Today would have been our 6th Anniversary. Not really a milestone. I doubt STBX would even remember.
Last year I was heavily pregnant. A co-worker invited me to a very special evening out that she had an extra ticket for. I asked STBX if I should go..it was on our anniversary. He said sure, go, we can celebrate another night.
On our anniversary I gave him just a card with the understanding we would go to dinner another night. He brushed off the card. Brushed off making plans of any sort. He was already deep in his A. Was probably on the phone with OW when I went to the garage to give him the card. Was definitely on the phone with her all night while I was out at the event. I was so focused on being pregnant and getting ready for the baby that I didn't even notice how little he cared about anything else.
On DDay (10 days after giving birth to our son) he read me a list of reasons he was unhappy with me as a wife, going to the event on our anniversary was on that list. Amongst many other stupid reasons he cheated on me. Nothing on that list was about him. I just wasn't good enough to love anymore. I never made him lasagna. Sex was stale and I was only capable of doing it in 2 positions (I was pregnant with a 10lb baby when he had his affair).
I'm going on a 4 mile walk with DS now to get out of my parents' house for a bit. I have work to do when I get back. This is my little pity party for the day.
I hope in the future I meet a good man, maybe one with a child(ren) of his own. Someone who believes in the vows they take and believes in loving and supporting his partner and dependents. I want to be happy with myself first and have a little family of just me and DS. But I don't want this POS to ruin the life that I wanted for myself and DS and I hope that one day we have the little family that I thought I was bringing DS into. POS STBX can't take that dream from me.
In some ways I feel like today is just another day, but I have this awesome baby who probably wouldn't be here had I not married his father. Hopefully next year the day passes and I don't even realize it.
