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The Infidelity Diet Mach 2

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Nest2007 posted 12/1/2013 05:29 AM

When I JFO, I didn't eat during the day at all. At first I was so consumed with grief that I simply forgot to. Then it became a control thing - eating was the one thing in my newly upside down world that I could control. I'd eat dinner with my H, so he didn't think anything was overly wrong after his confession (wtf??). I didn't want to let go of the control I had.

Now, almost six months later, as we prepare to move to a new city and as I leave behind everything I hold dear, I find myself back in the same cycle. After a MC session last week, we went to get dinner and I realized I hadn't eaten all day. This has been happening for a few weeks now. Perhaps coming to terms with the magnitude of the implications of his infidelity?

Kiddingmyself posted 12/1/2013 06:02 AM

I understand this progression, but I caution you to be very aware of what is happening. All eating disorders start out as a way to control stressors and you can quickly become controlled by the disorder. It's an addiction as powerful as alcoholism or drugs. Do you have an ic? You should discuss this with a professional.

SummerStorm21 posted 12/1/2013 06:02 AM

I'm pregnant so can't relate the same way but if I wasn't I know there would be times that I would cycle back through the numbness and forget about my health.

Hugs to you and I hope for a good transition.

Lostandpregnant posted 12/1/2013 06:33 AM

I'm battling this as well. I'm 20 weeks into a high risk pregnant with twins and have lost 17lbs since he left me 2 weeks ago.
I cant eat. It makes my throat close up..I know it is 100% psychological.
I've been put on special drinks by my midwife to make sure the babies get nourishment..maybe you could try adding a couple protien shakes to your day?
I'm by no means fading away and have a lot of extra weight on me..but I do have a history of eating disorders and I know this is exactly how they can start..I'm trying to fight it..but it's exactly like you said..it's pretty much the only thing that we can actually control when life is chaos.

steadfast1973 posted 12/1/2013 06:37 AM

Yeah... That was the one brightspot after dday. "I'll finally lose that extra 10 pounds!" Nope. Last time I lost 40 pounds. I lost 5. But gained it all back after thanksgiving. can't win for losing...

I actually think it's because almost 5 years ago, I was smoking. I gained all the weight back as soon as I quit smoking.

Lola7 posted 12/1/2013 06:40 AM

Me too - down 20 lbs three weeks into this nightmare. I try to eat fruit, Ensure, water, lunchmeat, a hard-boiled egg when I can stomach it. I told my doctor and she said as long as I stick with protein I should be ok.

I could kick myself for starting smoking again after 4 years. And I know I probably drink too much. I'm just so fucking sad. I'm trying to pull myself out of this. I just know I have a long road ahead of me.

LetMeRollIt posted 12/1/2013 08:52 AM

I lost 20 lbs after a week of only consuming orange juice, and a second week of only ensure. I started working out to make myself eat, and 4 months later I am in the best (physical) shape of my life. Mental health is a whole other story...

[This message edited by LetMeRollIt at 8:24 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]

cantaccept posted 12/1/2013 09:10 AM

I could eat no solid food for about 3 months after dday. Only broth and water. I lost 40 pounds.

I still struggle with food sometimes. It seems to occur when wh is being defensive and we go through a difficult patch.

To date I have lost 70 pounds. I exercise and that is good for my self esteem but it doesn't help with the appetite.

The only adverse effect for me from not eating was my fingernails turned to paper, peeling and splitting. I have focused on protein when I eat so that has finally improved.

I get the control aspect of it. I too began to feel like it was the one thing I had control over but came to the realization that I was only hurting myself.

The healthier option was to eat healthy foods. That is my goal but not always my reality.

It does feel good to be back to my high school weight though. A bit of vanity but what the hell, take it when it comes. Anything that makes me feel a bit more confident at this point in time.

EvacuationRoute posted 12/1/2013 13:15 PM

Nest,

You've posted before about your health. Are you looking after yourself if you don't eat?

I'm sorry that moving is causing you further stress. I really hope that it brings you the fresh start you deserve.

Are there other things on the horizon causing you the stress? Not just moving? Outing the A? Future hospital trips? General parenting stress? Christmas holiday stress?

You don't need any of that. Just focus on looking after yourself. Only when you are feeling forgiveness, calm & peace inside can you start to look after others like your fWH and DD.

Control your need to control. Hugs.

ER

mychild posted 12/1/2013 13:58 PM

I couldn't eat and I'd forget to drink. I lost all the fat I had been wanting to lose for the last 5 years. I looked amazing. I was so happy with my body! Then I gained it back

I hope you can find a medium balance. It's hard when we are so devastated. Maybe start with a favorite food from the past just to keep your brain and emotions level. If you are starving I'm sure you can't balance your emotions as much as if you were eating at least 3 times a day. Good luck.

