SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

why would someone take the risk of turning an EA into a PA when they know that their spouse is on to them????

three weeks before DD i caught my WH having inappropriate sexually based convos on text message and facebook with someone. i approached him, told him how i felt, told him he was opening a pandoras box he would not be able to close. he said he would stop and did for two weeks. i caught him having convos again the same week i found it he had taken it to a physical level. three days before i found out i asked for the password to the cell phone account, so again he knew i was checking up on things. he had sex with her the same day i found out.

is he just stupid???

this is just one of the WTF questions that is constantly rolling around in my mind.

He might be stupid but I know for my XW the attention and feelings became like a drug. She couldn't just go cold turkey.

What's the risk? My husband lost me. Obviously, he didn't want me or he wouldn't have had an affair. He took no risk. He lost nothing.

The first thing, which I didn't learn, was WSes don't care about their spouses. They care about themselves. That's the answer to many of the questions we BSes have.

Is it Dr. Phil who says, ...you can't make sense out of nonsense?

Stop asking yourself so many questions and start making forward decisions for yourself. It's much easier to ask the questions, but you wo't move forward.

I wish someone had told me these things when I first discovered his affair. I probably would have healed faster.

"Small steps corrupt"

I honestly think they get a rush from the treachery. The lying and sneaking around adds excitement and builds up their expectations of the mind blowing sex they think they will have. But in most cases the reality is that the sex usually sucks. Its rushed and never lives up to the hype. I remember reading the explicit e-mails between my XWW and the OM. Boy I thought he was a sexual Hercules and could make women orgasm with just a look. After they did the nasty he was apologizing for not being able to last very long. I do have to admit that made me feel better. But its not the sex that keeps them going back, its the attention, validation and fantasy. Cheaters don't live in the real world like the rest of us. There is nothing but rainbows and unicorns, until reality takes a big dump on them.

(((Logliyn2))) - Many hugs to you. I am in the same boat. It sucks. It is the one thing I cannot let go of.

On Nov 19, I posted a similiar thread asking if my WH was a special kind of evil since I was on to him and THEN he slept with her. The responses I got helped tremendously. First, that like you, many of us knew that they were heading down that path and warned them. Secondly, there was nothing we could do to stop them. They had a one-track mind.

One of the last responses was about WH realizing that he already betrayed me, so what is one more lie? That hit home. In our eyes, it is the HUGE step to go from a EA to a PA, but in his eyes he it wasn't that big, it was a logical step. He was already hiding and lying, doesn't matter if it is a few emails and texts or sleeping together. He had already made the decision to go behind my back.

Here's the thread, I hope it helps:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=514177&HL=39836