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Been awhile. But here I am again :(

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brokenhearted76 posted 12/2/2013 12:40 PM

I haven't posted in a while. I have lurked a lot though. I thought that wh and I were finally getting to a better point. I had total transparency...he gave me all his passwords..he went total nc with the ow. We shut our cells off and got one plain basic no frills cell that we both used. We have wifi and a the computers at home..but I always had access to his devices. Things were going good I thought. I don't know if I am over reacting but my gut tells me he is up to no good again. He has taken to carrying the cell with him all the time. I have to ask for it! And when I get it all texts are cleared all call logs are cleared. He says its because it was flag. He will text or call female friends that we have known for awhile that were friends before his last affair. But he deletes the flag! If the cell rings or a text comes in he will run through the house to get it
He keeps it on his side of the bed at night. I know or think I know that he's already trying to cheat or planning on it. Ugh am I just over reacting?

MovingUpward posted 12/2/2013 12:45 PM

I think that your suspicions are warranted. If it is filling up fast enough to be full then he has a lot going on.

headdesk posted 12/2/2013 12:49 PM

You're not. Any way to get a keylogger on it?

k94ever posted 12/2/2013 12:57 PM

Can I ask you this?

He's a serial cheater. Where is your line in the sand?


lost_in_toronto posted 12/2/2013 13:02 PM

You are not overreacting. Even without his history, his behaviour points to an A. With his history, it's one big red flag waving in your face. Sorry you are going through this again.

ETA - can you call the phone company and get a copy of your bill? Even is he is erasing the call history, you should be able to see how many texts he is sending and who he has been calling.

[This message edited by lost_in_toronto at 1:03 PM, December 2nd (Monday)]

Thinkingtoomuch posted 12/2/2013 13:03 PM

Sorry brokenhearted you're here again.

Yup. Sounds fishy to me.

I was at Costco Saturday walking towards a table of items. I turned a corner and made a quick second of eye contact with a 50ish man leaning back on a table checking his cell for messages. I saw a quick moment of smirk on his lips, he snapped his cell closed, and saw me. I immediately looked around like "where's the wife. Where's the woman (wife) he's cheating on". I kept looking and finally found her. Could not get it out of my head that he was cheating on her.

I apply all my new gut trusting learning in all aspects of my life now. I earned a Doctorate degree in it.

Everything you described is pretty spot on.


[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 1:04 PM, December 2nd (Monday)]

brokenhearted76 posted 12/2/2013 13:30 PM

I guess I just needed someone to validate and say I'm not over reacting. My line in the sand? I'm so lost I can't find it. I have fibromyalgia and I hurt all the time on top of this. Our daughter is in a residential facility for help because of suicidal thoughts and depression. Our son has health issues. Now this nightmare again. Unfortunately the cell is prepaid so there are no records. He was told this was his last chance. He makes another mistake and he has to leave. He made all the right promises and said all the right things. It seems like it was nothing but more lies.

StillLivin posted 12/2/2013 13:54 PM

He was told this was his last chance. He makes another mistake and he has to leave.

This^^^ That was you drawing your line in the sand. Really, if you don't put your foot down, disassociate with either NC and/or 180, you have just given him your permission to continue his unacceptable behavior because you don't have enough self worth to stand your ground.

Words don't adequately describe how sorry I am you are here. They really just don't.

Woman, you have a serious disease. Right now, you have plenty to distract you. You have a child that needs you. Get yourself healthy and strong physically and emotionally. There is so much new material about fibromyalgia. New info about going gluten free helping with the pain. Doing the juicing thing, especially ginger, an anti inflammatory wonder root. Do you really, truly need to be dealing with this immature and selfish clown right now?
Take care of you first and your child. He is not in the game with you.
I keep seeing all of these posts of needing physcial evidence. WHY? You know what he is doing. You know.
You are spinninig your wheels wondering. Expend that energy more productively by researching and implementing your knowledge on getting yourself healthier and living with less pain.
I did find this much out about stress, it exacerbates any and all health issues.
When I lost my 6'2", 265 pound tumor of negativity and toxin, all 3 of my diseases went into remission. Amazing, they completely went into remission even though I was going through some of the worst depression and trauma in my life.
But, I had to get rid of him and I had to make the choice, yes choice, that I and my health were both more important than his drama, immaturity, selfishness, and emotional abuse.

Take2 posted 12/2/2013 14:04 PM

Sorry brokenhearted.

When you are ready to know, take his cell and hide it, muted, for a day... At that point, from what you've described - it should tell you all you need to know...

tushnurse posted 12/2/2013 14:07 PM

I don't know if you see a specialist for the Fibro or not, or if you have been since this started, or shared what's going on, have they told you to remove the toxic from your life?

This is essential to dealing with the chronic pain, and brain fog that goes with it. I say throw him out on his ear, you know he's up to no good. There are red flags all over that post.

After you do that you will be able to focus on you, and your needs, and your pain will improve, and your outlook will improve, and you will be able to make better, clearer decisions, and realize that the stuff he is feeding you is nonesense.

