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Need quick advice concerning kids

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KJac posted 12/1/2013 16:46 PM

STBX showed up here a bit ago and twinsons16 went out and got in his pickup - the only reason I even noticed he was here is because twin1 called me (I was in my bedroom and thought he was in living room watching football) - when I answered he said "oh, nothing" and hung up - so I walked out to living room to see what he was doing (I thought he was probably just being silly) and noticed STBX truck in driveway so I walked outside and asked what he was doing...

He said boys are coming w/me for awhile and I asked DD11 to come too but she didn't want to - is that ok? I said fine but where are you going - he said "for a drive" - I said ok but we were planning on going out for supper (because we are) and he said ok well I'll have them back in about an hour and a half - I said fine and once again asked where are you going - "just for a drive" - I walked away and he left

DD11 met me in entry when I walked back in the house and I calmly asked her if she knew where they were going and she said "to see where dad is going to be living" - I asked her if she knew where this was and she said no. I also calmly asked her if he was going to be living w/someone and she responded "I don't know" - I just said okay -

Enter other living room and ask DS17 why he didn't go w/them and he says "where?" - yup STBX did not even invite him...

Can he do this?? He clearly expects the kids will be spending time at his "new place" and thinks I have no right to know where this is or who else is living there. God knows at this point I'd rather know NOTHING about his sick life but I have minor children and this is just NOT an option! This particularly concerns me regarding DD11.

What do I do???? I'm planning to CALMLY confront him about this when he returns... What do y'all think???

cmego posted 12/1/2013 17:22 PM

Don't confront him in person. Send him an email asking for his new address if the kids will be spending time there.

Honestly, there is probably nothing you can do if someone is living there with him, even if you have a morality clause in your divorce decree. The courts don't really care about immoral behavior, only illegal. Trust me, I tried to have a morality clause added, and my lawyer said they are really hard to inverse.

Remain calm, do everything in writing so you have proof of the conversations.

Gemini71 posted 12/1/2013 17:49 PM

I would require that he at least give you the address and phone number if your kids are going to be visiting there. You need to be able to contact them in case of emergency. Our parenting agreement says we have to disclose our addresses or we don't get visitation.

stolendreamz posted 12/1/2013 19:53 PM

KJac, is there anyway you can let one of your visiting kids carry your cell phone? They have GPS on them, and if it has a "find my phone" function, then you could get an address. Plus it will give you a way to stay in touch with your kids. Just a thought, damn cellphones ruined my life, its funny how they can be used to help. ((JKac and kiddos))

KJac posted 12/1/2013 20:11 PM

When will he ever stop fucking w/me and how the hell do I stop falling for it??? I am so utterly sick of his tortuous "games".

@stolendreamz - kids all have their own cell phones but I just try to not fish for information from them and they really haven't been w/him at all in the last month or so so it's not been much of an issue... I like your idea about the GPS on their phones tho - I need to do some checking on this. Thanks

Update: I could not help myself I confronted him when he dropped them off. I did however remain cool, calm, and collected - I simply told him that when he takes the kids I need to know where they are, period. I do not w/hold that from him nor would I (on the rare occasion he texts to find out where they are - they often don't respond to him - I ALWAYS let him know where they are) I said that although I'd rather not have to know anything about him anymore, as a responsible parent I need to know where my kids are and if they're going to be at his place then unfortunately I need to know where that is.

He was giddy. Told me about this lovely little 2 bedroom that his boss is completely remodeling for him. It should be done before Christmas so the kids can come over whenever. He is just happy as a pig in shit. He's not only enjoying his freedom from all responsibility (as he actually always has) but now he doesn't have to come home and face the wife and kids he neglects, cheats on, and abandoned. I have freed him from guilt and he is absolutely giddy. And I want to crawl in a hole w/my pain, anger, sadness, self-loathing, fear ... I just want this to stop. I wish I could detach like him. I really do right now.

He just completely mentally tortured me again today and I fell right into it. Again. I'm so mad at myself.

stolendreamz posted 12/1/2013 20:37 PM

I hear you and understand! Just know that you only have to make it through today. That's how I day at a time. If I try to think further down the road, I feel panic coming on.
I'm envious that your WH is out of the house. Mine...not so much. Sucking up vital oxygen, gaming incessantly like an 8 yr old and leaving dishes and crumbs all over. You deserve so much more,hang in there, your children love and need you as much as you need them. Strength, Prayers and Hugs to you, KJac.

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