I can accept that sometimes relationships do not work out. I can accept that regardless of how that occurred I have to move on in my life and am open to new relationships. I still do not accept that betrayal is an acceptable part of any relationship.
I believed heavily in our vows and I thought my husband did too. XWH and I did have marriage counseling and we were quite proud of that fact that we were tuning up our marriage and doing our best to address any issues. He just never addressed the fact that he was fucking other women at the same time...
At this point, I choose not to see my marriage as erased. I choose to remember what was good prior to the crazy. Because there was good. But I don't romanticize it for the future either - it unfortunately haunts me. And, yes, I've often thought I would have preferred to be a widow. It would be much easier to think he was gone because he had no control in the situation - unfortunately, that is not the case.
I choose to hope that I can find someone who I can share a future with, that is worthy of sharing a future with, at some point. I would like it to have been the man I married, but that is no longer realistic and I have to live with the reality - and now that I know who he really is, I realize I'm better off without him.
I don't know if I've addressed your question fireproof - maybe I'm just rambling.
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.