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Oh bitch, you will never be his mom

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tesla posted 11/30/2013 21:10 PM

Celebrating Teslet's birthday today. Got him a Lego thing that we were putting together. Out of nowhere, Teslet says, "mom, you know stripper whore is going to be kinda like a mom to me. Not like you but like a second mom. Stripper whore told me."
I swear it took every ounce of self control not to lose it...
I told him that she would be the same to him as she has been...that she's marrying daddy. Teslet says, "yeah, stripper whore is getting married she told me she's going to be my step mom"

Uh...fuck you bitch. You will NEVER be his mother. This bitch hangs onto my child like she's a fucking groupie. I'm told she posts more pics of Teslet on Facebook then of her own child. Fuck that bitch and fuck ex-shat for creating a pathetic delusional world where that bitch pretends she's my son's mother.

If they start pushing Teslet to call her mom, I will go fucking crazy. You all know that I'm not worried about her ever replacing me....but I will not allow them to mind fuck my child.
Stupid fucking pieces of shit.

Nature_Girl posted 11/30/2013 21:29 PM

In most states, and in most divorce decrees, it's specifically prohibited for the children to be encouraged to call anyone else any derivative of mother or father.

I want to hurt her. I want to grease her stripper pole & watch her plop on her head.

sunsetslost posted 11/30/2013 21:37 PM

Hell no Tess. Teslet can call the bitch anything except mom or ma. Try to think of an acrymyn. Inside joke for you guys.

PurpleRose posted 11/30/2013 21:42 PM

Oh wow. This would put me over the edge tesla. Over the fucking edge.

I guess I'm lucky that my kids are older and HATE the whore almost as much as her teenaged kids hate the Dooosh. There is no chance for either of them to play "happy family" bullshit in any capacity.

I don't know how you hold it together. Well, I do know actually. Cause that's what us REAL MOMS DO.

tryingagain74 posted 11/30/2013 21:47 PM

Yep-- check your legal agreement. Neither XWH nor I can compel our children to call any other adult figure in their lives "Mom" or "Dad." I know that your ex-shat is several sandwiches short of a picnic, but if he ever pulls that crap, be sure to remind him of what he's violating in whatever section it's listed.

tesla, she is trying so hard to play mommy to Teslet because she's desperate. A self-assured woman who was confident with herself and her relationship wouldn't resort to such tactics. I think that a person can be a step parent without overstepping any boundaries when it comes to the biological parent-child relationship. Step parents who try desperately to bond clearly feel inferior and are trying to win the child's love. One of the great chapters I read in Raising the Kid You Love With the Ex You Hate was on step parents. The author was VERY clear about the role of the step parent: he/she has NO right to assume the role of the biological parent, and any decisions about the child's life are solely the responsibility of the biological parents. If step parents want to give input, it is to be done discreetly with their spouses; there should never be direct involvement with the ex (unless you're one of those rare situations where there isn't acrimony between the exes, and you can actually get along and talk together). I felt vindicated when I read that chapter-- I hate how people can blow up their families, create "insta-families" with the cheating partner and any of his/her kids, and then all of the kids involved are just supposed to behave as though the step parent has stepped into the biological parent's role. I think that's only possible when the biological parent is not on the scene for some reason or is outwardly abusive in some way. Then, a child might view a step parent as a positive force and role model in his/her life.

You handled her stupid comment well. She's so sad. Anyone who has to prove herself on FB for the world to see is all kinds of pathetic. But I totally get why that would get your back up-- I definitely get annoyed when the Owife tries to usurp my role. Teslet will eventually be like my kids as he gets older-- he'll tolerate her and maybe even like her, but he'll start expressing more and more doubt about her character as he gets older.


tara1110 posted 11/30/2013 21:51 PM


I just posted something about OW posting pics of my son on FB. ( under General forums) and your post caught my attention.

This makes me really angry. I don't know what else to say.

IrishLass518 posted 11/30/2013 22:35 PM

I raised xWH's 3 children from his 1st marriage. They are my children, for 17 years I did more of the day to day than either of their biological parents. That being said, I NEVER told or asked them to call me Mom nor was it ever required. I loved them enough to let them decide who I was to them. As long as it wasn't derogatory they could call me what they were comfortable with calling me. This is a totally different situation for you Tesla and Teslet. My point is it never works out when they force or impose themselves on children. It creates resentment and confusion for the child. She has no right to try a d insert herself as a "mom" to a child and she is a super idiot if she thinks this is the way to begin. I think I really hate her for you and Teslet.

