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Can't sleep-- disgusted

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PhantomLimb posted 12/1/2013 06:04 AM

I seem to be coming out of my fog more and more...

I'm remembering some of the things he said and did on DDay and the words that come to mind are disgusting, pathetic, lame...

I'm so glad I took the advice of those around me and kicked him to the curb, even when I didn't feel it and thought I was still in love...

He's so gross. I know why I loved him and remember feeling that way for him... But when I think about the "him" who came out with this A and the aspects of him that showed he wasn't deserving of that pedestal I had him on over the years.... I'm so lucky I got away.

All I have to say is NC works. I still have set backs and sleepless nights-- but I'm finding myself again.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 6:05 AM, December 1st (Sunday)]

Lostandpregnant posted 12/1/2013 06:39 AM

I hope that your clarity brings you newfound peace even though it's a new range of emotions now for you. ((Hugs))

Thefly559 posted 12/1/2013 06:49 AM

Wow! They are all the same. My stbxww called me crazy , insecure, pathetic, disgusting , not a man , an animal. So much more. Those words creep up at times. The way she said them too! No yelling , no tears , no remorse , almost robotic or possessed. I cried like a baby and she stood emotionless with a blank stare. It was evil.

I am sorry for your pain. I understand Stay strong

PhantomLimb posted 12/1/2013 09:23 AM

((Fly))

I remember thinking he had lost his mind when he said things like that to me. I got the cold, emotionless stare, too. It was just so evil and aggressive.

Being here has shown me that he wasn't special. But I'm still amazed how similar they all are:

Tell the BS a watered down version of the truth, tell them you were incompatible, hand them the ILYBNILWY speech, take the A underground, when the BS 180s or NC you, get insanely cruel and hostile.

Who are these pod people???

NewMom0220 posted 12/1/2013 09:40 AM

PL,

You are my NC hero! I second the sentiment that NC works. The longer I stayed in contact with STBX, the less remorseful (and he was never really remorseful)and more cruel he became. Now he can stew in his own juices for all I care.

There are many nights I can't sleep or when I do I have nightmares. There is that saying that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Some days I say, I'm tough, I can handle this. Silver lining, I'm better off, he did me a favor. Then some days I'm convinced I have PTSD because I can tell my emotions are off or I become anxious about things.

I'm sending you a big thumbs up for staying no contact and also staying off his FB page! Keep that jerk in the dark little cave you put him in the far recesses of your brain!!!!!

Lostandpregnant posted 12/1/2013 09:41 AM

Me too. The name calling whilst staring at you blankly.
No emotion, (other than anger, always). No empathy.

My god, what we have lived through.

SBB posted 12/1/2013 10:01 AM

All I have to say is NC works.

^^It really does. The imagery I've used to describe it like cutting off the grubby tentacles that tied me to him. The better I got at NC the less tentacles there were.

I remember sitting there stunned and in shock in the days/weeks after DD. These days I'm stunned and in shock that I was ever with him, that I ever loved him.

Head scratcher, that one.

For me these bouts of disgust were usually followed by intense rages. It was very difficult to NOT break NC during those rages because I wanted to unleash hell on that fucker. I sometimes had to sit on my hands.

PhantomLimb posted 12/1/2013 10:17 AM

I still have moments where I can't believe he did this to me, that he left me, and I'm overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all.... But the fact that I have moments of disgust too suggests to me that I'm really healing.

I'm actually frustrated with myself when I miss him. I so want to be over this already!

Seeing as it hasn't even been a year since he started the A, I figure I need to be patient with myself.

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