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P.T.S.D. and anger

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erzulie posted 11/30/2013 19:58 PM

Hi All!

So, I am doing pretty well these days. I got more info ... including some detail on his physical affairs (yes, plural). I am processing it all, and I think I'm doing it in as healthy a manner as possible.

I have been dreaming about him though - and I wake up so, so, SO very angry. Like, I need to scream and hit things angry. It takes me a while to calm down from the seething feeling. Hard to shake. I'm worried my poor doggies are going to wonder what is wrong with me ...

My Shrink says I have a form of PTSD. I don't trigger all the time, but there are things that cause a "traumatic response" in me. Simple things, like going to the grocery store ... I will be minding my own business, shopping, not even thinking of WH, but then suddenly burst into tears.

Is subconsciously induced anger - that is creeping in my dreams - a part of this PTSD? I want to rid myself of it, just not sure where to start with that. Maybe reading before bed?

I just want to be healthy and whole, and rid of every aspect of his toxicity in my life.

phmh posted 11/30/2013 20:08 PM

For me, what really helped was having a physical outlet and having a creative outlet.

I ran (a lot) and took up painting.

Also, yoga, meditation, and breathing exercises.

But if yours is more severe, you may need additional help. Have you asked your shrink for suggestions on what may help?

IrishLass518 posted 11/30/2013 20:11 PM

Hi erz, I am not sure how to answer this. I had PTSD and adjustment anxiety for awhile and the triggers were maddening. I never knew when, how or where they would pop up and sometimes I didn't even know why. I didn't see your DD listed so I don't know how far out you are, it takes time and I am almost completely trigger free at 2 and a half years out from divorce. The dreams still get me though. I wake up and have to take the time to recognize and sort my emotions. They can sometimes affect me all day. I do journal them and then go back and read what I wrote and see if a few days distance can give me clarity.

Thefly559 posted 11/30/2013 20:47 PM

First of all I am truly sorry. I loved your post because I actually grabbed the I pad to post the same because I wanted to make sure I was not alone. I do the exact same thing. I was in the middle of a biker card game last week and I just started tearing up!!! Not a good place to cry. I cry out of the blue at unpredictable times. The nightmares are constant and they are often , I wake up crying hysterical and sweating. Breathing heavy. I wish I knew how to stop them. I feel your pain , you are not alone. I am already in yoga , gym everyday , reading, boxing. No alcohol. I don't know what else to do to stop them. If you find out please let me know. All the best.

erzulie posted 11/30/2013 20:49 PM

My (2nd) D-Day was September 5, 2013. My first D-Day was January 11, 2004 - yep, almost 10 years ago. That, however, was a minor incident, and something we spent years working on and had reconciled - successfully enough to marry in 2006. "Successfully" was my perception. Ha! What an utter fool I was on that ...

In 2003, he had a brief physical affair with a co-worker. That seems so minor now, compared to the multiple physical affairs he solicited and consummated via over the past several years, maybe even more, who knows for sure ...

So, yes, I guess relatively speaking, it is all fairly fresh. I just hate the idea of having any more of my life robbed by this - more than I've already allowed to be robbed, these past almost 11 years ...

If he gave me an STD like HIV (I won't know for sure until my 2nd follow up in February 2014) - can I sue him? Or maybe just justify killing him?

[This message edited by erzulie at 8:52 PM, November 30th (Saturday)]

IrishLass518 posted 11/30/2013 21:07 PM

Okay, I can say that from the time of my DD to now, I have has to take a sleeping aid in order to avoid the worst of the angry, hurtful dreams. My therapist and my Dr. are ok with my over the counter sleep aid and I only take the recommended dose. Check with your Dr.s and this might be an option. Now my dreams are less frightening and far more insightful.
As far as the STD, check with a lawyer. They will know the particular laws pertaining to this in your State.

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