"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

WantinHappiness posted 11/30/2013 17:39 PM

We were doing well. I had forgiven him and we were moving towards being happy again. Then, I received a message from her saying she had gotten pregnant but had lost the baby. He had cut off all contact due to us reconciling and wasn't aware. She was upset she had to deal with this on our own& needed to get it off her chest. He doesn't deny sleeping with her but he is adamant that he was always protected. She informed me that they met on facebook,had several conversations,and slept together in his car several times. She claims not to know he was married but knew how to contact me despite the fact that he deleted his facebook page when we decided to try to reconcile. I feel that emotionally I have started the process all over despite having know that he had slept with her. I feel confused. I know that if she had delivered this child I would have divorced him. We were already reconciling from his affair,but for her to have the audacity to reach out to me with this has left me confused. I don't know how to feel or why I feel like I am starting over emotionally. Help please!

WantinHappiness posted 11/30/2013 17:42 PM

I know it sounds as if I am only angry at her,but I am angry at him also. I took out a lot of my anger on him when I first found out,but I didn't place any blame on her. Now that I believe she knew he was married a am angry at her also.

stolendreamz posted 11/30/2013 17:50 PM

(((WIH))) I understand the anger! As for the possible OC, did you consider that she may be lying to draw your FWH back into the A and make you trigger (causing you to distance yourself from your H)? Just a thought. (WIH)

WantinHappiness posted 11/30/2013 18:06 PM

Yes, stolendreamz I have considered that. She did post pictures of the child (it was born too early &died) and pictures of a memorial for the child which I think is a little extreme for a lie.I am trying to put on a happy face but he sees the truth. I don't know why I cant let this go. Idk if b/c previously it was a distant thought...I know he had an affair&had some details,but it was different to see this girl&hear the raunchy details. I don't know if she was expecting sympathy but judging from the details she gave me she was just a nobody.

[This message edited by WantinHappiness at 1:55 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]

HurtButHopeful? posted 11/30/2013 21:58 PM

WantinHappiness, I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a nutcase.

slept together in his car several times

What? They "slept together....in his car....several times?" People sleep together in a clean, comfortable bed. They had *cheap, slutty sex* in his car several times.

post pictures of the child (it was born too early &died) and pictures of a memorial for the child

Where did she post that? Where people could actually see? Some people have no self respect or shame. It is sad her illegitimate child died, I hate when children die, but she should be ashamed she got pregnant from a married man.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and she found a way to get into your life again.

(((((WantinHappiness)))))

MissMouseMo posted 11/30/2013 23:41 PM

Is it just me or is anyone else thinking those photos could have come from another source?

I would not trust it happened to her unless I had outside corroboration - maybe from the funeral home where it was held, with the OW's name attached to the service? A public notice? Friends of friends who could confirm?

IF it did happen, yes, it would be sad I suppose, but I think I could survive that more easily than I could live with years of child support and helping co-parent an OC. I would be relieved at "fate" at the same time as I was coming to terms with the new information, if that makes sense.

BAB61 posted 11/30/2013 23:48 PM

Sounds like the OW is a liar and a cheat. I would doubt the veracity of those pics. Do not have any further contact with her. Ask yourself this, if she could contact you AFTER her supposed child had passed, how could she not have contacted you prior? hmmm ... I have become a very suspicious person since my WH's A ... and this OW sounds like a liar!

If she contacts you again demand some DNA samples to prove her claims.

I agree with stolendreamz, it's a ploy.

fourever posted 12/1/2013 06:58 AM

So, Let us for a moment put this in perspective.

(bad name here) does a married man in a car. Says got pg. says baby died. Says boo hoo, poor me, my (not even a boyfriend) should know, but I didn't tell him, cries to you!. By the way, (bad name here) most likely a psychopath and is just stirring up trouble). Successful.
Wait for it, she will want money next.

If your husband is not bat shit livid, he should be. Goes without saying he brought this home, but that's another post.
See an attorney, sounds like a bunny boiler, and have atty. draft her a no contact or else letter.

Dreamland posted 12/1/2013 12:44 PM

I am sorry this (****) is contacting you. She is t worth your time. Did she contact your husband. Would she not had told him earlier she was pregnant. She was probably not pregnant or it was it might have been from someone else. If WH used condoms maybe that's why she didn't reach out because he would have confronted her that it wasn't his. She's a (****) so it could be anyone's and you have NO responsibility to her or anything in her life. And yes you have every right to be angry at her because she's most likely knew he was married and continued. And yes doing it in a car is not sleeping or make love. It's just being a prostitute behaviour.
My fWH did it in the car too. He said it was awkward and not good. I said well you didn't stop trying and he said well she was willing. Ugh. I hate it..
So if she contacts you again tell her you will post a restraining order on her. And start keeping all correspondence so you can submit it to a lawyer and police dept.
take care :)

authenticnow posted 12/1/2013 13:42 PM

WantinHappiness,

Please review the Reconciliation Forum description. There is no OP namecalling in this forum.

Thank you.

WantinHappiness posted 12/1/2013 13:50 PM

Thank you all for your input. You have helped me tremendously. I know that she knew he was married. It doesn't make since that she didn't know yet she knew how to contact me. I have blocked her from contacting me and if she finds another way she will regret it. I am angry at him because he brought this problem into our home.

HurtButHopeful? posted 12/1/2013 19:36 PM

(((((WantinHappiness)))))

TennisTC posted 12/1/2013 23:21 PM

I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. I definitely agree with what others have said: the OW fabricated this story and the corresponding "proof" or on the very slim chance that she was pregnant she likely had multiple partners during this time so who knows the real father (she was meeting people on FB and having sex in cars)!

Maybe you could look at this as an act of desperation and a clear sign that the OW realizes your WH is no longer under her control? She can't manipulate him anymore to get what she wants so now she is trying to manipulate you (which is so sick and twisted bc she should realize the pain she has already inflicted on you and go away). Stay strong and if the harassment continues take appropriate action to protect you and your family.

(((Hugs)))