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I shouldn't have to...

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nekorb posted 12/1/2013 19:39 PM

A wife shouldn't have to see a picture of the OW when she visits her husband's FB page because OW has been added to his friend's list.

karmahappens posted 12/1/2013 19:56 PM

If you are still together, no you should not. I would have him block her.

nekorb posted 12/1/2013 20:02 PM

She is newly added as of about four weeks ago. It was a power play on her part...he gave her the password to his FB account...she also deleted all my posts on his wall and my PM's to him. Then I saw a bunch of texts between them talking about it...
Did she notice? Don't say anything unless she does!'s like junior high school....

I feel like if I say something I'm playing right into her hand of trying to upset me and therefore acknowledging that her plan worked.

karmahappens posted 12/1/2013 20:09 PM

Wait, so you are not together?

He is still texting her? and she him?

Nature_Girl posted 12/1/2013 22:36 PM

Are you with your WH or not?

Ostrich80 posted 12/2/2013 03:53 AM

Whoa!! Are you living with him??

Ostrich80 posted 12/2/2013 04:00 AM

Nekorb, I just went back and read some of your posts. It looks like he's left? And he doesn't want to R?
Ow shouldn't be doing that but unfortunately she sounds like a little bitch and she's trying to rub salt in the wound. For your own sanity, don't look. It will drive you nuts. I'm so sorry this is happening.

solus sto posted 12/2/2013 06:11 AM

I'm sorry you saw this idiocy. But you can prevent that, and the pain that seeing them act out their puerile luv on FB---just block them.

(Seriously, grown adults do this crap? My seventeen-year-old would dump a girl for less.)

nekorb posted 12/2/2013 09:26 AM

We are still together. Living together, the kids don't know etc. we have a situation with our middle DD that is keeping WH in the home and we are making every attempt to maintain the status quo for the moment.

WH says he doesn't want to R, but I also haven't seen him make any moves for the door. Yes, DD's doc says no changes in the house for at least six months, but there's a lot you can do in six months to prepare to leave. Kwim?

Honestly, my H is self destructing...he needs counseling badly and won't go...he is going to have an emotional breakdown eventually if he isn't careful.

I still love him, still want the opportunity to R, but I don't know if it's ever going to happen. He is hell bent on keeping his AP right now.

But- to answer your question, we are still together, living in the same house, sharing a bed (for sleeping), he have me a birthday gift, plans to give me a Christmas gift, etcetera. If I hadn't told you he was unhappy, having an affair, and is planning to leave you would never know it from looking at our life.

In a way it's just become cruel...he knows that I'm here with him no matter what for our daughter's sake...

karmahappens posted 12/2/2013 10:00 AM

WH says he doesn't want to R, but I also haven't seen him make any moves for the door.

He doesn't need to make a run for the door.

He has everything he wants. A home, a family, a life and an AP on the side.

His actions are cruel and selfish. If S/D is not an option for 6 months I would at the very least 180.

He won't do anything if his life is as easy as can be.

I would not be making this so easy for him.

Block them both on facebook, detach.

Razor posted 12/2/2013 10:08 AM

what karma said. exactly.

You are in a poisonous situation. The person you trusted the most has betrayed you and now is cheating right in front of you.

Is OW married or in a relationship? If so notify her BS.

Block BOTH of them on FB. Do a HARD 180. Can you kick him out and have him go live with his OW? Or at least have him sleep on the couch (a tent in the backyard would be better).

You are in a TOXIC situation and need to separate your self from it.

nekorb posted 12/2/2013 10:12 AM

Well, if I block him on FB, that will look awfully suspicious tou older DD.

It seems my whole life right now is about the kids not finding out ...

nekorb posted 12/2/2013 10:19 AM

Sorry - forgot to answer another question...

OW was married when it started- you know how it goes - complaining to each other about how awful their spouses are. Her H called my house one day - I already knew, told him I didn't want him to contact me again and he respected that.

OW has dissolved her marriage as of 10/31. My H thought that was what we were going to do...all nice and friendly and just walk away. Nope. You aren't walking away from me after 24 years without a fight. I told him I didn't agree it was the right thing to do, so if he wanted it so badly he was going to have to do it himself.

It's just a real pickle all the way around. For now, I just try and stay off his FB page.

I guess it's the POINT.

headdesk posted 12/2/2013 16:45 PM

As gently as I can...I can't see that your DD doesn't know something is up.

I was a child of divorce that involved an complicated OW situation. They pretended that nothing 'like that' went on. For me I did know something was up. I asked them and they denied. It was just one of the burdens that I had that was hard to bear as a depressed and suicidal 13 year old. Knowing something was up and being told that I was making it up (yeah gaslighting) just made me feel more crazy and out of control.

Which isn't to say fly at it and confront...I just would really suggest that you get a secondary opinion from a different dr. They may agree that carrying on a sham is the way to go, but all I can say is that for me it wasn't the right choice. They still lie about it to this day and it is one of the things that has fragmented our relationship now that I'm an adult.

For me, your WH isn't just cheating on you, he's cheating and gaslighting her too. Barf.

She already knows stuff is up. Deleting him (if she notices) is hardly worse than seeing all her mother's posts deleted and pictures of another woman all over her dad's fb...I mean, really, which is more obvious?

You have a daughter and possibly a husband that are already coming apart at the seams and you have your own pain and things to deal with. When does the breaking point hit and end up with you in a place where you can't support her?

Meanwhile your WH is in a place where his needs trump his very fragile daughter's. Ew. He's continuing to wound her and put her at risk with every action he's taking and he's being allowed to do it. His daughter's life is in the balance here and he can't stop continuing to wound her? GROSS.

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