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Should I inform stbx of dd18 trip out of the country?

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dmari posted 12/2/2013 10:04 AM

DD18 will be traveling to NZ to visit her boyfriend and his family. Do I need to inform stbx? We are not divorced; stbx walked out; DD18 has not seen or spoken to him in a year; stbx pays child support; temp court orders states I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody.

The only stuff about the kids I inform him about is change in medications.

If I do need to inform him, how far in advance should I do it? How much information do I share? He doesn't even know she has a boyfriend.

Thank you!

Gajit posted 12/2/2013 10:10 AM

I wouldn't tell him. She is 18, isn't that considered an adult?

Lostandpregnant posted 12/2/2013 10:10 AM

^^ That.
She's a legal adult. No need to tell him anything.

dmari posted 12/2/2013 10:33 AM

Thank you Gajit and Lostandpregnant! I wasn't sure if I should since he is paying child support (temp court orders).

GabyBaby posted 12/2/2013 10:36 AM

I agree. She's 18 and legally an adult.
I wouldn't tell him a darned thing (unless your DD decides to do it herself).

JustDone posted 12/2/2013 10:44 AM

I agree with everyone, don't tell him.

Lostandpregnant posted 12/2/2013 10:47 AM

How old does she have to be before the child support for her stops? (Just out of curiosity)

dmari posted 12/2/2013 12:21 PM

Thank you for the extra reassurances!! I really appreciate it!

Lostandpregnant: Stbx is draggggging his ass so we are going by the temporary court orders which states he has to pay "family support". In a recent settlement offer, he has agreed to pay child support until she is 24 though but I don't know if he is going to change is mind. Quite likely. Both kiddos have needs and the probability that DD18 will be "semi-independent" (employable, etc) by 24 is questionable.

I noticed one of your children has ASD (that is one of DD18's disability) ~ I'm not sure where you are at getting child support but I would keep child support for the child with ASD "open" or "reserved" because you just never know what their level of functioning will be as an "adult".

Hang in there. You have a lot on your shoulders. Bless you and all your little ones!

Lostandpregnant posted 12/2/2013 12:35 PM

Ah ok. That makes sense. My son is from my first marriage, so there's nothing I can do in regards to his stepfather bailing, although it has been very very hard on him (major regression after we've worked SO hard..it is awful).

Griefstricken25 posted 12/2/2013 17:29 PM

She's a legal adult. I wouldn't tell him a thing.

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