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Jocelyn (original poster new member #41459) posted at 12:02 AM on Monday, December 2nd, 2013
I am really trying hard to get the courage to just file. Did anyone get a D/is doing this through mediation? It would be heck of a lot easier for me to find the money somehow and retain the L but they offer mediation classes here that I thought I would go to. The L told me WH would be responsible for all fees because I don't currently work and am in school full time. I guess I just thought I would try mediation (when I get strong enough) because even though WH has done this to me I feel terrible to drag him through the wringer (even though he is doing that to me right now!) :(
How did you get the courage to file? How did your life change immediately after? Did your spouse get very angry. I'm worried he is going to get angry and keep things from me. Mostly I'm worried he just won't care.
Me (BS): 32 WH: 33 1 young child
Married 7 years, together 10.
SA WH had PA with Married-OW in another state. We started R (10-22-13) and ~1 mth later I found out they are still talking via email.
Have been actively R since Nov-13.
WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 5:43 PM on Monday, December 2nd, 2013
I don't have much to add. I'm telling STBX tomorrow, though, and I'll let you know how he takes it. We don't have kids or asserts so it should be pretty straightforward. Laws vary a great deal from state to state. You might see if legal aid can give you advice about fees.
Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14
lifestoshort ( member #18442) posted at 6:10 PM on Monday, December 2nd, 2013
when you feel saddness and pain, its because you know something is wrong. you cannot go on that way, your heart is telling you what you need to do.
now you have to do it. there is no changing a person. only you can be what you wish in life and the person who will truly love you will not cause pain. you know this
Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 6 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old & left.
nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 6:25 PM on Monday, December 2nd, 2013
He did get angry when I filed. Too bad, he wanted to continue his A, well then the natural consequence of that was me filing for divorce within a week of dday.
Honey, I would dig deep and file. If he's not stopping the A then you need to protect yourself. Do it.
Me - happy!
2 DDs
Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.
Pawpatch ( new member #41489) posted at 3:59 AM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013
It's extremely hard for me to understand why you feel bad "dragging him through the wringer". For a spouse to cheat means they are selfish, only thinking about their needs, wants or desires. They don't have a conscience. They don't care what this A is going to do to the family or what pain it will cause. It's all about them. You need to value you and know putting him "through the wringer" was the result of his actions. Plain and simple he did this to himself.
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 4:08 AM on Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013
What gave me the courage to file was the thought that without something about custody that he could just take my child. That thought got my ass straight in to see a lawyer.
He wasn't angry at first but when he started seeing the consequences, he became angry. He would throw mantrums every time things got 'public'...he does not like looking bad.
At the time I did not want to go through the process...because I don't like confrontation. But I'm so glad that I filed when I did...filing prevented him from buying another house and withdrawing the retirement.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
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