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new found anger

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learningtofeel posted 12/1/2013 19:52 PM

Hi All,

So I'm suddenly spiking a lot of anger lately. Not sure why all of a sudden. FWS is continuing to work hard on his own stuff and we're doing good work in MC too. I'm still in IC and addressing lots of stuff. But almost every day something happens that triggers anger feelings. I have mentioned this to him, but it's really hard to talk about and hard to express precisely because we are doing good work and making progress. It doesn't seem right to be angry at him NOW, even if I am not angry at his current self but rather his past self.

I'd appreciate any of your thoughts on how to handle this or where it's coming from.

KatyDo posted 12/1/2013 21:39 PM

All I can say is I'm in the same boat. I get triggered by similar circumstances. I guess ideally I'd want my spouse to listen to me express my feelings, since I didn't know either during the affair - or always believed him when he said they were "just friends." Maybe in a sense it's happening for us because we didn't get a chance to be aware of it before.

BAB61 posted 12/1/2013 21:48 PM

I think you're just processing, it's bubbling up to the surface. I'm sure it was there, under the hurt and pain. I'm so angry I could explode! I'm at a different phase, just started IC (WH started 11/5) and we aren't in MC yet. The counselor we initially saw wanted to address his PTSD issues first and foremost, which I get. So, anyway anger for me is ALWAYS there! Just let it out, tell him you're feeling anger, not necessarily about something that is current.

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