I realize that in many ways I have a great H but I'm tired of hoping and waiting for the other side of the infidelity rainbow. You know where you have this new, wonderful M. I believe that M's facing SA take much longer than the usual 3-5 years of healing. But I'm tired of waiting and hoping.
My SAWH knows how I'm feeling. I've told him that I just no longer care and I have a very hard time respecting him. I feel some guilt about expressing those feelings but I just couldn't keep them hidden anymore. I simply don't trust him. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust and forgive everything.
At this point, for my kids, I'm fine just living as roommates and parenting partners. But deep inside, it hurts. I want to feel deeply loved, cherished, and connected to another man.
I don't know what to do about how I'm feeling other than the 180 for my own peace of mind.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
They have a chronic condition. At some point I have to accept that and deal or move on. I know I will eventually move on, if I am correct. I am too loving to live without any affection in return. And I want to do it before the only memories my kids have is of a distant Dad and a sad Mama.
I want to feel deeply loved, cherished,
I know what you mean right here. My husband is not a SA but I still feel like what he did ruined those feelings you mentioned, I don't feel deeply loved and I don't feel cherished. I feel like a piece of trash that was thrown out and then picked back up again when the shiny new toy broke. I struggle with wondering if I will ever feel that connection again.
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past."