(((and strength))))

Laura28 posted 12/2/2013 14:09 PM

Hi honey

This is truly awful.

I would do what Take 2 suggested.

Just bide your time, take and hide it and play dumb or better still get annoyed because he has "lost" it. That way he won't suspect and warn anyone not to contact him.



brokenhearted76 posted 12/2/2013 15:25 PM

Thank you all. I'm going to make the phone disappear tonight while he's sleeping. Technically its OK since its in my name
But..its still going to disappear :) he leaves it on his night stand so it won't be hard. We have dogs so oops they did something with it. And he has to be gone all day with his I'll "look" for it. It may be found under the bed hehe. I know he's up to no good. He had to leave for a few hours and I asked for the phone. And he reluctantly handed it to me. There were texts to another woman. Nothing incriminating but it was someone he wouldn't normally text. Its his buddies "friend with benefits". Wh claimed he was only going to tell her about his buddy sleeping around. Hmm not. The texts were more " hey whatcha doing are you at home" I told him it didn't look right. He got all lovey and sweet and left for his meeting. I'm not stupid anymore. I know what's up. As for my health..yes I see a doc. Not that it does me any good. My doc tends to dismiss me. I was diagnosed withbfibro 3 yrs ago and then had to switch docs. The new one doesn't accept fibro and says its "just muscle pain" so I have no meds and he refuses to test for lupus which is what my original doc wanted done.

Ostrich80 posted 12/2/2013 15:48 PM

If you were new here and posted in the JFO, we would flags waving. Plus he has history of A. You already know because you have lived it. Geez I'm so so sorry. I have RA and my Dr continuously tells me to reduce stress. I know my sich has caused my illness to worsen. Hell just the sleepless restless night's make it worse. Please take care of yourself. Again I'm so sorry he's being so selfish with his family who needs him.

ladies_first posted 12/2/2013 15:51 PM

The texts were more " hey whatcha doing are you at home"

This sounds like a bored SINGLE man looking for ego kibbles---or a married man avoiding his responsibilities.

I have fibromyalgia and I hurt all the time on top of this. Our daughter is in a residential facility for help because of suicidal thoughts and depression. Our son has health issues.

And he clearly has multiple responsibilities.

Hiding his phone is a passive move.

Are you ready to demand respect, brokenhearted76?

brokenhearted76 posted 12/2/2013 17:08 PM

Ego kibbles..never heard that term before today. But I've seen it a lot today in other posts. And it makes sense. I know my wh is a weak man. He has cheated so many times emotionally and physically and I was dumb and nieve enough to believe him when he promised never again. His reasoning and excuses are weak. And so is he. He seems to be trying to prove something to himself. But in the process he is hurting me and stepping out when I need him. I wish I could just close my eyes and turn around and walk away.

Razor posted 12/2/2013 17:18 PM

I was going to suggest that you take and hide his phone then see what comes in while he is away. But it seem some one beat me to it.

I wonder if there is a way to forward the texts to a email account you have access to?

BrighterFuture posted 12/2/2013 19:18 PM

So, what exactly did he do to change? Was it mere promises? A serial cheater can't change by promises alone.

I'm so sorry he's cheating on you again. I'm so sorry this is your second marriage with a cheater.

Everything you wrote about that text you found seems like a red flag to me.

rachelc posted 12/2/2013 19:34 PM

Serial cheaters should never be texting members if the opposite sex again. Why no boundaries on this?

tushnurse posted 12/2/2013 20:33 PM

He is quite clueless. Seriously Broken why are you doom this and why are you tolerating a dr that is disrespectful to you. Get a rheumatologist. Do not just accept what some jackass tht doesn't understand fibromyalgia and just blows you off be ause hes too dumb to understand all the nuances of arthritic muscular disease.
Sorry but this just angers me to no end. I dealt with muscle and joint pain for many years over fear of being tagged one of those "fibromyalgia people". Who tend to get a bad wrap for being a drug seeker. Of course at the end of it all I have been diagnosed as having a seronegative rheumatoid arthritis with significant joint changes to my hands at 43. Good thing I got a great dr and treatment to keep me from being a crippled up mess by 50.

You deserve so much more for your health and for your heart and soul. Time to grab the bull by the horns and demand the respect you deserve on all levels of your life.

brokenhearted76 posted 12/2/2013 21:43 PM

Well things boiled over. We went out this evening with our son and a friend. As we are sitting in a restaurant he started lecturing me. We were in McDonald's! Nothing fancy. I let a cuss word slip. I'm tired stressed and in pain. And he starts lecturing me! We were only a block from home so I got up to leave. I told him I would walk. And that's when the flood gates opened. He "ordered" me to get in the truck and I lost it. I told him that I am a grown adult. He has no right to try and control me. And I drug out every affair he's ever had. Told him his excuse that it was just a "mistake" didn't work. After the first one it became a choice. I told him how bad they had all hurt me and that my broken heart was his fault. He tried to apologize and I wouldn't have it. I reminded him all he ever gave me was empty promises. Ended it by saying I didn't know if I wanted him anymore. And that he would have to prove why I shouldn't divorce him. I'm taking some time to think now.

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