Bluebird26 posted 12/1/2013 00:19 AM

Oh I wanna hurt her for your Tesla.

I have had to put the wifestress back in her box a few times. She even referred to my children as hers in a blogger article about her business ventures, I made her retract it

Poor Teslet to have to deal with more games.

SBB posted 12/1/2013 00:33 AM

Fucking piece of shit - trying to get ego kibbles from a 4 year old.

She is trying to get to you Tesla. Don't let her. It is never going to happen.

It is very rare for a child to start using a different name for someone once they get used to calling them a certain name - I assume he calls her by her first name ATM. That won't change.

If they DO start a campaign to have him call her step mum or WTFever then unless there's something in your decree there's not a lot you can do about it other than refuse to use it yourself. You won't go crazy.

You'll deal with it as you have the rest. With aplomb. All they'll succeed in doing is alienating him further.

Maybe he should start calling her daddy given she does most of the care taking at the zoo.

BrighterFuture posted 12/1/2013 03:07 AM

This would drive me crazy. No way would I allow a homewrecker to share my title which I rightfully earned from my children. She is pathetic, sad and crazy. I would give your Ex a stern warning about this. That's just me. I wouldn't let it slide.

[This message edited by BrighterFuture at 3:11 AM, December 1st (Sunday)]

hummingbird8 posted 12/1/2013 03:30 AM

If I recall your ex and OW have a child together also? Once the baby is old enough to speak and calls her mom it is more than likely your son will also start that habit. It doesn't mean you are not his mom, just something that seems to happen when children are young. I'm sure they will never be able to convince you they are not encouraging or forcing it to happen. May I ask if you are in IC? I am very afraid with the amount of hate and interest for your ex and OW from your posts that this is being picked up on by your son.

suckstobeme posted 12/1/2013 07:33 AM

We have a similar timeline. Over these years, i think you have tolerated way more than I ever could and have shown Teslet how to act with grace and dignity in the face of it all. Check your decree for the language regarding "titles". If this ever happens and Teslet ever calls her anything similar to mom, you will handle it and let him know there is only one mom and only one person in his life who will ever get that title.

My kids have expressed concern that if ex ever marries the slunt she will be their step mother. I always tell them that nothing will change from what it is like now - the only difference is that she will just be your fathers wife, not your parent.

I agree that showing the kids animosity and putting them in the middle is not good for them. But, it's also not good to just allow them to live in a world full of delusion, confusion, and zero boundaries simply because they have to spend time with the parent who chose to fuck up their worlds forever. it's our job to enforce the boundaries and make sure they know what's right and what's wrong. It's wrong to call another woman mom when we are here, we take care of them the majority of the time, and we put them before ourselves every day of our lives. It's a monumental wrong and a perpetual slap in the face when the OW gets anything remotely close to that title. It's the reason I went absolutely ape shit when ex wanted to take my kids on vacation with the slunt and her kids over mothers day. I couldn't believe he had the balls to ask. I told him that as long as there is a breath in my body, those children will be with me on mothers day and they will never spend time with someone else's mother - especially that one.

IMO, you're not angry or spiteful. You're protecting the one thing we have left to protect and I don't believe you will ever hurt Teslet in that process.

tesla posted 12/1/2013 08:52 AM

hummingbird, I am not in IC. I do get angry when I feel that I have to keep reacting to their bullshit, even though I am doing everything I can to buffer myself from it. And yet, out of nowhere, I still have to react to a comment Teslet makes. And I have to react in HIS best interest. I get pissed off that everyone else in the situation seems to react in their own self-interest...except me. I keep trying to stay to the high road but it's tough. And yes, I'm sure sometimes that strain comes through and Teslet picks up on it. He tends to get clingier and tell me he loves me.

Where is the line between being legitimately angry about a situation that continues to happen and becoming bitter about it? I don't know. I'm fairly certain I have not crossed that line yet.

Yes, they have a child together and teslet will eventually call SW mom by mistake. He once called me Stripper whore's name by mistake. But I can tell the difference between an honest mistake and adults who are deliberately acting in the own self-interest instead of looking out for a child's best interest. That will always piss me off.

