions (his words are nothing at this point), and work on healing yourself, and at some point (it's different for everybody), you decide if R is what you want.
Don't pressure yourself to label it, just let the process happen.
As far as finding IC/MC, make some phone calls, see if they have experience dealing with infidelity, get a feel for the practitioners. Maybe your current IC can recommend somebody for MC when the time is right.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 4:21 PM on Saturday, November 30th, 2013
He starts by making the realization that he does have issues, but also trusts you enough to be there with him while he is working through those issues. Then, like AN says, work on healing yourself.
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