Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Do the hits ever stop?

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

daisylvr posted 12/1/2013 17:05 PM

I have not posted on here for a long time, but occasionally drop by to see if others experiencing same things. It took awhile but my divorce was final in June, I am three years out from DDay. My XWH is still with the OW and has introduced her, though as just a friend, to my DS's 13 and 14. This of course kills me, but the 14 year old is bothered as not being able to spend time alone with dad. My DD 20 refuses to meet her as she knows of the affair. I am happy for the most part in my life. I finally got a new job that I love and have even sort of dated, though I not ready for a new relationship. I do not love my XWH and see how much better off I am without him in my life. Ok, think that about covers the back story.

DS 13 forgot some homework and asked me to bring it over. I thought my X knew. When I drove over there I saw that her car was there. I haven't seen her since DDay 2 and don't want to. I parked in common area and called X telling him I had sons homework and he needed to come to car and get it as I figured he didn't want me to come to door. He wouldn't and said just bring it to door. I drove up to house and both my sons came out and I gave homework, kisses to them and left. I texted X saying not to do that to me again. He blamed my son (of course) and most likely yelled at him.

I was shaking when I saw she was there. I feel sick and upset. Someone who was ok with the fact that he didn't mention he had children for a year, doesn't deserve to spend time with my children. This is the last part of all this and the worst. I know I have come so far in my healing and it has been so long. Will it ever stop? Will there be a day soon when I won't feel this way. I know I am over him, but I am not over what happened. I feel so defeated by the fact that it can still get to me this way. I am trying to be happy alone first so I can find a healthy relationship. Please tell me I don't need someone in MY life so this doesn't get to me so much.

I know the dreaded word... time. But I feel like there has been so much time already and I am just sick of still dealing with the fall out. Tired of making the sacrifices and taking the high road.

Thanks for reading and being a place that I can vent this and it be understood.

259 posted 12/1/2013 18:31 PM

I feel for you, have a (((dl))) or two (((dl)))

time sure is a four letter word alright. but that's how we move forward - slowly - as time passes and we work on ourselves.

you are right though when you say she does not deserve to spend time with your kids. its one of my pet peeves too.

one of your sentences jumped out at me, about being over him but not over what happened. I feel like this too sometimes. and it will end, you will reach indifference, and it will be worth all your hard work that you have put into yourself.

you have come a long way from DD. please don't stop doing all that you've been doing to help your recovery. you are worth it all. hang in there :)

sorry my post is a bit dis-jointed. and finally, no I don't think finding a partner is what you need, focus on you, and your kids, but mostly you, cause you know, if Mamma aint happy, nobody aint going to be happy.

chin up lovely lady, you will beat this

better4me posted 12/1/2013 19:08 PM

It's like peeling an onion sometimes, isn't it? You're doing so well and then another layer comes up and you have to peel that one too. Being upset and shaken by this doesn't mean you aren't healing. Please don't let this defeat you, let it show you that you are a human being with a heart. And hearts continue to hurt for awhile, especially after this kind of betrayal (and especially after your X's cavalier attitude about it.) Ass.

It is such a good thing that you haven't drug your sons into this, that you just gave them the homework and kisses and drove away. What a good Mom you are not to drag them into this mess. Someday when they are older they may figure it all out, or it will be revealed in some way, but it is good that they can still be innocent about this a little longer.

I've just come through my 3 year anniversary of my DDay. I too thought that there had certainly been "enough" time that I wouldn't be affected by it anymore. I've been rocked hard by it this year though, and someone else recently told me that the 3rd year sucked for them at least you have company daisylvr. And misery loves that, right?


Harriet posted 12/2/2013 09:28 AM

Darn. I was really hoping year 3 was going to be the magic number. And that's just from the divorce...DDay was yonkers ago.

I had a similar experience daisy. I thought I had made so much progress in my feelings. Then one day I was at a meeting and someone who doesn't know me mentioned my ex and his new girlfriend as possible contacts for something. I actually started to tremble. It was the first time I had heard of the 2 acknowledged publicly as a couple and it brought up all of those horrible feelings. I left the meeting and cried all the way home. I thought I was past all that! Wham.

Waiting for the indifference, trying to invent new ways to move on. It is so great to know others understand and feel the same (not that I wish for you to feel it, just good to not feel so alone with it).

LearningToRun posted 12/2/2013 09:36 AM

I am 3 years out myself. Similar circumstance, although he introduced her within 3 months of the divorce. They are together and buying a house nad my kids now refer to them all as "family"

It sucks, but yes - time and adjusting and acceptance are needed. it gets better. I still haven't seen them face to face being a couple and i imagine it will suck.

This was your first, so it felt like a punch. Next time, it will be expected.

I am also dating, and having someone new, to me, does not make a difference on this emotion at all. They are completely separate.

Dawnie posted 12/2/2013 14:15 PM

I am 4 years out and honestly have no feelings at all for my XH. He married the OW a few months after the D was final. I am remarried and very happy with my new life.

HOWEVER.... I can not be in the same room with the OW, ever.... I know that the A was my XH's choice and she owed me nothing.... but the lack of respect that she showed me as a woman, a wife and a mother is absolutely unforgivable. She slept in my bed with my then husband, she was the woman of my home on the weekends that my son and I were away at the beach.... I WILL ALWAYS HATE HER FOR HER ABILITY TO DO THIS TO ME.... it still blows my mind, its just evil and sick.

I see no end in sight for my feelings for her... I havent been face to face with her in years and hope it never happens.

You are not alone...


daisylvr posted 12/2/2013 21:46 PM

Thank you for all your responses. It is nice know I am not alone in this and that there are others who totally get it. I do feel indifference for him. One way I have gotten through this that I cut toxic people out of my life. I deal with him as little as possible, but will never deal with her. It's my kids element to this that I just can't figure out how to deal with. This all just sucks. The effects of infidelity are far reaching.

damncutekitty posted 12/2/2013 23:43 PM

She's the one who should be shaking when she sees you. It's not like you have anything to be ashamed of. It's not like you're the one being passed off as "dad's new friend" to children whose home you wrecked. It's not you who will have to spend the next few years overcompensating until people stop whispering behind your back that you're a homewrecking skankasaurus. It's not you who has driven a wedge between your XH and his kids.

Next time you are forced to see her, hold your head high and remember that she's nothing but a piece of shit.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.