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One year from Dday, and not where I hoped to be

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RedRose posted 12/1/2013 12:24 PM

Today is the one year anniversary of Dday. I had suspected the A for almost two years, so was glad to finally have proof. WS was clear that he wanted to R and save our marriage.

One year ago, I had hope that things would be getting better. Instead, the A went underground and led to two more Ddays. Instead of being a year into R, we are only 4 months in. Instead of gaining back trust, it was shattered completely.

I told WS that this week was going to be a difficult one for me, and today especially. I expected him to step up and do more right now to help me through this. He continues to ask me what is wrong when I am upset, but still is not being proactive about R. No notes, no extra phone calls or texts, no extra time together this week. He says he loves me, but said that when the A was underground, making it difficult to believe now. I think about how much more comfortable I would be in R if he was doing more of the work, but also know that I can't make him do it.

He is doing enough to keep me from asking for a divorce, but just doesn't get, or care, that I need more.

Skan posted 12/1/2013 12:57 PM

Perhaps you should check out SuperDuperWonderBoy's post at the bottom of the page. He is saying goodby to R because his WW is only doing the bare minimum and, after two years of her just not doing enough, he has realized that this is not the way he wants to live the rest of his life.

When you're starving, ribs showing and unable to move, you need to be fed carefully to recover. You need steady food, nutrition, rest, exercise, and encouragement, step-by-step, to recover. You need to be carefully nurtured and watched, if your partner wants you to recover.

If all you get for nourishment is an occasional feast, then a carrot, then gruel for days on end, you will not only NOT get better, you will get worse and possibly die from a perforation of your digestive system. To reach health, you cannot be treated hap-hazardly, with little care of attention.

Your marriage is that starving person. If your spouse isn't doing enough to help it to heal, then he's doing it damage. And doing you damage.

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