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Financial/health insurance setback in NB

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gotmylifeback posted 11/30/2013 00:53 AM

My NB relationship has been going great. To the point that we have seriously discussed marriage. I do not make a lot of money at my job but I love what I do and it provides a very flexible schedule. I also get full medical coverage at no extra cost to me. I am still paying spousal support (for about 3 more years) to my ex wife the cheater. So, my income is further hindered.

SO and her wee one are on Medicaid. She works part time so she can be there when the little one gets home from school. Little one has a disability and some significant health problems so she absolutely needs medical insurance.

If we were to get married, they would lose their medicaid because my income would be factored into the equation. To add them onto my insurance is very expensive. I've tried looking into the Obamacare health coverage and it looks like it would still cost us a lot; especially when you factor in the deductibles.

I hate that I am having to still pay spousal support to someone that cheated. She should be paying me for all of the pain and suffering. I have a few friends who are married and they simply do without health insurance. The wee one can't go without insurance. I also would not want any future wife of mine to be uninsured either.

This is all so frustrating. Because of our religious beliefs, we don't want to just live together. But to get married seems like we would be penalized. Overall my NB has been a slow but improving process. Never thought I would end up in a much better relationship with such a bright and happy outlook. But dang it! Why can't I just win the lottery or something. I know money doesn't solve all of life problems but it sure would help my NB.

OK. Vent over.

exhausted lady posted 11/30/2013 01:00 AM

Just wanted to chime in with some hugs - for you and your SO and the wee one. It's amazing how a stupid thing like health insurance can absolutely run our lives. I've been living without insurance since 2008, and I'm not a young woman. It worries me every single day, and it sucks. My butt is hanging in the wind on that issue.

I hope you can find a solution, but's doubtful. You might have to bite the bullet and realize that your higher power might be more understanding of the circumstances than you think. I hope the spousal support to the cheater ends soon!

fireproof posted 11/30/2013 03:12 AM

If you were to get married then you could possibly add her to your coverage- life event. Instead of you it would be you + dependents.

If not you will be married and a partnership so she could find a job with more income and benefits. I know successful people with fabulous well educated and great and happy kids and the parents both work full time. Her child could be either watched afterschool of if not she could work in the evenings at times- I think Starbucks offers benefits part time.

I hope it works out. The support for a cheating spouse makes me . I am sorry but work out the insurance before you get married so you both don't get in a tighter situation.

Good luck!

Amazonia posted 11/30/2013 06:02 AM

What about having a religious ceremony but skipping the legal one? Of course also look into common law marriage laws in your state.

NaiveAgain posted 11/30/2013 11:09 AM

What about having a religious ceremony but skipping the legal one?
That was what I was going to suggest. For me, the religious/spiritual side is more important and when it comes to things like health insurance and taking care of the little ones, you just do what you have to do.

I know older couples that have gotten divorced because one was ill and they were worried about being able to afford the health care. It is disgusting but it is what it is and we just have to do what we have to do. My SO wants to get married at some point in the future but I am not so sure. It depends on whether we can afford to or not. If we don't marry legally though, if we get to that point we will marry in a spiritual ceremony. I will have to wait and see what works best for us to stay healthy....

gotmylifeback posted 11/30/2013 22:52 PM

We have talked about doing just a religious ceremony and skipping the legal one. I'm still debating that as an option. We even though of getting married out of the country too. Our state does not recognize common law marriage but moving to a state that does has also been considered.

I am conflicted. I believe in the institution of marriage. Being cheated on did not change my view on it. I know that a marriage is more than just a piece of paper. Somehow i guess I felt that the piece of paper was important and granted me, my spouse some legal protection. However, it was that piece of paper that has allowed her to get spousal support from me. Have I mentioned how unfair I think that is!?

That piece of paper was a symbol of being married. Just like our wedding rings and marriage vows. However, it apparently did not symbolize the actions of my spouse (at the time). None of that kept her from cheating and I was living in a lie.

I love my SO and am truly committed to her. I guess I am so hell bent on truth and honesty in our relationship that if we don't have a legal ceremony, then we are somehow being dishonest. Even if it is being dishonest to only the government about our relationship. But, why does the government penalize couples that want to get married?

Has anyone else found "creative" ways to deal with this? I had one friend who suggested getting married and then file for separation later. I don't know if the government would combine our incomes if we were legally separated.

fireproof posted 12/1/2013 09:20 AM

I would figure this out before you get married. The ability to do tricks to get married makes me nervous.

She is hopefully ok as is in her current situation- if you decide to marry work it out before. Either she finds a better job or you find an opportunity that covers your family.

This is a skill that will help in your marriage- finding solutions. If you go over too far right or she does neither will be happy years later.

If you can't figure this out then you can save yourself another bigger hurt in the future.

[This message edited by fireproof at 9:21 AM, December 1st (Sunday)]

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