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Lostandpregnant posted 12/1/2013 07:03 AM

No matter how I do the day before, every single morning it's fresh and raw. I wake up and it floods over me. The panic and terror hit so hard, the realization that he's gone, the flashes of the day I found out..the actual knowledge that he's waking up beside..her..it's all too much.
Every.single.morning.
It's torture.

sideblinded posted 12/1/2013 07:19 AM

Lost, I know the feeling that you describe. For me, I call it the wave of dread. There are a few seconds when you first wake up, you're not fully conscious, and there are no thoughts in your head yet. And then your brain kicks into gear, and the realization of where your life is at hits you. And it consumes your completely. Every.Single.Morning. For me it also happens periodically throughout the day. There will be moments when something distracts me briefly, and then it kicks in again. I so know how you feel. But mornings are worst.

Lostandpregnant posted 12/1/2013 07:24 AM

I get it during the day (and night) as well..there are SO many triggers and things that make me think of him/us/our life together.
At first I couldn't even stand to feel the babies kicking because it was so triggering. At least that part is fading.
I hate that I am going through this torture and he's totally fine and happy. It's so messed up.

burntandtorn posted 12/1/2013 08:48 AM

Oh man. Mornings are so hard. I open my eyes and it hits me. There's no way I can lay there and go back to sleep. Getting up seems equally as horrible.

though our situations are extremely different, I feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this.