Hey everyone. kind of need someone to talk to about this.
Long story short, I was abroad for two months over the summer and had a ONS with someone, cheating on my boyfriend at home. Though it was a one time thing, and I never saw the man again, we kept in contact for the duration of my time abroad, I guess you could say we had an EA. I never told my boyfriend about it. That was the end of it, until I found the OM on twitter. nothing really happened, most of it was innocent chit chat, with the exception of him making a few suggestive comments about my new picture. Still didn't tell my BBF. Then I wished the OM a happy birthday, he messaged me back and we had a very inappropriate conversation on twitter, which my BBF had discovered, therefore discovering all of my indiscretions.
Major wake up call, I don't want to be that person anymore. Which is why I'm here, wanting to change.
I want to try to fix things; he still loves me and cares about me and WANTS to forgive me, but he is wary and doesn't trust me. I get that 100%. I said I would wait for him to decide. I thought that meant proving to him that I wanted to change, setting certain boundaries, and making a few rules, and above all, talk to each other and communicate.
Well, he has a different plan. He wont decide where he wants this to go until he "doesn't need me anymore" so that he can make a clear decision. I couldn't help but take this as hes waiting until he doesn't love me anymore, to decide what he wants to do, and that just screams failure to me. and in this waiting time, I am to be completely celibate (obviously), if a man hits on me or flirts with me, I am to remove myself from the situation (understandable), and I am not allowed to consume alcohol without my BF present (a little extreme, but understandable as well). everything that falls outside those rules, I am to make a judgement call, and if i choose wrong, all bets are off. Oh, and there is limited contact between me and boyfriend. no spending the night, no hanging out, no talking, and a text once in a while. (at this point, i'm a little relieved, because he has become very mean, though i dont blame him).
I'm totally OK with the rules, but the limited contact really bothers me. I feel that actions build trust, and communication builds trust, but waiting around to a time where he no longer "needs" me, and waiting around to see if I mess up, just seams like i'm defeated from the start. It has made me double think everything I do, everything i say, but I just dont see this going well
Side note- he wasn't completely innocent while I was away; he got in contact with his ex (big NO-NO), and then hung out with her (HUGE NO-NO), and then there was a drunk naked girl in his bed that tried to seduce him. I didn't learn about any of this until after he had confronted me about my sins. How am I supposed to handle this?