Eventually, I will calm down and check my decree and guidelines for language pertaining to this. Eventually, I will find a good way to talk to Teslet about it. I know that she is trying to convince a 5 year old of her status because she is desperate. And that is incredibly sad. Quite frankly, I've always felt bad for her and felt that she is doing the best with what she's got.

But when these things come up, I need to give my anger a voice and for better or worse, that voice is heard here.

SBB posted 12/1/2013 09:53 AM

But when these things come up, I need to give my anger a voice and for better or worse, that voice is heard here.

This is the right place to do it.

No, you have not crossed that line.

I get it. Vent away mamma.

caregiver9000 posted 12/1/2013 10:42 AM

I agree with SBB. THIS is the place to vent so that the anger and frustration doesn't spill over into "real" conversations.

tesla, I have told you before, I think you are navigating the very tough road with grace and strength.

As for what teslet calls SW, what does he call her now? that will likely continue. Kids have daycare providers and babysitters and they don't fall into calling that person mom. People can genuinely care for and about children without needing to usurp the mom title.

IrishLass518 posted 12/1/2013 11:31 AM

AS far as Teslet calling stripperwhore Mom when the OC starts talking, this has never happened in my experience. Kids know the difference and they will both know who their respective mothers are. Trust me, Teslet did not ask for, need nor want a "replacement mother" over time Teslet will let stripperwhore know just who she is to him and she will never be you.

Gr8Lady posted 12/1/2013 11:51 AM

I SO agree with your frustration . As difficult and outrageous
As it is she is being kind to him? Just imagine the horror he would endure if he was being slighted or left out. It happens all too often that the step child is slighted and ignored in favor of "their own child"
You have demonstrated through the care and concern via your posting Teslet is first and foremost in your life. That is a constant, but from your ex shenanigans what is Teslet observing from him?
As crappy as this situation is, for Teslets sake be grateful she is trying. I say this because I was thrown into step parent situation with my daughter (step daughter actually) in 1978. I ended up being the only stable parent she ever had. Her dad, (serial cheater, irresponsible) was eager to push all parental obligations onto me.
No the bitch will never be his Mom, but for him at least she is attempting to include him.
Hugs to you and Teslet. Truly!

wildbananas posted 12/1/2013 11:54 AM

I feel you, tesla... ex-asshat and his wife have always leaned on the bunch to call her Mom. When I found out, I went pretty postal, especially when the younger ones confessed they went along with it to keep the peace over there. I knew they were in a rough spot and felt bad for them but I handled it badly. I told them if they chose to do that, I couldn't stop them but they were under no cirumstances to do it in front of me or tell me about it because it hurt too much. And boy, did it. The youngest banana slipped once and called her Mom in front of me and it took everything I had to not lose it.

I know you'll handle it a lot better than I did. I should have kept my cool and talked about it calmly so I could have been a safe place for them to vent about it, because they really did hate it. And believe me, I want to go kick their asses for you. What a lousy thing to do to kids. I know they do it to try to play happy families and make themselves feel better about the choices they made but it's still pretty fucked up.

PS: A funny story - the first time new wifey met my oldest girl banana (she was 15 or 16 at the time), she said "Hi! I'm 'Crazy Bitch' but you can call me Mom!" My girl stared her down like a bug and said "Hi, 'Crazy Bitch.' And you AREN'T my mom." Love that girl.

hexed posted 12/1/2013 12:10 PM


you don't sound bitter to me. i'd be pissed as hell if this came up.

My SOs kids weren't quite sure what they wanted to call me originally. I nixed 'mom' right off. No matter what my opinion of her is, she is their mom. I let them call me by a shorter, endearing version of my long first name. It works for us.

Stripper whore will never be mom no matter what she tries to make teslet call her. NEVER. Don't give it too much thought or energy. Teslet will find his comfort level with some term. Kids surprise me like that :-)

nowiknow23 posted 12/1/2013 12:56 PM

(((((tesla))))) I have no words of wisdom that haven't already been covered.

You are an amazing mom. You always have teslet's best interests at heart, and it blows five ways to Sunday that you appear to be the only adult in this equation who does.

Strength to you, honey. This BS isn't for the faint of heart. Thank heavens you are a warrior.

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