Nest2007 posted 12/1/2013 16:46 PM


ER

There's a bunch of other stressors: we will be outing the A before we leave, OW has begun targeting my friends and trying to befriend them, my parenting worries are more that I'm doing a bad job due to my continual anxiety about OW and her cruelty, my health in some regards is stablizing yet my health is the excuse we're using for our departure, and moving to a place that I hate with a passion. H is finally coming out of compartmentalization and it's hitting him afresh - he did this to us. Hard to hold myself together when the person who has been my strength in all of this is starting to crumble too.

[This message edited by Nest2007 at 4:50 PM, December 1st (Sunday)]

2Virtuous posted 12/1/2013 19:01 PM

I'm in the same pattern, but will admit to struggling with an eating disorder at age 19/20. It's a struggle every single day, but right now, it IS the one thing you/we feel in control of. It's a destructive pattern that can be far-reaching though :( I've admitted this behavior to my therapist and plan to work through this again. If you feel you're in a place where it's no longer grief suppressing your appetite 24/7 and instead, you're choosing not to eat, then I might suggest talking to someone.

EvacuationRoute posted 12/1/2013 20:11 PM

Nest,

I'm so sorry for your pain. We outed the A and it didn't go so well. I'm still feeling the hurt/guilt from that.

I hope your packing goes smoothly and you find many joys in your new town.

ER

Cabot posted 12/1/2013 20:21 PM

I finally got down to the pant size I thought I never would be finally started eating some again gonig to get back to the gym if I put weight back on I refuse for it to be fat im down 28 lb since D-Day if we do D im going out in the best shape of my life. At least I have control over that.

strad posted 12/2/2013 10:23 AM

Yup, I'm down nearly 20 lbs. since my d day about 2 months ago. I'm normally a good eater with a hearty appetite. Now I have to force myself. Hopefully this will pass, along with the rest of the bull@@@@.

Sammy2013 posted 12/2/2013 10:34 AM

Yep, I'm down 18 lbs since Dday. Lost 14 of it the first week after physical affair confirmation. I am eating a bit more now, but my tummy still rejects things and I'm in the bathroom. And there are many days I will sit down at dinner and be starved only to realize I hadn't eaten anything all day and all I had to drink was many cups of coffee.

I try to remind myself to eat. But a lot of the time my stomach turns over at the thought so I just make myself another cup of coffee. I did eat a lot at my Dad's for Thanksgiving. And if we are with other people I can eat. But at home, with just us, is hard. Hoping to get over that.

TheThreeYearFool posted 12/2/2013 10:56 AM

I'm down 11 pounds from my peak this year. The problem is that my peak was 121. At just under 110 lbs. and just under 5'4" my BMI is at the cusp of underweight.

I feel bony. My pants hang off me. I feel weak when I try to work out and I haven't bothered to resume running.

I hate it, but I can't finish a meal. So much of my appetite is gone. At least now I'm forcing down protein shakes at work even if I'm not hungry.

The weird part is that I used to be such a sweet tooth and crave dessert every single night. I'd get so annoyed if I didn't get dessert!

Now I just don't care. I think the depression has drained away the pleasure I used to take in food.

Nest2007 posted 12/2/2013 15:14 PM

Yesterday I ate a slice of toast, then nothing til a late dinner. It was a graduation function for the youngest students I taught in my last year of teaching. Took what I thought was a small amount of food and struggled to eat even half of it. Have found myself feeling sick to the point of vomiting in the mornings )am certain I'm not pregnant!) so have to find out the cause. Outing the A is causing us both a huge amount of anxiety and my meds aren't cutting it!!

EvacuationRoute posted 12/2/2013 17:18 PM

If outing the A is causing so much stress, why do it? Our outing caused stress and anxiety in the lead up and guilt and remorse after. It was a really bad decision for us. I wish we were wise enough to take the moral high ground and just walk away. Surely moving and changing jobs is enough to think of right now?

I'm really worried you aren't looking after yourself. There's no need to pile on extra layers of worry. Just focus on you and fWH.

ER

Nest2007 posted 12/2/2013 18:11 PM

ER, the problem is (and I'll post in more detail on a new thread later) that the Principal needs to be warned about OW. There are three new young male staff with families joining the school next year, and OW has, it turns out, been boasting about the A and proud of her ongoing attempts to prevent/disrupt my H and I from R. Our school has a code of conduct and the A, of course, breaks it. But her ongoing behaviour is abhorrent, and shows her complete lack of remorse. He needs to be forewarned of what he is dealing with and put steps in place to get rid of her.

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