My 1st DDay was 4 years ago this week. I've gone through quite a lot since that day. My SAWH is still in IC and a SA group. He's one of those guys whose always helped around the house and with the kids and likes to spend as much time with us as a family as he can. He's working on empathy and communicating his feelings and not falling back to his SA. But with every good step, I feel like there is still no intimacy between us (sexually, spiritually, or emotionally). I just feel done.
I realize that in many ways I have a great H but I'm tired of hoping and waiting for the other side of the infidelity rainbow. You know where you have this new, wonderful M. I believe that M's facing SA take much longer than the usual 3-5 years of healing. But I'm tired of waiting and hoping.
My SAWH knows how I'm feeling. I've told him that I just no longer care and I have a very hard time respecting him. I feel some guilt about expressing those feelings but I just couldn't keep them hidden anymore. I simply don't trust him. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust and forgive everything.
At this point, for my kids, I'm fine just living as roommates and parenting partners. But deep inside, it hurts. I want to feel deeply loved, cherished, and connected to another man.
I don't know what to do about how I'm feeling other than the 180 for my own peace of mind.
Together 25 years, married 21 years
4 precious kiddos
Multi DDay's,False R
4 Ea's, 1 ONS, 3 STA's, & 2 LTA's & 1 OC
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!