It's the person who used to exist, or maybe only existed in my head, who I'd like to talk to, but she's gone.
I'm so sorry. I hate when we can't get closure, it does make moving forward more difficult. Honestly, I know this is why I went into the career field that I did. I am in Social Work/Counseling, and it is heavy on Psychology, which helps me understand personality and mood disorders.
But honestly, even though I now understand why WS acted the way he did, it still sucks. I know there is something different in his brain that makes him do the things he does. But it STILL hurt, it still left me messed up, and I am still dealing with the repercussions from time to time.
I think the most important thing to remember when someone abandons us, the people they are supposed to love, is that the problem resides with them, not us. People that are mentally healthy will stick around and work things out, take care of their responsibilities, and deal with problems. People that are emotionally immature, have personality disorders, or have other mental problems will run.
I'm so sorry for the pain you have experienced.