Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Romulus (45761)

User Topic: Hmm. I guess we all have a childish view of monogamy
clralb
♀ 17185
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wow! We all here are painfully aware that there is so much more to infidelity.

Ethan Hawke thinks most people have a 'childish view' of monogamy.

The 43-year-old actor, who has two daughters, Clementine, five, and Indiana, three, with his wife Ryan Shawhughes, and two children, Maya, 15, and Levon, 11, with his ex-wife Uma Thurman, thinks there should be more to marriage than sexual fidelity but insists he is committed to his marriage.

The 'Getaway' star told the November issue of Mr. Porter magazine: 'My relationship with my present wife is thrilling to me and I'm committed to it. But neither she nor I know what shape the future will come in. Sexual fidelity can't be the whole thing you hang your relationship on. If you really love somebody you want them to grow, but you don't get to define how that happens. They do.'

He added: 'People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. 'He's cheated so he's bad, she's cheated so she's bad,' as opposed to a recognition that our species is not monogamous. To act all indignant, that your world has been rocked because your lover wasn't faithful to you, is a little bit like acting rocked that your hair went grey. Human beings are sexual beings.'

But Ethan, who previously claimed he had no business marrying Uma when he was 27 because he was too immature, now insists he has no regrets even though they divorced in 1998 after six years together.

He said: 'We tried to be as optimistic as we could be: we all want to believe in love and the possibility of love. The older you get, the more you realize how powerful love is. You understand the right ways for emotion to lead your life and the dangerous ways. I don't regret marrying early.'


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 682 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a douchebag. I wish uma would go all "kill bill" on his ass.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7825 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If his argument were really valid, you could also conclude that any animal-like behavior is OK, including indiscriminately killing people, rape, theft, what have you. I realize that he's not saying any of these things (not trying to set up a straw man), but this illustrates that he would need to do way more to prove his point. So basically he's just saying "I'm cool with infidelity, and if you're not you're a child."


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 846 | Registered: Nov 2012
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, what he is saying is that we should all just realize our spouse (and us even) are not "designed" to be monogamous and therefore we have no right to be hurt when cheated on? Even thought that is what we we're promised in our official wedding ceremony?

What an ass. Clearly, a wayward. Only a wayward would try to make that mindset acceptable by belittling those of us ready to call him out for his poor choices.

I feel sorry for his wife and kids.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
HeartStings
♀ 38017
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PurpleRose--don't feel sorry for his wife. If I remember correctly, she was the nanny for his and Uma's kids.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
Snapdragon
♀ 4286
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll bet he will feel differently when his children are grown and married and get cheated on. Or if HE is cheated on.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3091 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read that yesterday. My eyes stopped rolling about an hour ago.

Justifications and bullshit. How surprising.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26214 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read that yesterday. My eyes stopped rolling about an hour ago


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If his argument were really valid, you could also conclude that any animal-like behavior is OK

I think we should all throw poop at next person who says crap like that.

Maybe we can make some rules, such as you can cheat all you want but then you have to give up your job and become a cave dwelling hunter-gatherer.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we should all throw poop at next person who says crap like that.



Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5918 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
gardenparty
12050
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, December 1st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read one time that humans as a species of the animal kingdom were also not programmed to shit in toilets yet we all seem to adapt to that alright. I find it very bizarre when people use the whole our species is not monogamous as an argument to justify infidelity. Really can't remember the last time I saw a man running around town in a loin cloth with a spear trying to get dinner for his table.


divorced!

Posts: 2737 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you feel you shouldn't be subject to monogamy than you shouldn't enter into any relationship that expects monagamy asshole...it's pretty fucking simple.

Hope it works out well for him.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4672 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
PhoenixRisen
35912
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds pretty selfish and like typical justification to A behavior to me. I wonder he would change his tune if Maya comes to him with a broken heart. He then may see what the betrayed side-of-the coin looks like.

Posts: 504 | Registered: Jun 2012
Griefstricken25
♀ 29183
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spoken like a true, unrepentant wayward. I'll stick to my "childish views" thank you very much.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2529 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
clralb
♀ 17185
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you feel you shouldn't be subject to monogamy than you shouldn't enter into any relationship that expects monagamy asshole...it's pretty fucking simple.

My thoughts exactly. He sounds like the childish one.

Gross, butI kind of like the idea of slinging poop at him. Oh, and the ex too! Where's a poop-slinging monkey when you need one???


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 682 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
Lyonesse
♀ 32943
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ethan, who previously claimed he had no business marrying Uma when he was 27 because he was too immature

Sounds like he is still too immature. This one's not done, put it back in the fire.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1802 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have found that attitudes like this are common amongst people who embrace non-monogamous lifestyles. They act like they are a more highly-evolved species or something because of their (usually drama filled) lifestyles, and take every opportunity to look down their noses at people who choose monogamy.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Spelljean
♀ 35624
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has a simplistic view of fidelity. He presumes "sexual infidelity" actually is limited to the sexual. As though no emotions are involved at all, its all an animalistic act. While that can be true some of the time, its rarely the norm. There is a complex set of circumstances and emotions surrounding most infidelity, even those that seem to be based purely on the sexual, therefore it encompasses more than just sex. When most people are involved in a relationship outside of their marriage, they are betraying their spouse on many levels. You can try to compartmentalize it in a box of "just sex" but its never or rarely just about that.

Its one of those convenient theories. People love to pick and choose theories. Never mind that many practices of pre-historic man aren't practiced anymore because....well... maybe we've evolved intellectually since then? And even when those the urges still exist (violent ones very often) doesn't mean we continue use them to excuse horrific behavior to other human beings.

Simplistic view.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read that yesterday. My eyes stopped rolling about an hour ago.

I think we should all throw poop at next person who says crap like that.

If you feel you shouldn't be subject to monogamy than you shouldn't enter into any relationship that expects monagamy asshole...it's pretty fucking simple.

So much gold.

I love it how he's trying to come across all Buddha on the Mountain.

Polyamorous is a lifestyle choice that has boundaries around fidelity and the like just as monogamy does. As I understand it the 'poly' part is emotional and physical connections with others - all consenting adults.

I don't need to look it up to tell you there is no Poly in Monogamy, fuckwit.

Cheating isn't an open relationship any more than stalking is a romantic walk only one person knows about.

He did Uma a huge favour by being such a fucking coward. I'm so glad he looks so disgusting these days.

That.Guy.Got.Fucked.Up!

[This message edited by SBB at 4:47 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 19

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.