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Newest Member: Blsoul (61132)

User Topic: Maybe it's my own version of a midlife crisis
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want out of life. What I want it to look like. And, the conclusion is that I truly don't know.

I got knocked off that path I was on and that path that I thought made me happy. Now that the dust has settled, I'm not itching to get back on there. Maybe I'm not excited about dating because it feels like I don't have anything different to give. I don't want to give anyone new the same stuff I gave exWH.

Instead of being ashamed or embarrassed that I'm not fully healed yet, maybe now is the time to really figure out what that means. What will it mean for me to move on? A different job? New hobbies? A business venture? I feel like I have ants in my pants and I'm itching to find my new truth and my new reasons for being here.

Thank God IC session is coming up quick. Am I weird or is this a normal stage??

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 3871 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's fabulous!

It seems to me that far too many people don't really think about these types of things and just ramble along, following the life script.

I think self-reflection and self-examination are great!

I think it's fun to pick up different hobbies and interests to see what sticks.

I look forward to reading about your adventures!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

Posts: 4444 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can totally relate to ants in the pants. It's called reinvention and I think it's healthy to welcome the possibilities.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 20687 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, December 2nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to some of this. I know it helps to visualize an ideal life, ideal work, ideal partner, etc. Imagination is the first step to creating anything. But I often draw a blank! This perplexes me as in the past I seemed to have more ideas, dreams, and visions. Since I divorced it's just not clear.

BS, 56 years
D-day 6-2-08
D after 20 years
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

Posts: 6650 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take it from someone who has moved on...and on...and on again. Just do it! Yes, I've made missteps, but it's been an adventure, and I'm having a blast.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25300 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How nice is it to be excited about the future?

The possibilities are so endless it can feel a little overwhelming at first but.... my oh my.... I haven't felt this excited about life for so long.

What a rush!!

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 6004 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 37991
Member # 37991
Default  Posted: 4:54 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually think you are in a fabulous place -- sink your time and attention into YOU. It might feel unfamiliar because we've spent so much time and energy on a partner, the kids etc.

Revel in YOU. Spend time, energy, care and devotion on YOU. It will be so worth it !

Congrats on reaching this stage

BSO, 53
exWSO, who cares
DD: 11/18/12
DD2: 11/21/12
Kicked him to the curb 11/21/12
I tramp a perpetual journey.
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Posts: 134 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Red State SE US
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the exact same frame of mind. I feel like I have just been treading water this year. 2014 is going to be my year of change, even if it's only small ones. I know it's a little bit scary the 'new' life we have open to us. I guess we just have to be brave enough to take step towards it.

Me: BW

Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.

Life's good.

Posts: 1530 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 7767
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My post-D midlife change included a tattoo and a motorcycle of my own.

I played by the "rules" my entire adult life. I sacrificed willingly for my family and put myself on the bottom of every list. NOT anymore! I am having the time of my life!

At least my midlife crisis didn't involve cheating on anyone or breaking up a family. It just involves me getting to know who I am again. I am one fun Nana these days!


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 8247 | Registered: Aug 2005
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think if my grandkids hadn't moved nearby last year, I would retire and go overseas to do volunteer work. But I love them too much and missed too much of their babyhood when they lived clear across the country. So I volunteer to look after them whenever possible and make it as much fun as I can. And I paint, which is finally giving in to my supposed creative side that's been unfed the last few decades.

Age: 64..ummmmmmm,, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

Posts: 8747 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, December 3rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great midlife crisis to have! Getting fired up about something, exploring the possibilities sounds like an awesome plan. Keep us posted on what you discover about this stage, I could use an infusion of enthusiasm, even if it vicarious!

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:54

Posts: 4123 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 11

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