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Trying to do this

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Jocelyn posted 12/1/2013 18:02 PM

I am really trying hard to get the courage to just file. Did anyone get a D/is doing this through mediation? It would be heck of a lot easier for me to find the money somehow and retain the L but they offer mediation classes here that I thought I would go to. The L told me WH would be responsible for all fees because I don't currently work and am in school full time. I guess I just thought I would try mediation (when I get strong enough) because even though WH has done this to me I feel terrible to drag him through the wringer (even though he is doing that to me right now!) :(

How did you get the courage to file? How did your life change immediately after? Did your spouse get very angry. I'm worried he is going to get angry and keep things from me. Mostly I'm worried he just won't care.

WeepingBuddhist posted 12/2/2013 11:43 AM

I don't have much to add. I'm telling STBX tomorrow, though, and I'll let you know how he takes it. We don't have kids or asserts so it should be pretty straightforward. Laws vary a great deal from state to state. You might see if legal aid can give you advice about fees.

lifestoshort posted 12/2/2013 12:10 PM

when you feel saddness and pain, its because you know something is wrong. you cannot go on that way, your heart is telling you what you need to do.

now you have to do it. there is no changing a person. only you can be what you wish in life and the person who will truly love you will not cause pain. you know this

nutmegkitty posted 12/2/2013 12:25 PM

He did get angry when I filed. Too bad, he wanted to continue his A, well then the natural consequence of that was me filing for divorce within a week of dday.
Honey, I would dig deep and file. If he's not stopping the A then you need to protect yourself. Do it.

Pawpatch posted 12/2/2013 21:59 PM

It's extremely hard for me to understand why you feel bad "dragging him through the wringer". For a spouse to cheat means they are selfish, only thinking about their needs, wants or desires. They don't have a conscience. They don't care what this A is going to do to the family or what pain it will cause. It's all about them. You need to value you and know putting him "through the wringer" was the result of his actions. Plain and simple he did this to himself.

tesla posted 12/2/2013 22:08 PM

What gave me the courage to file was the thought that without something about custody that he could just take my child. That thought got my ass straight in to see a lawyer.

He wasn't angry at first but when he started seeing the consequences, he became angry. He would throw mantrums every time things got 'public'...he does not like looking bad.

At the time I did not want to go through the process...because I don't like confrontation. But I'm so glad that I filed when I did...filing prevented him from buying another house and withdrawing the retirement.

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