So, about five months ago I discovered that my wife had an affair. She quickly filed and left. We've been separated ever since. Divorce should be final here soon. Very quick, easy deal. She walked away from everything.
I did about two months of complete depression, then something clicked and I was a different person. "I know what I need", I said to myself "Women!"
I learned something about myself. I can pick up women. Pretty easily. Who knew?! After being with the same woman for 20 years, you lose your "game" for sure... but I guess I'm a natural talker/charmer. I'm also in the best shape of my life (thanks to the anxiety-driven weight loss and more frequent trips to the gym).
I went on dates with 4 women. Slept with two of them. First one... awful. Just awful. Second one, great experience... felt like crap afterward. There was no emotional connection. What was I doing? I have three kids. I'm a dad. Ugh... One of the women developed feelings for me and I let her know that no, I'm not ready for a committed relationship. She went a little crazy. Kinda scary, actually. I definitely wasn't ready for this.
So, I called off the whole "chasing women" thing. I was obviously trying to fill a void. I need to concentrate more on me. Stop trying to prove my masculinity and feed my ego.
AND THEN... L contacted me. I knew L for a couple of years. She worked with the ex. I was friendly with her and her boyfriend. She was stunning. Smart. We hit it off when we first met... Now she was checking in on me. To see how I was doing. We spoke for about three hours. The next day, we texted all day. Spoke on the phone that night. We did this every day for three weeks. We most definitely "clicked". Very funny gal. We were extremely similar.
One tidbit of info I'm leaving out. The boyfriend was not out of the picture. In fact, she moved in with him about a year ago. The same extremely nice, funny guy I met about a year ago. *sigh*
What I should've done is told her "see ya" and look me up when she was single again. But, I didn't. I was infatuated. She filled every void in me. I was alive again. My hobbies started up again. I was more active with my kids. My job performance went up. She was that emotional safety net I needed.
We went out. Three times. Sparks flew, for sure. We got physical, but no sex. Her texts and calls to me increased. I loved it.
And then... a death in her family. Somebody very close to her. A definite change in her. Then, Thanksgiving. She spent it with his family. She didn't say it, but we went from a bazillion texts to about two a day... and the tone was completely different. I think it's over. I stopped contacting her. She reached out to me... just very vanilla conversation. Like buddies.
I know I need to let it go...but Damn. It's tough. I should've called it off early, and I shouldn't have developed feelings for her. My anxiety is back, full force.
*sigh*... this is going to be tougher than I thought. I'm not ready.